21 replies to this topic

[313Intuition]

Video Story Click Here
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Asalaamu Aleykum,

Just wanted to introduce myself and my story, inshaAllah it will benefit someone who is going through tough times, I'm sure you can definitely relate to me! I converted at age 17 about 6 years ago. I'm here to talk if anyone needs support! You can add me on FB or PM, whatever u prefer.

www.facebook.com/dijana.sirovica

Keep me in your duas!
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Here it goes....

I was just your average American girl, tournament winning wrestler, boyfriends, parties, prom, the whole cuts.  But thankfully I had one close friend that was always around. It was junior year of high school and I was driving back from lunch with my friend and she asked me “Dijana, do you believe in God?” I laughed for a whole minute then I realized she was serious, I choked and said “Uhm, I don’t know”. She used Pascal’s wager theory on me. “Dijana you won’t lose anything if you just learn about God”.  Pascal maintained “…Let us weigh the gain and the loss in wagering that God is. Let us estimate these two chances. If you gain, you gain all; if you lose, you lose nothing”. So I did what any other teenager would do, shrugged and whispered “sure”.
Who would’ve known I was curious now! I decided-- out of all places-- to go to my high school library and look up religious books. There was barely anything available and only one book on Islam, which I didn’t know what Islam was at the time, it was 3x2 inches dating from 1950’s with some strange desi publishers. I remember how ridiculous it was that there was no real material’s available. So I went back to good ol’ Google. I spent months researching what is God and faith. I had a certain idea about what God is and what God is not. I could not perceive God as like me. It was something beyond me and my knowledge and understanding; “greater” than me. After reading about the different explanations on god, I found peace and contentment in the Islamic definitions.
At this point I was months into my research and I was so excited about this religion thing. I had been living a life with absolutely no rules what so ever, so finding a system with rules about behavior, morals, and values—it was a treasure!
Well here was the tough part, my family was totally not religious, and I knew that. My father, (R.A; RIP), was a great person, beloved by the community. He came from a Muslim family, but he chose not to be religious. My mother, was Christian Protestant, and also not religious. Religion was simply culture in my family. I knew I could never talk to them about this stuff so I kept all my research secret and when I was ready to take my shahada (declaration of faith) I did so online, on myspace (yeah back in the myspace days). Funny how news travels; this kid who was a family friend saw my myspace and told his guardians who told my mom. That’s when the party started. It was all downhill for the next two years.
My mother, upon finding out that her daughter wants to be a Muslim, freaked out. “Jesil ti normalna?” a derogatory way of telling me I’m going crazy by asking me if I was normal. For the first three months of my research about religion, I remember trying to act like I was still considering Christianity, even though I tried to hide the fact that I was learning about religion in general. However, it was obvious I was and mom was always asking questions—“what is this book and that thing?” She had hope that I would become Christian and even thought she was threatening me by telling me I was baptized --- in her mind, I could never be Muslim. I doubt I was but regardless it was hard. Almost every single day I would come home from school with a confrontation.
The more I was learning about Islam the more I wanted to be righteous and wear modest clothes and hijab. I would buy tunics and my mom would slander me and call me a dirty Pakistani (I’m actually cleaning up her use of words). My brother had a hard time with this as well he didn’t know whether to be supportive, and would change one day from not saying anything at all to also joining the stop Dijana from becoming Muslim game.
My mom’s and brothers mission was to end my madness. They would throw away/tear/break my books/hijabs/materials on Islam. Confront me every day, took away my car, and even used my friends against me. They even went through all my belongings ove and over again, my diaries and personal (you don’t want ur family to see) things. I felt like I had no respect and not a shred of dignity left. Every day a family friend or family would come over to give me the “talk” on how I’m dishonoring my mother and that my father would be turning in his grave if he knew I was becoming a Muslim --- (a practicing one). One of our friends gave me a spiel about how faith is inside I don’t need to show it off, basically, told me to just hide it and shut up about it. The weirdest experience was when my mom got her friend to pretend to be my friend and acted as a mediator between us. She would tell me that she’s only here to help so that its okay to confess my feelings/thoughts/ etc. Later, I found out everything I told her any email I wrote was literally told to my mom and emails were printed and handed to my brother. I didn’t have many friends after converting mind you. I had a brother online in Jordan and the sister who helped me convert, but we didn’t see or speak to each other often. This entire struggle I was pretty much alone.
