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Guest Account Ali

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  1. Question: West/East Marriage Culture

    I Know, and I agree mostly with your sentiments. I also agree that a muslimah should not think like that with regards to a proper husband. Also I am single and not married yet. So I cannot give advice in that department. But I like to think I am fairly observant of social phenomena. And Also I think that a way that a muslimah can help prevent getting married to a guy like that is by not having shallow standards of a marital partner. I remember in this one podcast a muslim psychologist said that the minimum time a guy and girl should court each other is 6 months. And that during those six months it is important to find out as much as you can about the guy or girl. And to above all else not rush into a marriage. And that part of finding out all details of the potential partner is by asking the right questions. And these questions should be defined by either muslim marital counselors, or by couples who truly have a good relationship. And my own input is that if we are going to be honest most of our parents had terrible marital relationships, and thus as our generation grows up we (both genders) develop shallow and unrealistic spousal expectations. And when we carry these into our marriages, the marriage becomes like a bag of popcorn. It is really good for a while to a brief time, but once the "pop" happens is when the marital bubble bursts and now the main issue becomes cohabitation instead of trying to enact some Fabio novella with your spouse. I think what any muslim woman here can admit is that for every women who had a bad first marital partner there were "signs" of him being not so great even before the marriage. But naivety can sometimes blind muslim women in not being attentive of these things. And even if these signs were not present before the marriage, a thorough vetting process and prolonging courtship can help to sort these things out before the marriage, if even a marriage should occur. Anyone would be surprised that a thorough vetting process and asking the right questions during a prolonged courtship can filter out partners who could potentially do haram things like physical abuse, etc. Since for most men and women, they don't randomly start abusing or that men just go ape on their wives for no reason, but that trained behavioral health specialists or generally mentally acute people can tell of "signs" that certain men and women are more prone to do abuse if given the right situations depending on certain personal factors of an individual. Muslims need to start utilizing these resources better so as to filter out guys and even girls who do these things.
  2. Question: West/East Marriage Culture

    Most of the reasons are that modern feminism has made a boogeyman out of abusive men (yes they exist, but let us be realistic at the same time) and thus it scares women into thinking they need a job because a man could allegedly become an ape and go crazy on her. I am not denying abuse exists, but that a degree and an income prevents NOTHING. A headstrong personality does. You said you are from the east, so you should know what I mean. For example, you probably know of aunties who are just based on personality headstrong and don't have a degree or income. And you must know that these women also manage to prevent abuse done to them and being taken advantage of merely by being headstrong (of course reasonably headstrong and not to the level of being defiant). And modern day feminism quite literally shames women who are housewives and who do not work. As if they are brainwashed creatures. It honestly sickens me. To heck with any woman who shames a housewife.
  3. Salam and Welcome

    Also, I would like to know how I can change my display name?
  4. Masturbation

    Salaam, Feel free to start at this website: http://purifyyourgaze.com/ and their services run by professional behavioral health specialists. This is a free and anonymous service, so it should be of no negative consequence to you.
  5. Question: West/East Marriage Culture

