Jump to content

nur1507

Basic Members
  • Content count

    5
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Profile Information

  • Religion
    muslim shia

Previous Fields

  • Gender
    Female
  1. Sorry for late reply, thank you very much for all your answers i very much appreciate them... i think sometimes is easy to say " yes i would accept to live in such and such conditions" as i did myself but to find9 yourself living in that situation is very much different from expectations.. also when someone is so stubborn that lives in his own head is very difficult to make see things from another point of view..
  2. Salam Alaykum, Please i hope as many sisters as possible read this and give me their opinion... your help is much appreciated ! I am a revert shia muslim sister and I am 25 years old. I have been married for less than one year to my husband and when i agreed to marry him I accepted to live with his family : his mother who is a housewife and she is divorced, his 16 yo sister, his two brothers of which one is mentally disable. One of his brother is married and was meant to move out soon but he didn't yet so atm I wear my hijab every day when he is at home. Even if I get along very well with his mum and family, I find it now too hard to live with this arrangement. as i feel i don't have much personal space and sometimes enough privacy or enough quiet ; can't always do my own things, cooking or cleaning expecially their mum is housewife so she is the one who mostly looks after them and manages the house . Also, i am not used to live with a disable person (down syndrome) and sometimes it gets difficult..and on top of that the fact that I still have to wear hijab around the house every day.. they also sometimes invite male friends and it makes me feel ubcomfortable and of course i cant mix so i have to stay the whole time in my room I get very frustrated and I am often sad . Sometimes I feel like I need a break but I can't even go anywhere as I am pretty much alone in this country and if i want to go stay at my parents I need to take a plane. What makes me feel much worse is the fact that my husband don't understand me ...instead he says i am always exagerating, making it much bigger than it is, blaming me for everything for my negativity for my feeling sad... He also constantly tells me that i m the lucky and privileged one to be with him and his family and that there are many girls who would live like me . I honestly don't believe any born muslim girl would have accepted to marry someone and live like I do ... we didn't even have a wedding...my mahr was low .. i married him purely because i wanted to be with him.. I tried to accept it, but now this has become too much and the fact that he doesnt understand me just makes it impossible for me to go on like this Please sisters tell me honestly ?Would you ever accept to be living like i do?
  3. I am in a Mutah marriage

    Thank you sister I understand , about the sheik that's a good advice , but I don't know how he would react if I ask him this, I feel that even if I try to be careful and not aggressive he will take it as i still attacking him expecially we had many arguments about this and he is getting really tired and sick of it Also at the moment we are away still for at least one month or 2 so maybe it's not really point to tell him now ? Do you think i should wait until he comes back? The only thing is I feel this in my heart and sometimes if he is being loving in messages i feel like being cold or if he mentions things like i miss sleeping with you etc. i feel uncomfortable and try to ignore him and just replies with fake emoticon smiles .
  4. I am in a Mutah marriage

    Thank you for all your replies... I don't doubt his initial serious intention as he introduced me to the family, all of his family and friends know me, his mum and famil know we want to get married (also his dad but he is separated and remarried). I don't doubt the validity of Mutah in Islamic Law, I am not talking about this from this point of view as I am shia and I know and believe that the Mutah marriage is lawful.. but it's about how it makes me feel. And I have tried to explain this to him but he doesn't understand and as you said, he doubts my faith and start telling me I don't have trust and I don't have faith and I have religious issues. The point is he is not sure about how I am because of my different cultural background and upbringing and some things he sees in me and he says he want to be sure about. We made the contract several times, everytime we do it for few months and then renew it. I hate this kind of things even though is totally permissible I know.... Also he said that it doesn't make sense not to involve physicality in the contract as I was not virgin because before becoming muslim i had relationships , and anyways now it would make even less sense because we had it already . I was thinking to renew the next contract without sex but I knoe he will get angry thinking that I am trying to attack him or taking revenge or something .
  5. Salam, I am looking for help / advice on my current situation as I am a revert/convert to Islam . I hope someone can give me their point of view .. I met this guy one year ago, not long after i came to islam,but I still didn't know much about Islam, rules and regulation, traditions etc. In fact he spoke to me about Mutah temporary marriage which I had never heard before of, after he explained me what it was and showed me evidences for it I became convinced and we contracted a temporary marriage. After one month since we met, he left to go to study abroad, and just before leaving he proposed me to get married: if everything kept going well, we would get permanently married in the summer. Since then , until now, he only came back for one month in march , and then he left again . We have been temporarly married until now, with the intention to get permamently married, and in the meantime we have been in a proper relationship, we are in touch every day and I became like a part to his family which lives here, I have been introduced to all his famiy and friends as his "fianceƩ" In all this time we also had sexual instercourse many times (I was not virgin before converting to islam but since I did he's been the only one). However, when he came back in March, there have been few problems between us. I think this is due to the long period being distant , not knowing each others too well face to face , not being used to each other. When he left again, he decided that it would be better for us to wait and postpone the marriage and wedding. As I said he was meant to be back in the summer, and then marry me permanently. I think the problems we have are minor and still my intention is to marry him and I never changed my mind and as I understand his intention also still remain the same but he just wants to wait. I find it too hard to accept this, after he had already proposed me to get married in the summer ( also family and friends all knew about our plan of doing the wedding in the summer) and he still don't know when we will do the nikah and wedding. I feel like this is not too different from being girlfriend/ boyfriend as in my original european culture , which I left with the expectation of coming to Islam and have right and dignity as Wife. I hate being called his "fiancee" or "girlfriend" , and have to pretend in public that we are not married, while at home we even sleep together. I just feel I should get permanently married as soon as possible and I kinda regret having done all these things . He keep saying that I am a Wife islamically even with the temporary contract and that our intention is to get permanently married so it's all good and it's normal to stay like this .. and that i shouldn't worry about how other people call me . I know him for one year already and I don't know when we will marry... but inside I can't accept staying as this sort of girlfriend, I have tried to express my feelings to him but he just gets kinda angry and accuses me to have no faith or trust and of talking non sense. I would like to know what you think about this being muslims and in the culture since birth , and if you someone could give me any advice ... I was thinking to put conditions in mutah such as not having sexual relationship, even though it would be too late now , and i am quite sure he wouldnt like it at all and he would see it like some kind of "revenge" from me or trying to be distant so I really don't know what to do. Also he uses the excuse that in my original culture people get married after many years of knowing each others, but my culture is not who i am as i am muslim and I think and want to marry and live as a muslim. Thank you for reading !
×