28 replies to this topic

[mimo19]

Al salamo 3alaykom,

I was engaged to a guy for about 2 years and we were supposed to get married really soon.  sUddenly I dont know what happened to him he stopped answering me. its been a few months no sign of him other than him ignoring my msgs. I want an istikhara to know if I should keep waiting or if Allah thinks its best that I forget him?  and also what should I do and whats happening.


Thank you

[Allahuakbar]

It is best to contact a scholar for an istikhara, especially if it is for marriage. Make sure your family is involved, their are important players. InshaAllah, what is best for you will happen.

[mimo19]

ahlulbayti, on 06 August 2012 - 01:53 AM, said:

i agree   same goes with me

My family is already involved  and no one neither his family understand whats happening.....

ahlulbayti, on 06 August 2012 - 01:53 AM, said:

i agree   same goes with me

and the only scholar I know if where I live , but I feel like  when you seek for his help then everyone will know about it .... so thats why I am asking for help on this forum

[mimo19]

shadow_of_light, on 06 August 2012 - 04:50 AM, said:

According to my knowledge, istikhareh must be the last option. That is, you should first think, use advices of others, (as to marriage) you should try to find some information about the man, his family, etc,...., and finally, if after doing these things, you are still in doubt and cant make any decision, you can ask a very faithful person who is familiar with the process, to do istikhara for you.

Well if I am here its because I  need help and I seeked every help that I know before coming here.  I am engaged to him so obviously I know him and I know his family. Like I said the only scholar I know here, doesnt really keep things confidential so thats why I am in this forum trying to find someone whoc an do the istikhara for me.

[Gypsy]

mimo19, on 05 August 2012 - 06:32 PM, said:

Al salamo 3alaykom,

I was engaged to a guy for about 2 years and we were supposed to get married really soon.  sUddenly I dont know what happened to him he stopped answering me. its been a few months no sign of him other than him ignoring my msgs. I want an istikhara to know if I should keep waiting or if Allah thinks its best that I forget him?  and also what should I do and whats happening.


Thank you

You need to get in touch with him and ask if you are still engaged because he might have broke it off without even informing you. Can't you walk over to where he is and ask him face-to-face?

[Allahuakbar]

mimo19, on 06 August 2012 - 03:59 AM, said:

My family is already involved  and no one neither his family understand whats happening.....



and the only scholar I know if where I live , but I feel like  when you seek for his help then everyone will know about it .... so thats why I am asking for help on this forum

Muslim scholars have a moral obligation to protect people's privacy... I don't think the scholar will disclose info about you or your family and even if he does, you did not create this problem what do you have to fear?

If you still are not comfortable, contact (call/e-mail) another scholar.

InshaAllah khair.

[mimo19]

Allahuakbar, on 06 August 2012 - 01:50 PM, said:

Muslim scholars have a moral obligation to protect people's privacy... I don't think the scholar will disclose info about you or your family and even if he does, you did not create this problem what do you have to fear?

If you still are not comfortable, contact (call/e-mail) another scholar.

InshaAllah khair.

they do have that obligation but not everyone respects it. Even thought , i did not create that problem I have the right for my privacy and since I know that the scholar in my city does not respect that privacy I wont seek help from him.

I dont know another scholar so thats why I am here....If anyone has  an email of a trusted scholar please feel free to give it to me.

[tearsofregret]

Asalam Alykum sister,

I hope you're in good health. I am sorry for your situation and you have been quite brave to come on here and request this route. Seeking Allah's pleasure is utmost important and it is this desire that can make faith stronger in our hearts than the mountains of all worlds. Regarding what you've requested, you can do Istikhara yourself in this situation, please use the following link: http://www.duas.org/istikhara.htm. I personally use Dua 7. Be advised Allah's wisdom has no bounds therefore if you do the Istekhara then you're bound by it so if this gentleman does turn up into your life you may need to do another Istikhara and if it comes no it may create further heartache for you. In regards to  confidentiality issues, I personally heavily rely on leader.ir to ask advice this website to found issues and advices as most problems have already been discussed here. In regards to praying, ask Allah to strengthen your faith and send Imam-E-Zamana (A.S.) for our guidance. Once again I am very sorry about your situation and you can use this method to yourself. InshAllah the Lord of all that exists and could ever exist and did exist will have mercy on you.

Asalam Alykum

[Kirmani]

Mimo19, someone on this site suggested to me Ayatollah Saanei, and his website http://saanei.org/ where you can do an istihkhara online

now i know recently there was some issues with this person as he was demoted or something (I dont have all the facts) but so far I have been sending him requests for Istikhara for well over a few months now and I am AlhumduLilah very satisfied. All you do is make a niyyah for istikhara, click on the button and they give you a confirmation code with which you can come back and check the answer for your Istikhara.