    Actually depends on the job. This may surprise you, but a survey done by Dalia Mogahed showed that while muslim women are more "educated" muslim men make more money compared to muslim women on average. The reason is simple. A muslimah may want to become a doctor but that takes time and effort, while a muslim man wants to earn a similar amount of money in less time. So most muslim men opt for business/finance degrees or even nowadays computer engineering. So while a doctor is more respectable than a person with a finance degree, one makes more money in a lot less time. And muslim women have yet to emerge in high numbers into the finance and business fields. My sister is the only muslim woman I know in my community who is even earning a business degree, the rest of the muslim women I know are all earning STEM degrees. So based on the stats done by Dalia Mogahed, muslim women don't necessarily prefer financial independence more so they want a respectable career and or degree. Lest muslim women would be rushing to get finance or business degrees, which is where the real money is in. But statistically, most muslim women are not emerging into these careers, even in countries wherein the choice and freedom is given for them to pursue these money making degrees. Also there are plenty of muslim women who are doctors, etc. and they still get abused by their in-laws and spouse. Again, what determines whether or not a muslim woman will have financial independence and less susceptibility to abuse is a headstrong personality, not just minting money. There are plenty of aunties who have never went to college but due to being headstrong never got abused or were financially taken advantage of. But I have seen plenty of doctors get financially taken advantage of in my own US muslim community. However, the only possible exception I can think of is when a muslim woman gets married to a guy who turns out to be abusive, etc. and she goes through a nasty divorce. All the while he was financially supporting her. Thus, when she divorces she will have money to rely on when she is single. However, even this is multi-faceted and there are just as many cases where a muslim woman who does not earn money is supported financially by others, even the fiqh demands that she is provided for by other men when she is divorced. Mainly, the fiqh says that her father must provide for her when she gets divorced, and if not father then brother, and so on... One of the biggest myths of modern feminism is your last line in your second paragraph. Studies have shown that income does not contribute to less abuse or being taken advantage of. Not to mention the scarily rising trend of workplace slavery and harassment that occurs in the east and west. So if muslim woman want to get a job, do so because you want to. If you want to become a doctor, become one because you want to heal people, if you want to be filthy rich then go ahead and earn a finance degree and get employed in a fortune 500 company. But don't get a job because you think that by not doing so you will be "taken advantage of" among other things like that. And that the KEY thing to preventing abuse and being taken advantage of is a headstrong but fair personality. Also you seem to characteristically ignore that there are many muslim women who take advantage of their husbands financially as well. Go to any Arab country and notice that there is a rising phenomenon of SOME muslim women who are "gold-diggers". This gold-digger phenomenon has gotten to such an extent in wealthy arab countries that there are memes and jokes made about these women and how they "suck you dry". Also bruh, trust me I am living on campus right now. And all I can say is that I honestly and sincerely lol at "independence" and "responsibility" for university students, what more buzzwords do you have for me that I can disprove by actually being a millennial and living on campus and seeing through the "American dream" as it were of "independence" and "responsibility"?.
  6. Salaam, just wanted to give my input I went to a typical non-gender segregated American public high school and the exact same things happened that you described. I am also aquintances with a guy who attended a segregated middle school and then a non segregated high school. And even according to him he was more productive in middle school vs high school. Possibly even more worse things occurred. Notme did a good job of explaining the plusses and minuses of gender segregation in school. And ironically tons of studies have come out that show that there is more productivity in gender segregated schools than non gender segregated schools. I have witnessed this first hand by attending both types of schools and my friends did as well. Also for me I used to hang out with my female cousins (with a mehram present) and Also my sister. So I was not awkward around females and neither were most desi guys I knew, muslim or not. So for desi's on average they will get exposed to females outside of school anyhow.
  7. Question: West/East Marriage Culture

    I know I am not necessarily answering your question. But I feel that an invaluable context is needed for this type of question. So please bare with me. Also when I use the word "bureaucratised" I mean it as per the denotation of Max Weber. If you don't know who he is, then google him. Well actually if you look at the muslim world before the encroachment of western culture (before colonialism) muslims thought of marriage differently than they do now even in the east. Previously, most muslim women had some source of income (doctor, merchant, scholar, etc.) but that these jobs were not bureaucratised and thus did not interfere in a woman's ability to maintain and love her family. These jobs were seen, as well, jobs. And your family and religious duties were seen as exponentially more important. Thus, these muslim women were both obedient to their spouse and their family duties and also extremely religious people but would also earn an income as well since these jobs were not as demanding or if they were were on an informal level (depending on her hirer) were typically made flexible especially if a woman was married. Since at that time it was rare for a man to find a job that could solely provide for the whole family and their growing needs. Again, these jobs were pre-modern and not bureaucratised. However, nowadays jobs have become bureaucratised to such extremes that they surpassed the expectations of even folks like Max Weber. Education is a matter of literally just earning points and little to do with genuine learning (there are people who earn these points but are quite dim in terms of intelligence and problem-solving). And once you do get a job it is incredibly methodical and time-consuming, especially STEM fields. As a result, an informal thing like a marriage and family comes crashing hard against the machine-like socioeconomic demands of education and jobs. And since modern day feminism seems to think a woman's place is in the "machine" as it were, and not amongst her family or spouse a lot of impressionable muslim women become indoctrinated by this ideology and gravitate towards the machine and less towards their family and spouse. Not to say that it is bad to have a job, but that muslim women should be able to hold a job (doctor, engineer, etc.) but know that deep down her family and spouse is way more important than the job that she has. And that she must draw lines whenever she has to.
  8. Is "mansplaining" Islamically legitamite?

