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  1. exactly.. he did tell me that these things are small sacrifices nothing big and because he kept mentioning n reminding me of "all" the things he did for me , then this is nothing compared to what sacrifices he did for me. i know that i did commit sins during the time i was with him but it was only the pure love i had for him. I crossed my limits for him, i should've had known my own value as a muslim girl but i guess shaitan won over me...:/ i seek forgiveness to Allah every time i pray salah... i think im being naive most of the time which is why i fall in others trap.. i should strengthen my imaan and practice my religion so that i can get closer to Allah. Since im not that much religious, and just to point it out i do wear the hijab cause thats wajib, and pray salah read the Quran.. im still learning, practicing to become a better muslim. and to be honest no i dont think we will have a healthy and happy marriage since he is clear about that he won't change his possessive behaviour, cause thats a part of his personality. Its nothing i can change.. n the main thing that he is a sunni muslim.. Once i asked him if he ever would become a shia.. at first he said yes.. but then later on before asking for my hand he said no why can't i just accept him as a sunni muslim instead of making him to change his belief for me. So he made himself clear that he will never convert to Shiism which i somehow understand cause if he would ask me the same question about becoming a sunni my answer would be no for sure.. but i would be really happy if he would practice shia islam and follow the right path.. become shia not for me but for his own sake.
  2. thats what i asked him, if he is still interested in her he said no.. and he was acting like he didn't do anything wrong! but in my opinion it was very wrong of him chatting with his ex at least he should have told me about it... And if that was me chatting with some guy he would freak out!! But because i didnt wanted any drama i just ignored it...
  3. im still thinking..trying to do whats right! pray for me that everything will be alright, i just dont want to hurt anyones feelings with my decision! Allah is surely with me! Thank you sister!
  4. because it is hurting my parents especially my mother since she knows those people ( including her female friends). they sometimes tend to ask her several times when im getting married to him! And she is also disappointed in me..she thinks it is my fault, and im the "bad" one who breaks up all the time! but the truth is im not.. and if i do break up with him then i have a solid reason to do so!
  5. JazakAllah for our respond! - Actually i did also check his phone i thought to myself if he keeps checking on me, being so insecure then i should do that to and lets see if he hides something from me! cause that wasn't fair when i allowed him to check my phone every time, then why am i not allowed? so i did once... and i did see he was texting with other girls and his ex gf had texted him and they had a loooong conversation. the only thing i did gave his phone back and said nothing! Then after that he deleted the messages blocked his ex etc!
  6. he is a religious guy i mean he prays, reads quran... he isn't someone who wants me to go astray.. but the only problem is he is being too possessive and very strict which i can't bear!
  7. see i got your point,, but the thing is, my reputation is on stake. most of the people here in my city already know me and him has dated for a long time they have seen us together and on the other side my mother keeps telling me to get married to him soon as possible cause people will otherwise look down on us will talk behind our back. I dont want to hurt my parents' feelings and ruin their reputation u know..! and most of the muslims especially the people who come from the same country as me are like this only - interfering in other peoples lives!
  8. i was ready to change myself give him my everything but in return i didn't get anything..if i can why won't he?
  9. no i dont want a life like that! but still i kept thinking and said to myself that everything will be alright he will change, i had so much hope! thats why i gave it another shot!
  10. yes thats what i thought in the first place, i guess i was wrong?! .... it really hurts... and he keeps reminding me what i have done in the past we all are humans and tend to make mistakes even tho it wasn't major ones! and he is kinda "threaten" me if i dont do what he says he will leave me. i really did what i could for him and loved him purely but still the only thing i get to hear from him is - you never really did anything for me im not important for u at all, you played with my feelings" He never really think what he himself has done, putted me in situations where i felt so guilty and bad with myself and made himself the victim only! :'(
  11. Assalamaleikum So im actually dealing with two huge problems which is very difficult for me to solve! i need your advices guys! Bear with me it is not a short one! and please dont judge me:)! 1) : I (shia girl) have been dating this guy ( sunni muslim) for almost 1 and a half year (we met at our college). to start with i know it is haram and not really acceptable in islam to date but since i met him i felt like he is the one and we wanted to take our relation further. we talked about that he should come and ask for my hand. we were both agreeing in that one since we thought thats the best thing to do as we both are muslims and should do it in a halal way. Later when i got to know him much better, i felt like he is getting a bit overprotective and started to control me whenever i was out with my girl-friends or if i went to parties with my family and friends. He wouldn't really let me go out with my friends sometimes and if i were then suddenly he would show up! He sometimes checked my phone, checked my messages and Instagram snapchat etc!, and were telling me with whom i can talk to or with whom i can hang around with. And whenever i was at home replying his messages a bit late he would get angry or upset at me, and he knew that my family would b around thats why i couldn't reply to his calls and messages at time!. and then i told him that i want to study nursery and that was also a thing that was bothering him so he told me not to study it. And choose something else. But i disagreed cause thats my dream and thats what i want to do. Later on i tried to convince him which took me over a week ( he actually said if i choose nursery then he would leave me) and then he finally