I know, i was very wary at first, but it has been very satisfactory for me. Like someone suggested above you could do istikhara yourself, but you have to be very mature and neutral about it (sometimes your own strong desires may make you want to interpret something your way). That's why I rely on a scholar, i.e you tell them nothing, except that you have made a niyyah, and that way the answer they give you is completley unbiased

[mimo19]

Kirmani, on 07 August 2012 - 10:10 PM, said:

Mimo19, someone on this site suggested to me Ayatollah Saanei, and his website http://saanei.org/ where you can do an istihkhara online

now i know recently there was some issues with this person as he was demoted or something (I dont have all the facts) but so far I have been sending him requests for Istikhara for well over a few months now and I am AlhumduLilah very satisfied. All you do is make a niyyah for istikhara, click on the button and they give you a confirmation code with which you can come back and check the answer for your Istikhara.

I know, i was very wary at first, but it has been very satisfactory for me. Like someone suggested above you could do istikhara yourself, but you have to be very mature and neutral about it (sometimes your own strong desires may make you want to interpret something your way). That's why I rely on a scholar, i.e you tell them nothing, except that you have made a niyyah, and that way the answer they give you is completley unbiased

Thank you so much !! How long does it usually take before getting an answer ?

tearsofregret, on 07 August 2012 - 10:19 AM, said:

Asalam Alykum sister,

I hope you're in good health. I am sorry for your situation and you have been quite brave to come on here and request this route. Seeking Allah's pleasure is utmost important and it is this desire that can make faith stronger in our hearts than the mountains of all worlds. Regarding what you've requested, you can do Istikhara yourself in this situation, please use the following link: http://www.duas.org/istikhara.htm. I personally use Dua 7. Be advised Allah's wisdom has no bounds therefore if you do the Istekhara then you're bound by it so if this gentleman does turn up into your life you may need to do another Istikhara and if it comes no it may create further heartache for you. In regards to  confidentiality issues, I personally heavily rely on leader.ir to ask advice this website to found issues and advices as most problems have already been discussed here. In regards to praying, ask Allah to strengthen your faith and send Imam-E-Zamana (A.S.) for our guidance. Once again I am very sorry about your situation and you can use this method to yourself. InshAllah the Lord of all that exists and could ever exist and did exist will have mercy on you.

Asalam Alykum

Al salam 3alaykom ,

Thank you I will definitely be looking at it . I really appreciate your help

[Kirmani]

mimo19, on 08 August 2012 - 09:44 AM, said:

Thank you so much !! How long does it usually take before getting an answer ?

It's fairly quick, sometimes the you can get an answer in as little as 24 hours to as late as 2-3 days. And the best part is that the Istikhara comes with some advice sometimes e.g

"InshAllah it is very good for you"
"InshAllah it is very good for you but you have to be patient as you will encounter some problems"
"It is very bad as there is corruption" etc etc

[mimo19]

Kirmani, on 08 August 2012 - 10:29 AM, said:

It's fairly quick, sometimes the you can get an answer in as little as 24 hours to as late as 2-3 days. And the best part is that the Istikhara comes with some advice sometimes e.g

"InshAllah it is very good for you"
"InshAllah it is very good for you but you have to be patient as you will encounter some problems"
"It is very bad as there is corruption" etc etc

Lets say that for example it tells me that its very good .. What do I do in that case ? Do I just wait and the problem will be solved by itself ?

[phoenix]

Al-salaamu `alaykum

If families are involved, how come no one knows his whereabouts?

If you have resolved on an istikharah, why do you not do it yourself?

What is this engagement that you are talking about? Is it a proper Islamic `aqd with the recitation of the Seeghah or simply cultural?

[Kirmani]

mimo19, on 08 August 2012 - 11:31 AM, said:

Lets say that for example it tells me that its very good .. What do I do in that case ? Do I just wait and the problem will be solved by itself ?

well depends on what your intention was. So your istikhara should basically be basically asking if a certain path is good for you.

For example if you want to know that you should stay engaged to the guy and pursue the marriage you should say:

"I make the niyyah for Istikhara that InshAllah it is good for me to stay engaged and pursue this marriage". The Ayatollah will always reply either "Your Istikhara is very good" or "Your Istikhara is very bad". So if it comes up good then you know you should pursue this engagement and try your best to make it happen etc etc.


Now keep something in mind, although it is not WAJIB to follow the answer your Istikhara, if you decide to do something contrary to the answer then bascially you will lose (As Allah is Telling you a certain path is not good for you and if you do the opposite you are virtually ignoring Allah's Advice). There were a few Istikharas that I had done for which the answers made me VERY VERY depressed as I really wanted to go down those paths, but I cant tell you how amazing and shocked you feel yourself when you look back in hindsight and realize how true the path you took with Istikhara really was.

