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About Sinan

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  1. Poem: All I See Is You So many ways, to think of you In all things every day that I do…. Pretty girls in my high school hall They are nothing compared to you The rain which falls from the sky in fall They give life to dead earth…. and the wind caries them abound…. with a whistle of dew They imitate you The stars outshine the light bulb in my house at night Your eyes outshine the stars and they dazzle my sight I share my minutes with a secret few I used to share them with you I’d love to share them with you The past does not seem few I love to think of you And all I see is you..... what do you think?
  2. my identity crisis...? I've been told over and over about how I need to stay away from Wahhabis and salafis, but I didn't listen.... a while back, I joined them....but I started to realize (especially when on ummah forum, which I got banned from permanently) just how backward and extreme they are.....I also grew increasingly concerned over the treatment of members of my jamaat (gulen movement) and other dissidents (kurds, kemalists, etc.) in turkey...and the deteriorating human rights situation....I also grew concerned because most sunni muslims I know support Erdogan.....especially turks....and many things sunnis say I am starting to doubt (beliefs, including about world politics, namely in Syria), so I considered becoming closer to the gulen jamaat, but I am an outcast in the jamaat and am afraid to go to their masjid due to my conflict with the local imam I had about his daughter.... I am also angry at their pacifism.....I considered converting to another religion, but decided against it..... then it hit me....why not become a shia muslim? I'm still muslim (although many sunnis, including my grandfather and possibly my father will not consider me one).....I don't have to deal with support for zulum (or at least the greater of two zulums), or beliefs I don't agree with, or the support for Erdogan....but I still have some concerns... 1) what do Shiites think about the human rights record of iran? I see many on here praising the Iranians, but don't they have a horrible human rights record, and a system which cracks down on dissent, just like turkey and Saudi arabia? 2) do Shiites see assad as good, or merely as the lesser of two evils? (I see him as the lesser of the evils) 3) do Shiites consider sunnis muslim? 4) will it change anything? to those sunnis on here, why should I stay a sunni?
  3. I wrote this about a different girl than the one I wrote the last one about... Your eyes bring me to awe, my soul in wonder Your smile brings me to joy, as I saw….a sun of beams down yonder I wish to see that smile upon your leave Upon my leave, I wish to glance On your smile-for I wish a weave Of blushing glances, like spring time plants I can not stop staring, even though it is a sin You are so beautiful to me……and I hope my actions will win- A better man in me, inspired by your voice To make you happy and grant, any favor of your choice Your voice, your voice, a song that is truly music Your eyes, your eyes, a beam of beauty that is truly art Your walk, your walk, a grace that is truly angelic Your smile, your smile, a hope that is truly sport Your start, your start, in this world was met with love, at port, at port, For you left them all too soon…. No one can have enough of you, for you are loved by many And if this is not the truth, then I am that many Who have longed for you more than the whole world can long for peace For who is a root without its rain, and what is rain without its root? And their gift be a wondrous garden
  4. which military faction is stronger? dogu perincek/ergenekons group? or Erdogan loyalists?
  5. thank you....jazakallaha khair....:)
  6. her and I are both only 17, and we are Muslim, so her father does not consider it modest for her to talk to boys.......unless we were trying to get married, which won't happen until after college....although, we were good friends as children, and it doesn't count when we're kids according to Islamic law...