What’s interesting to me is that nobody came to defend me. My father’s family is supposedly Muslim, and they chose to just not interfere or say a word. I often wondered what my father would say, he passed away in 2003 (R.A) and I converted in Jan. of 2006. I think he would have also chosen not to speak or tell me to tone it down a bit (no hijab, keep the faith inside, etc). I slowly started to wear the hijab, one day here and there, to the mall. I started to love it. I knew that I had found the truth and I wasn’t going to let anyone interfere. But my mother was persistent in telling me how much she hated it and couldn’t stand it and would always refer me to Muslims, like the sister who helped me convert, who didn’t wear hijab and that I could just be like them. It was really hard to explain to her how personal this decision was and how Muslims are not all alike. Summer 07’ was around the corner and I was going to Europe again, but this time I decided to go to London instead of just Bosnia. I spent two months in London and it was the best time of my life. I never had to take my hijab off and It was the first time I could be myself without anyone yelling at me.
After London, I went to Bosnia for a few days, and I actually felt like I was in danger. My mother’s family confronted me every day, people were crying relentlessly in my home because I was wearing my hijab. I didn’t know at the time that I didn’t need to wear it in front of my uncles but regardless it was a lot of ridiculous fighting. They were convincing me I was going back 500 years and that I would be someone’s’ 10th wife living in a cave. Apparently they didn’t get the news about 4 being max =/. Haha. I really just refused to fight I just listened sometimes defended myself but often just shrugged it off. Until I was really tested. I grew up in Germany and my cousin from there was getting married, I had spent days picking out my outfit in London, I didn’t want to look like a Bedouin I bought sequin hijab and fancy shoes. The day of the wedding my aunt was supposed to drive us from Bosnia to Serbia (5 hour ride). And My other aunt in Serbia calls me and tells me “ You cant come, this is not a place for you looking like that, you don’t know what can happen to you”. It was heartbreaking. I was so angry. But they couldn’t change me I wouldn’t take my hijab off, I just cried myself to sleep and prayed.
I had many sleepless nights, wondering why I was chosen to represent Islam to my family. It’s been the hardest job that no one could prepare me for. It’s a constant battle-- my family always uses me as the bud of all jokes and always asks me when I’m going to take that “thing” off? My mom still wishes that it was just a phase.  What was hard about my conversion was that my mom was sick at the time with a herniated disc and was pretty much house bound. She complained that I was the reason for her stress and pain. Even my brother tried to throw that one on me, saying that my mother’s depression is because of me (she was sick for 5 years). I knew that I had found the truth, I knew that Islam was the way of life for me and it was the only way I was going to survive this life alone. But It was hard, the weight of my families fears was on me and I just tried to keep strong day after day.
I had to pray my prayers at night when everyone slept (all 5 of them) and I had to hide my Qur’an. I couldn’t talk about Islam, and even when I did no one heard or cared about a single would I would say. I just remember feeling like I didn’t want to be a part of this family anymore, that no one loved me, that they had forgotten my position as a daughter and sister. I felt like all they saw was a maniac in a cult and they didn’t want to have anything to do with me. It wasn’t until after I came back from London that my mom would actually call me to tell me she missed me. It was prayer, time and separation that healed the pains and frustrations. I was still her daughter and his sister, that’s all I wanted to prove to them. I have changed my actions in my daily activities and the way I look but I still loved them and didn’t want to hurt them. I just wanted this to be my thing I didn’t ever pressure them to accept Islam. From 07’ I lived alone, few months in London, most of the time in Cali near Uni. Separation helped a lot, they didn’t have me to confront every day and when they did see me they just wanted to know how I was doing. Alhamdulillah (as my mom says el-hamduleela) as the years passed by, the negativity turned into just joking about me and everyone just cooled down and started letting me be me. Sometimes I’ll get compliments on my hijab from family friend. I still live away from my mom and brother, but it helps us to miss each other and with the little time we have together they try to be kinder and more appreciative; however, they still worry about me being the youngest and all.
Tune in for part three... how I became shia’ and post-conversion family issues.

