tennights, on Feb 2 2006, 10:34 AM, said:
1) u need permission from father if virgin, so u have to know whether she is or not
2) once u know she is not, u not allowd to do nikah (including muta) with her with exception if she married then divorced, which u know is not the case for ppl in high school and uni
unless u get her to repent which means she has to acknowledge it was wrong in the 1st place, suratal noor makes in haram for any believer to to nikah with her
muta is in the bible, and in the old days, the people of the book use to do it when needed, like they did it north america with natives cause in the begining there was not much women, but nowadays, ahlul-kitab don't do anything according to their books, they just do plain and simple zina, which make it haram for us to do muta with them,
now can someone tell me if I got all the facts above right or is there an exception rule with muta regarding marrying zina ppl?
Salaam brother, Its not that complicated as you think it is.. I have done Muta with christian, .. this is how i did it.. I went out on a date.. i dont even believe in doing anything physical on the first date anyways. I like to get to know each other.. if the chemistry is good.. she knows it.. and you know it.. the date goes successful.. you both click.. you feel in control of the situation.. had a good time.. she wants to see you again.. and you know its time to move the relationship further (physical).
This is when you should tell them about muta casually. The more serious you get them to think.. they more they get scared and run away.. So you tell them in a casual manner.. explain to them that you cannot touch her because of your personal beliefs... According to your beliefs i cannot touch you unless i am married. (At this point she might get a little confused). continue telling her... but there are two types of marriages, One is a marriage which is like our mom and dad's marriage which is permanent. and the other is fixed time marriage
. Fixed time marriage is like legal way of dating.. thats all.. so if you want me.. you have to say this.. tell her its more romantic if you understand.. tell her to repeat after you..
I am giving to you myself as your wife or companion, for this amount of time and this amount of dowry. and you say "I accept" and you HAVE To pay the amount whatever she said immediately. and you have to set a time limit.
she may tell you what if the time runs out. Tell her that you can leave me before or if you want to stay with me for more time for even lifetime we can always extend the time limit or turn into into a permanent marriage like our mom or dad in the future. its just saying this makes me feel that i am not disobaying God.
You will be surprised that she will smile or laugh and repeat it for you.. She may say that i dont believe in it but i'll repeat it for you.. and its good enough..
Believe me i have done Muta with a one penny. I have even done muta with one dollar. because the dowry was not an issue for them.. but later i have given them nice gifts.. took them out for shopping.. when i thought her company was worth it..and she deserves it.. then I spent a good money.. but i start with little money in the begining with quick and cheap dates (usually going just for over coffee)
Just go for them.. ask them out.. this is the most hard part.. anyways they are into Zina, and Haraam.. for them Muta is strange but its not a big deal. infact one girl felt that she was honoured that i offered her this previlege.. instead of just zina with no commitments. she thought it was the nicest thing somebody has offered her in a long time. and it was very romantic. she used to tell her friends .. We are temperarily married!!! .
If she does not to repeat after you (the muta lines).. for some odd reason.. and if she was ready to commit zina.. then you probably scared her away..... with your tone, or your seriousness.. you have to see if the chemistry is good.. make her laugh, rip on her.. making her laugh will make her feel comfortable.. what i also do is.. act like i am all that (as a joke). ask her to take you out for a movie, buy you popcorn, joke with her. . what have you done for me lately? something happens to them.. they dont feel intimadated anymore.., and start to feel comfortable with you.. and then they will be willing to do anything with you.. and Muta is what you want to do with them. (Halal)
always keep a good intention, If she wants to stay a virgin. dont convince her to break it.. you dont have to have intercourse in muta.. you can do outercourse .. and enjoy pleasure. its like eating a fat free, low calorie, guilt free cake.
If you have fallen in love.. and she has not.. and she wants to leave you.. after using you.. enjoying you.. relax, set her free.. and remember.. If your in Muta.. its not like Nikah, that its up to the man if he divorces her or not.. he can drag the qula as well.. but in Muta its her right ..she can dump you whenever she wants.. and for any reason she can leave you.. its her right.. in Nikah men have alot of rights.. in muta women have all the rights.. even for the smallest reason she can leave you.. and its ok. you just have to move on. she leaves you.. be a perfect gentlemen and always keep the door open. dont try to chase her, call her too much, threaten her, stalk her, follow her, beg her ... all this is a turn off! the more you do this.. the more she does not like you and is more turned off!!! the best thing to do is respect her decision and let her go.. give her space.. believe me she will respect you for this.. and after a few days she would'nt mind staying in touch or even getting back together.. and maybe this time around she may really fall in love with you.. because you were a perfect gentlemen when she was not sure about you.
some young girls i have heard say that the biggest gift you can give to your wife is your virginity. I disagree with this.. the biggest gift you can give to your wife is expertise and knowledge in how to be with your wife ( emotionally, physically, financially, and in every aspects). knowledge is not good enough.. if your experienced.. it comes very handy after marriage.. and she will thank you.
wear nice perfumes when your in muta. interesting seductive smells.. clean clothes, clean underwear and socks, polished shoes. and make sure you dont have a bad breath. also make sure if going to bed.. make sure you carry protection.. (condoms). I suggest wear two condoms.. not one in bed. unless you get her tested. because HIV is very common nowadays.
satisfying her sexually is another subject. fear of pregnancy is another subject.. how to avoid getting her pregnancy. If she gets pregnant.. then its your responsibility to take care of the upbringing of the baby atleast financially.
these are all Islamic values..