agreed that i could study nursery! after 6-7 months i didn't see any change in him. He kept doing all those things again and again i actually deleted some of my good friends because of him, which are small things i know. And when he told me to delete them etc it didn't bother me because i knew i loved him and i did what he told me to do. And sometimes when he didn't allow me to go out with friends or bday parties i would listen to him and just sit at home. all these things that i had to do for him and the pressure and controlling thing he did with me were beyond my limits, i felt like i was not happy and was forced to do things which i wasn't happy to do. I couldn't really be myself when i was with him, so sometimes i did hide things which i didn't want to tell or show him because i knew he wouldn't understand. and since i come from a family where i have my own freedom and limits/boundaries/rules that my parents had sat for me i was happy with that and my parents would never force me to do something i won't. And of course because they TRUST me no matter what. almost 9-10 months passed and i felt sad inside, upset, disappointed, weak, unhappy, guilty ( which he made me feel sometimes) i felt like i did a huge mistake by trusting in him and be with him behind my parents's back. I was thinking with myself is he really the one? can i be happy with him? will HE be happy with me? so i decided to talk to him tell him everything what i felt and my thoughts. SO I finally decided to break up with him cause i felt helpless, hopeless, tired and not happy and couldn't continue being with him! Then he started crying, came to my house every time with red roses tried to convince me to give him another chance. He was shedding tears every time he came to my door, So i started to feel so bad for him and for us! i said maybe im wrong i felt guilty somehow to see him crying and so helpless! so i gave him another chance i gave US another chance because i did still love him. He said then he will come to ask for my hand so that we could get engaged. And that was also a thing which made me feel like getting engaged with him will maybe solve our problems somehow! Before asking for my hand i told my dad about him told him everything the truth! no lies! my father looked at me and where really upset that why did i even date this guy such a long time and especially when he is a SUNNI MUSLIM! my dad were against it and told me to break our relation and not even think about it for a second! He said there a so many differences between a sunni and shia, and that our differences will come in our way some day when we get married it will be a huge problem. I told my bf everything and he said it doesn't matter that won't stop him to come and talk with my father. So he actually came and talked with my father. Tried to convince him by saying that he loves me and we know each other for a long time now and he will keep me happy etc etc, but since his family doesn't live here in the same country he came alone to ask for my hand. My dad literally threw him out without even yelling or anything. He told him that we have been doing a huge sin for dating such a long time, and the second thing is that he is a sunni muslim. These two things stood in our way otherwise my dad would accept him no matter what. After that i tried to talk with my father about all this and told him these things aren't that much important for me because i see goodness in him ( even tho is a possessive and wants to control) and he is a really nice guy, he respects the elder, he has good manners and helps his family when they are in need ( money problem) and he does work, he studies.. and he loves me alot since he also came to talk with my father. Means that he is serious about us!? but when i couldn't convince my father i lost hopes and actually saw a point in his speech about the sunni-shia thing. So i told my bf that maybe its better if we just break up. My father he won't accept him and the other thing which i had on ma mind was the way he is being so possessive and overprotective can i really be happy with him? and what about our children in the future.. what will they follow my belief or his? Will i commit a huge sin if my children chooses to follow his path ? Still he didn't give up, but i already gave up everything. I was so damn confused and lost that i didn't want to go back to him. He was kinda suffering and got sick for a few months because i didn't talk to him and started to ignore him. But now i feel soo bad and guilty i never really wanted to hurt him, but i somehow had to give up i had no other choice. i really love him and i know he will be a good husband if he just changes a few bad habits and starts to behave manly and not childish. With the guiltiness i had felt and not happy for leaving him then i decided to give him another chance to see maybe it will work out between us and maybe my father will accept him even tho he is a sunni muslim. And try to look at what good qualities do he have instead of looking at him as a sunni muslim! I talked with my father few days ago i thought maybe i can convince him but he still has the same opinion and my bf still is a bit possessive about most of the things even now. Thought maybe he is changed but no.. So what should i do??? Forget my fathers decision and his advices etc and get married with him with hope that he will change his bad habits towards me and that he won't try to change my belief or force my childrens to follow his path in the future, or should i really listen to what my father says and leave my bf for the very last time? Please help... i need your advices/Suggestions JazakAllah
  12. lolo0019


    But i talked to him about all this.. He won't do all these things to me, The only thing is important for him is to respect each others beliefs. Isn't that enough?
  13. lolo0019


    Assalam we love eachother deeply and we want to do it in a halal way by marrying.. he has always showed interest for ahlulbayt by attending muharram which also shows the respect he has for the imams. But i believe respecting eachothers beliefs are very important. His family has Nothing against it they already accepted. But my family are a bit against it especially my father.. Im trying to convince him. He is a very good man with a pure heart i believe.. thats What made me take this decision
  14. lolo0019


    walekumassalam.. no of course not.. but he seriously respects ahlulbayt and has nothing against them.. and regarding childrens i know that he won't force them to believe in what he believes in.. we already talked about all these things.