[InfiniteAscension]

This is a wonderful story. I would like to extend my warmest congratulations to you on your reversion. May God bless you on this infinite path to Him.

You said something quite profound in your video, though I am not sure you even realised. You said you had a sense, and an intuition of a Greater Being, something different from the created. That is actually the innate human disposition, which is God-given to every human being. In Quranic terms, it is known as the Fitra and it imbues everyone with a knowledge of the presence of God. All it needs is for man to pay attention to it, to remove the distractions of the world and just listen. I am glad you did.

[Ruffles]

Amazing story, subhanallah! Jazaki Allah for sharing sister!

[PureEthics]

SubhanAllah, indeed those that Allah loves put hardships on them that they can handle......

[Inquisitor]

That's an inspiring story. You mentioned 'Shia' in your profile...did you convert from being a Sunni or were you introduced to the Shia faith from the very beginning?

May Allah ease your troubles and keep you under His infinite mercy always.

[313Intuition]

Part 3: How I became Shia

Funny story.. uhm.. upon converting or learning about Islam, I didn’t have a clue about sunni or shia, most of the webpages that I was learning from were sunni and eventually I started attending a mosque/Islamic center that was sunni, however I didn’t know that until later. It had been a few months now of me being Muslim and I was sitting with my friend again at lunch and I was telling her some story about abu bakr and uthman, I can’t remember the details. I just remember her saying to me “Dijana you need to learn about Imam Hussein,” and I was like “Imam who?”
She didn’t really know how to tell/or teach me herself so we just left it at there. I went home and started researching more and came about the stories of Imam Hussein and ahlulbayt a.s. That’s when I started reading that there was a difference between shia and sunni and about the caliphate/imamate of Imam Ali A.S. I was using the webpage “shia encyclopedia” it’s the old black and white one. And the more I learned about ahlulbayt the more I related to their struggle.
I really respected the imam at the Islamic center which I attended, it was called “Zaytuna” and it is the most successful now in the Bay Area, California, and has now become a sunni college/Islamic school. The Imam was Hamza Yusuf, an American convert who is still very popular today. I sat in the front row and raised my hand after lecture and asked “Who are the Shia?”
To my surprise the room went a bit quiet. The imam took a pause and his facial expression changed to a distraught one. “The shia are a sect that deviated from Islam, they are rafidah, they have pictures of their imams and pray on a stone, this is haram, they are kafir”. (I hear that today the Imam has changed his view on the Shia and is promoting unity, however I haven’t been able to find much evidence for this beyond what his students say.)
I was writing down everything he said and I was wondering why he was so mad, when I had learned about the shia beliefs and didn’t know anything about the pictures or the stone.
I wanted to learn more about these shia’s, I went back to my friend and requested to go to her Islamic center, I probably asked her about three times before she found out the address and told me, she still doesn’t attend often so I don’t think she knew of the top of her head.
The center was weird. It was small, it had absolutely no signs. Inside, there was just carpets and floor seating, it was very empty. However, I had come on a night and there was an Iraqi brother lecturing, by the name of Abu Baqir. He was giving tafsir of surat yasin, and I waited until the end of the lecture to ask him about the things I had heard from the sunni imam.
He stated “You see our sunni brothers and sisters are misinformed and they do not understand a lot of our practices”, he later went to explain about the pictures and turbah. Everyone in the room was happy that I had come to ask questions and they gave me a stack of books.
I felt a really warm embrace. It was very important for me, this akhlaq, because it was here that I felt that Islam was really being practiced as compared to the angry imam.
I researched for another couple of months and what really striked me was the topics of infallibility and imamate. I didn’t even know that sunni’s thought the prophets made mistakes. It didn’t make sense to me why anyone would accept such a belief. Upon accepting Islam, I knew that God’s chosen prophet’s weren’t just any people, they were the most perfect beings, and it would be illogical if God chose someone to lead us to Him that made mistakes, because that would open up the door to anything of that prophet’s action being a mistake, who was going to then judge what was right and wrong if he couldn’t even do it? The shia position on this matter was inline with my original thoughts and didn’t take much convincing.
The proof for Imam Ali’s a.s. successorship in my eyes was unanimous. There is no way to deny the event of ghadeer and the special life and position of Imam Ali a.s. to the prophet, it would make no sense for anyone but him to rule the Muslims.
After I had realized this, and accepted Shia Islam (I was now Muslim for about 5-6 months). I only attended the shia center, which was very small, I had become the youth event’s coordinator and become friends with all the families. It was a small predominantly Afghan center, (www.fatimiyya.net ) which was cool because I found them to be a lot like Bosnians, so we got along.
There is a lot to say about my life as an evolving shia. This is a far more important aspect of my life, as a hawza student, I am now able to criticize our rituals vs our beliefs. InshaAllah I will be able to write about that more in the future.  
Wasalaamu Aleykum,
Iltemase Dua!