    It's funny because when they are given fiqh books written by female scholars, (Shia or sunni) surprise surprise it is not that different compared to what male scholars wrote about and would write like.
  9. Is "mansplaining" Islamically legitamite?

    Aight, thanks for the input. I agree with you on this.
  10. Don't focus on Hijab for spouse selection?

    My input is that due to the changing historical circumstances the west and even in some eastern muslim countries have made hijab like this. It does not change its wajib-ness and importance. But I can still understand the ridiculous orientalist critique surrounding hijab that has embedded itself in the minds of non-muslims when they judge muslimahs so harshly. For example, when non-muslims say stupid things like this "Oh wow! she is a doctor and she got that headscarf on! She must be breaking all sorts of traditions", I can understand and empathize with the daily struggle proper hijabis go through at the hands of non-muslims and even muslims nowadays. I think that if anything, in order to make hijab more accessible and free of "issues" as it were we as muslims need to crack down on the pervasive orientalist thought that is rampant amongst muslims and non-muslims concerning hijab. In my opinion, once you mentally, "decolonize" your mind, it becomes so much easier to obey the proper hijab for muslim women. Please do not take this post as a personal attack against you, but this post was general. And I do not know of your personal reasons for not wearing hijab right now, but I hope you appreciate my advice whether you decide to implement it, or just ignore it. That is if you have already not implemented it.
  11. Salaam, I just wanted to ask this question, seeing as how those muslims of the liberal persuasions love to invoke the bandwagon of "mansplaining". However, for a decent number of reasons I can see why there is no such thing as "mansplaining" in Islam. However, I would like input from you guys and gals on this issue and whether mansplaining is legitimate to any extent theologically, in a historical and contemporary orthodox sense. I appreciate input from both Sunnis and Shia's on this matter, as this issue does cross into both sects and I am curious about what Sunni Orthodoxy has to say on the matter of "mansplaining". Also I do appreciate input from both Christians and Jews on this topic as well. Though I do want to see an orthodox vantage point of "mansplaining" from Christianity and Judaism. Also, advice from those who are nonreligious or atheists/agnostics is also appreciated.
  12. why Shias are less in number compared to Sunni

    Maybe someone should tell you that GASP muslim women also constitute 50% and more of all online muslim matrimonial services... But that can't be right. Monad's paradigm must establish that muslim guys are the only thirsty people out there, and there just CANNOT be muslim women who also do the same thing at the same rate and surprisingly in higher numbers. Remember,for every muslim guy out there that is thirsty. There are muslim women that bait him. You solve nothing by only vindicating one gender over the other. I have seen a TON of if not similar in number to muslim men, muslim women scouting the web for that perfect "hubby" as well, of course to no avail. But I suppose that must be a fluke in the system for you, right? It is very easy to make fun of guys who do a certain behavior, but not so easy when the other gender does the EXACT same thing.
  13. why Shias are less in number compared to Sunni

    Well to be fair, the Safavids did forcibly convert many sunnis in Iran. So I suppose there's that. Otherwise, I think it may just be that historically the only races of people who were shia were Iranian and Desi and a small minority being Arab. In general Desi's and Iranians are very insular. I understand why Shiaism did not take off in India. But the Safavids were quite militarily strong and held off and defeated the Ottomans. Thus I would not say that any Shia genocide occurred in Iran to any real extent since the 1500s. Also it may be that, again, Iranians were quite insular people back then. They were not as concerned with conquest as the Ottoman's and thus mostly kept to themselves strengthening their borders.
  14. Most of the advice here is good. Except for of course Monads. Who I assume just lives in his own echo chamber and is blind to the fact that both genders oppress the other.
  15. Conquest of Iran

    Also, one more addition. The historian in question was non-muslim, I believe.
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