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Syeda19

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About Syeda19

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    Islam

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  1. Thank you all so much for the feedback, even my family is happy seeing these comments and feels that the whole world is one one page that I should leave a lying deceitful person such as him. However, I feel that sister @starlight understands my situation the most as she has been in my shoes when it comes to divorce. To answer some of your questions, he has always been amazing to my kids, (and we've been together for almost 4 years now, he is the only father my children know.) But what hurts me very much is that when we fight he says he and his wife will be there for his own kids for life while I will be on my own with my two. However, he has never made my children feel that they are not his. I have met his children just once when we went to visit him and on that occasion he did not differentiate at all between his and mine, he always said that all four are his kids. However he said that once I move there, he will always go alone to see his children and I cannot be a part of the picture because he wants his kids to see that everything is fine between him and their mother and that the four of them are one unit with no one else involved. On the other hand he says he has no husband-wife relationship with her, it is purely for the kids. I don't know what to believe because he always speaks to her secretly, he has never once spoken to her on the phone in front of me so I can see that clearly there is something he is hiding. Nor has he ever spoken to me in front of her. There was a time, before his wife found out that he used to FaceTime me with his daughter and have her call me mom, and she would. But when she met me she called me by my name and now I've learned that she hates me because she's been brainwashed that I've broken her parents apart. He says that to this day, his kids don't know that he doesn't live with them, whenever he's not there or says goodbye to them he says he's working or leaving for work, and he intends to keep it that way. I would have never ever married this man if I knew he was already married but I'm stuck in it now and with this being my second marriage, it's really not a game that I can just keep moving on. Thank you @Irfani313 as well.
  2. Thank you all so much for your support and advice. My mother, father, siblings, EVERYONE tell me on a daily basis to divorce him but it's just me who hasn't gathered the courage yet. He has lied from day one about everything. The biggest reason stopping me from divorcing him is that I am already divorced with two kids and the reason I left my first husband was because he cheated on me! Allah knows my heart cannot bear to share my husband and I'd rather leave him than share him with another woman and I've been put into the same situation yet again! Is this a test from Allah to see if I run to divorce again or to show patience and get rewarded in the end? This man who I am married to now says he's done the biggest favour of my life to me by marrying a divorced woman with kids because no one else in this world would have. My family hates him for saying this to me and they always encourage me and tell me that there's someone amazing out there for me, I'm not even 30 yet! I divorced the first time around with high hopes that Allah will give me someone amazing but now I'm terrified that I'll have a "tag" of a woman who is twice divorced and no one would even look my way. That's another reason I've been forcing myself to stay married to this deceitful man. Now what would you guys say after hearing this, should I still leave him? PS- my family thought at one point too that he was marrying me only for nationality but after he left after getting his spouse visa it confirmed that he's not interested in that.
  3. Thank you. You both are telling me what my family tell me everyday. I wish that either I had the strength to leave, or the sabr to accept. I'm hanging in the middle now and it's pure torture.
  4. Salam brothers and sisters. I come from a family and society (being raised in the west) when a man only has one wife, in fact I have never in my life met or heard of anyone with more than one wife. I met a "divorced" childless man online on a Shia matrimonial website a few years ago. We lived in two different countries. He seemed to be the perfect man. After about 9 months of speaking on the phone and facetiming, and him coming once to meet me in person, he told me he had two kids. I was in shock. He said he never told me before because he was afraid he would lose me. By this time I had developed very strong feelings for him and could not let him go. About 3 months later he met my family and told everyone that he wants to marry me and he's paid his wife's haq mehr and all but is yet to do the sharia talaq. He also said he has no contact with her at all and that he sees his children at his relative's house. I fully trusted him (foolish of me, yes I know.) My father put his foot down and said that this marriage will absolutely not happen if he is still married and that if he cannot get divorced, he should go and live happily with his wife or atleast sacrifice everything for his kids and stay with them. Another year passed by and we were getting ready to get married. He said he has divorced her but will not show the certificate to anyone as that would mean that no one trusts his words. I trusted him, convinced my parents and we got married. He returned to his respective country and we filed for his immigration to come to me. After about two months of marriage I found out he is still married to his first wife. He told me that the marriage is just on the papers and he has nothing to do with her, it is only for the sake of the children and because of a lot of family pressure as she is his first cousin. I accepted his words and was at peace that he has no contact with her. I found it very odd though and questioned him many times because they have children together that they must meet amicably for the kids but he said no, they don't see each other at all. We met up again for our one year wedding anniversary and two weeks after he got back home I got a call from his phone. It was his wife. One year has passed since that phone call and this past one year of my life has been hell. I have developed anxiety, depression, and maybe even bipolar disorder. I don't trust him at all in any way and I don't know how our marriage will survive without trust. His wife kicked him out that very day and he's been living with his brother ever since (but again I have no proof other than his words.) He even got his spouse visa and came to me but then returned home saying we will have a better life there and that he cannot leave his children. He is currently preparing everything over there for my arrival. I'm sure he's not living with her as we'll be living together once I'm there and no one just leaves his happy home in a second in moves in with someone else. It takes time of separation before someone starts living with someone else. My issue now is that he says that he can never divorce her for the sake of his kids. He said that I should be happy that he will be living with me but he will always be there for her and his kids whenever they need him and he will always do his duties every weekend like take her grocery shopping and all (she doesn't drive.) He will spend time with them and I will never be allowed to be there. He will take them out to places and spend alone time with them. He will give me Saturday and them Sunday. I don't have any issues with him spending time with his kids, I just can't stand that she's there too and that he spends time with her. I simply cannot share my husband and feel that I will completely lose my sanity. At the same time I do not want to be divorced! Please advise, thank you.
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