[Sapphire]

MASHALLAH Inspiring.

[Waiting for HIM]

 313Intuition, on 27 November 2012 - 05:46 AM, said:

Part 3: How I became Shia
There is a lot to say about my life as an evolving shia. This is a far more important aspect of my life, as a hawza student, I am now able to criticize our rituals vs our beliefs. InshaAllah I will be able to write about that more in the future.  

Hawza student, mashAllah.. But oops they already made you a Shia Wahabi , which howza you go to?

You got to learn the rituals from a humanistic view of how humans evolve and how certain foods, attires, actions, become part of culture which also reflect in the expression of love for our Aimah. No need criticizing them. This part particularly I would ask you to learn with open mind and heart, adding more than religious books dimensions into it, never learn it from ritual apologists who garb their disdain of culture in their religiosity. Rituals without the meanings are obviously senseless, rituals with meanings are good, in fact mustahibat (for reference please see opinions and recommendations of our Marajae about the rituals of Azadari).

Edited by Waiting for HIM, 27 November 2012 - 09:00 AM.

[313Intuition]

 Waiting for HIM, on 27 November 2012 - 08:42 AM, said:

Hawza student, mashAllah.. But oops they already made you a Shia Wahabi , which howza you go to?

You got to learn the rituals from a humanistic view of how humans evolve and how certain foods, attires, actions, become part of culture which also reflect in the expression of love for our Aimah. No need criticizing them. This part particularly I would ask you to learn with open mind and heart, adding more than religious books dimensions into it, never learn it from ritual apologists who garb their disdain of culture in their religiosity. Rituals without the meanings are obviously senseless, rituals with meanings are good, in fact mustahibat (for reference please see opinions and recommendations of our Marajae about the rituals of Azadari).

Yeah I agree, I have a sociology background, i.e criticize/observe/explain etc etc.  im at al-mahdi institute www.almahdi.edu

[313Intuition]

I dislike names such as "shia wahhabi" "extremist" etc. Labelling shias and sunnis that you don't know will only be a detriment to us, and is not the way of the prophet pbuh as we shouldnt give people nicknames.

[bosnian-77]

MashaAllah,znaci ti si Bosanka?

how comes your mom is protestant?is she bosnian or american did not get that?