[tearsofregret]

Asalam Alykum,

MashAllah sister you've gotten your advice now it is up to you to follow this personal matter. Remember maturity comes with wisdom and I believe that if you are wise enough to understand that path then you are surely wise enough to do Istikhara yourself as Allah has strengthened faith in your heart. Regarding Istikhara not being wajib; though everyone has their views, I would never ever accept that Istikhara is not wajib. Istikhara is done to seek Allah's guidance. Why do it and get opinion from Allah and go against it? There is no logic in this. It is like me going to a tailor and saying 'if I give you this material can you make a water proof suit out of it and he replies no. Then me using my 'own' opinion over the expert of the tailoring system bring around the same material and ask him to make a suit. So if it is not water proof can I complain to the tailor? If I was the tailor I would say 'justice served for not listening'. Bottom line, never go ask the advice from Allah, Prophets (A.S./S.A.W.) and Imams (A.S.) if you do not intend to act upon it sincerely. It is the most disrespectful act one can do against his creator or those whom Allah has vested authority. For further understanding reflect upon the situation where Prophet (S.A.W.) request an action where by 2nd Caliph used his judgement saying Prophet (S.A.W.) did not know what he was saying and therefore did what he thought was better over what he was told advised (Sahih Muslim, Book 13, Hadith 4016). Remember obey without question, follow without intention to receive and ponder on the wisdom; that's who we are and that is what we live for.

[mimo19]

phoenix, on 08 August 2012 - 02:06 PM, said:

Al-salaamu `alaykum

If families are involved, how come no one knows his whereabouts?

If you have resolved on an istikharah, why do you not do it yourself?

What is this engagement that you are talking about? Is it a proper Islamic `aqd with the recitation of the Seeghah or simply cultural?

Hi i really feel like your attacking me. first family are involved. if we are engaged then obviously they are . come one  what kind of question is that .  when he is asked by his family what happened and why he is ignoring me he says he doesnt want to discuss this subject.


if iam not doing the istikharah myself its because I dont know how to do it

yes it is a proper islamic engagement !

tearsofregret, on 08 August 2012 - 03:42 PM, said:

Asalam Alykum,

MashAllah sister you've gotten your advice now it is up to you to follow this personal matter. Remember maturity comes with wisdom and I believe that if you are wise enough to understand that path then you are surely wise enough to do Istikhara yourself as Allah has strengthened faith in your heart. Regarding Istikhara not being wajib; though everyone has their views, I would never ever accept that Istikhara is not wajib. Istikhara is done to seek Allah's guidance. Why do it and get opinion from Allah and go against it? There is no logic in this. It is like me going to a tailor and saying 'if I give you this material can you make a water proof suit out of it and he replies no. Then me using my 'own' opinion over the expert of the tailoring system bring around the same material and ask him to make a suit. So if it is not water proof can I complain to the tailor? If I was the tailor I would say 'justice served for not listening'. Bottom line, never go ask the advice from Allah, Prophets (A.S./S.A.W.) and Imams (A.S.) if you do not intend to act upon it sincerely. It is the most disrespectful act one can do against his creator or those whom Allah has vested authority. For further understanding reflect upon the situation where Prophet (S.A.W.) request an action where by 2nd Caliph used his judgement saying Prophet (S.A.W.) did not know what he was saying and therefore did what he thought was better over what he was told advised (Sahih Muslim, Book 13, Hadith 4016). Remember obey without question, follow without intention to receive and ponder on the wisdom; that's who we are and that is what we live for.

Thanks for the information ! Sure , if ia m seeking Allah'S guidance it is to follow it not to go against it.

[John Al-Ameli]

mimo19, on 05 August 2012 - 06:32 PM, said:

Al salamo 3alaykom,

I was engaged to a guy for about 2 years and we were supposed to get married really soon.  sUddenly I dont know what happened to him he stopped answering me. its been a few months no sign of him other than him ignoring my msgs. I want an istikhara to know if I should keep waiting or if Allah thinks its best that I forget him?  and also what should I do and whats happening.


Thank you

He is doing ALL THAT and you want to do a istikhara??

Ya Allllaaaaaaaaaahhhh

[mimo19]

RoAcHy, on 08 August 2012 - 09:57 PM, said:

He is doing ALL THAT and you want to do a istikhara??

Ya Allllaaaaaaaaaahhhh

I didnt ask for such comment on my relation. I am here asking for help. Keeep such comments for yourself. And YEs I still want to do an istikhara and there is no wrong in seeking Allah's guidance no matter what the situation is.