  7. In another U.S. state, far away, unable to talk to boys....
  8. Good times Do you remember, radiant rose? The good times we shared? The topics of talk, the games we chose And how it fared? Do you remember when work was small, and all was held When they were tall, and our presence was felt? Perhaps not But we can improve our lot Be my friend and a rain to death As we were new to the end of death And be my girl and smile at me So I can smile, until I see The end of my time, overtaking me And the end of yours, before we enter The garden of God…..or memories Which fell like letters- Letters from the sky, to future folk and their memories And you can laugh, as I hold you near And we will no longer have any fear But be garments of warmth and fireplace buddies Friends to go on, and fight the quest And lovers to tango and giggle… funny And share each other like the distance yearned As it cried out when I sent my praises From afar and rules of modesty As a man needs rules but can not see And pecks of kisses I imagine now And your kisses, oh your kisses, oh, I want them now…. For if you do, ill give you my soul But if you don’t ill give you my tears And in your role, you own my life And can turn me to dust from my fears And you can give me strife But it sure is a delight to love you, and love you, And even if you turn me down I will always love you, for you’ll always hold...... The crown of attachment, in my heart, and in my soul.... My playmate, friend, and radiant rose...
  9. If only, if only….but who would hear? There is no one to turn to, over here I want you, but you are not here or near And your memory is starting to fade As the rules cast their shade And the cold makes me sick, the arrival late- The arrival late, if at all Do you know, my dearest shining rose How much I cried for you? Without regret for who I chose? But bitterness and rage, and sadness, and despair? Which I wear- On my head like you wear…. Your scarf I have not heard from you in so many years But you do not care, but you do not care And if you did, perhaps your fears are like my fears And you want me, too But how can you, when you shunned me And shunned me, and crushed me But perhaps it is my punishment, all these years until I have a job For giving you the dirty look, my curse until I sob You wanted to be my friend, and all I cared about was romance So I gave you one quick look, hoping for a girl who would soon leave And who was nothing but a lustful glance Stirrings, which id rather have shared with you, before I leave I know that if I do not think, there will be less pain And the end result will be the same And perhaps you will be mine to wed, Or perhaps at envy ill whisper, “may Allah bless you,” at your future husband with you in the shed
  10. I am 17, and I like a girl who is and her were both born on the same day and same month and same year, and we were playmates and friends and classmates in sunday school as children.......we were friends from either when i was 3, 4, or 5 to when I was 9......her parents and my parents were friends, and my parents were married at the time.....I remember warm fuzzy memories of my first feelings of romantic love.....she was the first girl I ever had a crush on.....but I moved when I was 8, and hardly saw her after that......when I was 9 going on 10, we went to a gulenist religious camp together, but because i was advanced in my intellectual abilities they put me in with the older boys rather than the children......the camp was at a hotel, and i tried to be as close to my friend as possible, but I was also going through changes mentally due to puberty and had fantasies about kissing her or dating her, although i later found out this was haram.......and i could not see her that much, no matter how hard i tried.....i finally got a chance to hang out with her at an arcade far off from the hotel at night with her older brothers, but my parents did not let the end of the camp, I told her how I felt about her (despite the fact that my mother did not want me talking to her), and she shouted "ew!" and ran off....a year later, I saw her at a festival, and she smiled at me from afar, next to my sister, who was also smiling.....I had too much ADHD stimulants that day, and I was upset at my rejection, and I had a crush on another girl at the time, and felt that she was smiling because my sister told her my I gave her a dirty look, and walked off...i looked back, and she was still smiling.....but seemed to be a little disappointed, perhaps thinking i did not remember her.....i felt guilty and began to look for her later, but could not find her and before i knew it it was time for my family to go home.....i saw her again at a gulenist camp in the 8th grade, and by that point we were segregated by gender, and i saw her once walking with her friends, and said hi to her, but she did not hear me.....i tried adding her on social media in the 10th grader, but by that time she was all grown and her father did not allow her to talk to boys, even to say hi......i haven't talked to her in years, i haven't seen her in years...and I have no idea what kind of person she is now, but I do know her father..........and her older brother was my mentor in middle school....i told my mother and some family friends i wanted to court her but they said that i dont know her and should not have feelings for her because i do not know if she is the same person.....except for one family friend, who said that although i did not know her character, she still said it could i wrong for feeling this way when I dont know this girl, or anything about her?