[Abu Hadi]

Salam Alekum Sister,

Thank you for sharing your story on this forum. Hopefully it will inspire others. I am also a revert and was raised in a Christian Protestant family in Southern California.
There are alot of similarities between your reversion story and mine (except I'm a guy. lol).
There is a well known saying of the Imams(a.s) that 'Paradise is surrounded by trials and tragedies and Hellfire is surrounded by lusts and pleasures'.
So if you're surrounded by trials and tragedies (in the way of Allah(s.w.a) of course), then you're on the road to Paradise.
The religion of Islam , as taught by Prophet Muhammad(p.b.u.h) was saved from destruction by the sacrifice of Imam Hussein(a.s) and the martyrs of Karbala. It is preserved by Imams(a.s) of Ahl Al Bayt to this day and till the Day of Resurrection. Anyone who wishes to be lead to the truth will find it.
Salam and thanks again for your inspirational story.

[Yusuf_Ali]

wa Alaikum Salam sister,

Mashallah ! That was a very touching story and I can definitely relate. May Allah (SWT) bless you throughout your journey !

Yusuf Ali

[Ali Musaaa :)]

Salaam sister,

Masha'Allah, I have only skimmed through your story but it was beautiful. When I find some time later on I shall read over it with care. I'm also a revert 20th of Ramadan 2011, it always brings me great pleasure to hear the stories of those who seek to walk in the Light of Allah, His Messenger and the Ahlul Bayt .

I still can't believe Hamza Yusuf actually said that... I guess he isn't aware of the fact that its recorded in Sunan An-Nasa'i that some Sahabah would prostrate on stones. But anyway

[Ali94]

Salaamun'Alaikum sister,

Truly your story is so Amazing! I enjoyed reading it and Insha'Allah it would be encouragement for anyone who is going through a similar trial.


Khuda Hafiz.

[rajaa]

Salaam,

WOW your story is extremly close to mine its scary lol but mine is the italian version.....congrats!

[313Intuition]

 bosnian-77, on 06 March 2013 - 08:36 AM, said:

MashaAllah,znaci ti si Bosanka?

how comes your mom is protestant?is she bosnian or american did not get that?

Da rodjena sam u Teslicu

Well half of the Bosnians are christian so its not that big of a surprise I guess.

[struggling_On]

sister, your story is amazing. Mashallah,   and I just came cross a hadith, that Guidance is only from Allah(SWT), the most high, the most holy.


A number of our people has narrated from Ahmad ibn Muhammad ibn ‘Isa from Muhammad ibn Isma‘il from Isma‘il al-Sarraj from ibn Maskan from Thabit in Sa‘id who has said the following. "Abu ‘Abdallah (a.s.) said, ‘O Thabit, why would you bother about people. Leave them alone and do not call anyone to accept your faith. I swear by Allah that even if all the people in the heavens and earth would come together to guide a person whom Allah wants not to guide they will never be able to guide him. If all the people in the heavens and earth would come together to misguide a person whom Allah wants to guide, they will never be able to misguide
him. Leave the people alone. Let no one say, ‘O my uncle, my brother, the son of my uncle and my neighbor.’ When Allah wants good for a person He cleanses his spirit. He then would not hear any lawful thing but that he knows it and no unlawful thing but that he dislikes it. Then Allah places a word in his heart with which He organizes all his affairs."

H 408, Ch. 34, h 1 (Al-kafi)

[abubasil]

Asalamoalaykom
May Allah Bless you all
I am from Iraq, Muslim , shia
AND THIS IS MY FIRST DAY AND FIRST POST
I THINK IT WILL BE BETTER TO CHANGE THE NAME OF THIS SECTION FROM "CONVERTING OR REVERTING" TO SIMPLY
""NEW MUSLIM"" PEOPLE ARE NOT CARS TO USE CONVERT OR REVERT.

[Hassan5785]

Salam alaikum, I'm from Michigan.

[Hassan5785]

I remember when I reverted to Islam, I got a bad reaction from my uncle calling me a terrorist and my old friends from high school giving me bad reactions for giving up bad lifestyle choices like partying, drinking, and going to rock concerts.