  11. it's hurting my relationship with my mom, and my schoolwork.......i obsessed over a childhood friend of mine (who moved away when I was in the 7th grade and she was in the 5th grade, and who i last saw when i was in the 9th grade and she was in the 7th grade, her name was Halime)....unfortunately, astaghfirullah, my sins are keep her memory alive, i fantasize about her while pleasuring myself, and i am still trying to kick this habit......i often cuddle with my pillow, because i am more comfortable sleeping on my belly, while holding a pillow, and i can not help but pretend it is, i was at lunch at school, and i texted my mother asking her about my college application, and she texted back, and then i was asking her if i can court the girl while i am in my 3rd year of college, and she's in her first year of college......she simply wrote, "stop it" and i kept texting her asking for an answer, because she knew the girl's mother better and i did not know if the girl's parents would let her court in college.....i texted her and called her multiple times in a panic, and she didn't respond...i had asked, "would they allow it," and i apologized for texting her during her work and asked her not to tell my father, she said she didn't tell my father, and then she simply wrote, "no they would allow it," i was confused by the grammar, and kept asking her to clarfiy, but she didn't respond, and eventually, she said, "no, they would not allow," after I told her i was having a panic attack, and that i might have a meltdown (I have autism).......but only after a long time of waiting........i went a long time without doing much work in school because i was caught up.....but i as worried because there was one assignment i had to do, but the teacher wasn't there so i was unsure if i COULD do it or not, so i was afraid of getting a bad grade, also, the students were very rowdy....but finally, when i went to a busy class, i asked the teacher for permission to see a counselor, and she said yes, but the special education counselors were not available, and the regular counselor was not available for the past few hours and for another long period of time, so i went to the clinic because i was having thoughts of self harm ( i had even begun to slap myself on the chest out of frustration), but she said "it is outside my area" i told her i had already hit myself, and she got mad and said it is still outside her area, and when i tried explaining i was saying it just because......she wouldn't let me talk.......i finally got to talk to an assistant principle and a coach i trust, and calmed down, and went to class....later, my mom was coming home from work, and she said i could court her, and we went out to eat at a restaurant, and go to my sister's house to feed her cats while her and her husband were away.......but on the road home, she eventually said, her parents would likely not let me court her in college, and i would have to wait until graduation, and i tried convincing her otherwise, but she wouldn't stop, so i tried asking her how to cope with this realization, and i was looking for emotional support, not logic, but she just kept yelling that there's nothing i can do.....i kept trying to get her to understand, but she wouldn't, and kept interrupting me, and when we got home she was smothered by me, and was seething mad at me.......i ask myself, "is it really worth it?" "the end result is going to be the same, but yet you have the compulsion, the seething urge to predict your future when only Allah knows the Unseen......including the future....and knowing won't make a difference....why can't you just live in the present and focus on your studies?????" i even asked a girl with a boyfriend for her phone number at school today, and got it..... i am sorry if i have bothered you.....
  12. Too late. I already told her grandfather, whom I trust and see as a mentor, and he wasn't mad, but informed me that she tries to get away from me whenever she sees me, and doesn't like me one bit.
  13. ask her parents for her hand in marriage, work part time or full time while going to college after getting a scholarship, and be married to her while being poor temporarily, or while she supports herself and I, until I can finish my degree and get a better job......
  14. but what if her parents don't let her befriend boys or talk to them casually? knowing them, they probably don't.
  15. I am 17 right now, and when I am in college, or after college, I want to marry a sister in the community who is 2 years older than me....she is in her 2nd year of college right problem though is, i want to get a 4 year degree, so i wont be making much money for another 4-5 years, and by that time she'll have already found herself a husband older than me.....perhaps even older than her......also, she sees me as a little brother.....and I know that in Islam men are supposed to be the providers for women.....and my parents are unlikely to support me and her if we ever get married, as are her parents......that's how it is in the gulen movement community, couples are expected to provide for themselves if they want to get married.....what should i do? get an associate's degree so ill be making money faster? get a scholarship for college, and work 40 hours a week at a job, and 20 hours a week at school? anything else?