[mimo19]

Kirmani, on 08 August 2012 - 02:43 PM, said:

well depends on what your intention was. So your istikhara should basically be basically asking if a certain path is good for you.

For example if you want to know that you should stay engaged to the guy and pursue the marriage you should say:

"I make the niyyah for Istikhara that InshAllah it is good for me to stay engaged and pursue this marriage". The Ayatollah will always reply either "Your Istikhara is very good" or "Your Istikhara is very bad". So if it comes up good then you know you should pursue this engagement and try your best to make it happen etc etc.


Now keep something in mind, although it is not WAJIB to follow the answer your Istikhara, if you decide to do something contrary to the answer then bascially you will lose (As Allah is Telling you a certain path is not good for you and if you do the opposite you are virtually ignoring Allah's Advice). There were a few Istikharas that I had done for which the answers made me VERY VERY depressed as I really wanted to go down those paths, but I cant tell you how amazing and shocked you feel yourself when you look back in hindsight and realize how true the path you took with Istikhara really was.

Al salamo 3laykom I got that my istikhara is very good !!! but now I dont know what to do ..... do I just give him his space and not contact him until he does or what ? :s

[Gypsy]

mimo19, on 10 August 2012 - 05:19 AM, said:

Al salamo 3laykom I got that my istikhara is very good !!! but now I dont know what to do ..... do I just give him his space and not contact him until he does or what ? :s

You know that good Istikhara can also turned bad? I know relationship that didn't work out even though the Istikhara came out nicely.

You wont be able to do much here since you don't really know what is going on with his life.

[mimo19]

I have faith that it will be good . its Allah's willl.

[Kirmani]

mimo19, on 10 August 2012 - 05:19 AM, said:

Al salamo 3laykom I got that my istikhara is very good !!! but now I dont know what to do ..... do I just give him his space and not contact him until he does or what ? :s

Walaikum Assalaam,

Ok so I'm guessing the istikhara you did was "InshAllah it is good for me that I marry this guy" or something lol. Ok so first I'm happy that you are happy,

But remember, Gypsy raises a very good point. Just because the Istikhara says that it is good for you DOES NOT NECESSARILY mean that you will end up with him! (Or that if you end up marrying him you can just sit down and relax and that you two will have a happy life together).

It just means that pursuing this path is good for you right now. You should be prepared for the following possibilities:

-It could mean that you should try and pursue this marriage and in this way you may find out something about this guy that you really dont like and therefore decide not to get married to him and this way ALL YOUR DOUBTS are erased and you will not be depressed and asking "What if" questions in the future

-It could mean that in this pursuit you may stumble onto something or someone that is beneficial for you or your family

-Or it could really mean that you two should definitley get married and that you will be very happy together (but that doesnt mean you just sit down and do nothing, you both should work hard and be equal committed partners)

Now in terms of pursuit, yeah you should probably not push the guy too much as you might scare him away. You should probably send him a message (and MAKE SURE he gets it) saying that you performed an Istikhara and the results you got and that you really do want to pursure this marriage as you have no doubts and are willing to work out all the matters, but that HE NEEDS TO REPLY with an answer or what his thoughts are as you cant wait for him forever. (Make sure you make clear that you DONT want a yes or no answer immediately, but that you just atleast need him to discuss this with you, but that if he doesnt reply at all and keeps ignoring you that you will end this).

If the Istikhara really means that it will be a good marriage then great, but if the other guy is for whatever not willing to then unfortunately there is nothing you can do. Besides it's his loss, not yours

Wish you all the best!

[mimo19]

Kirmani, on 10 August 2012 - 08:02 AM, said:

Walaikum Assalaam,

Ok so I'm guessing the istikhara you did was "InshAllah it is good for me that I marry this guy" or something lol. Ok so first I'm happy that you are happy,

But remember, Gypsy raises a very good point. Just because the Istikhara says that it is good for you DOES NOT NECESSARILY mean that you will end up with him! (Or that if you end up marrying him you can just sit down and relax and that you two will have a happy life together).

It just means that pursuing this path is good for you right now. You should be prepared for the following possibilities:

-It could mean that you should try and pursue this marriage and in this way you may find out something about this guy that you really dont like and therefore decide not to get married to him and this way ALL YOUR DOUBTS are erased and you will not be depressed and asking "What if" questions in the future

-It could mean that in this pursuit you may stumble onto something or someone that is beneficial for you or your family

-Or it could really mean that you two should definitley get married and that you will be very happy together (but that doesnt mean you just sit down and do nothing, you both should work hard and be equal committed partners)

Now in terms of pursuit, yeah you should probably not push the guy too much as you might scare him away. You should probably send him a message (and MAKE SURE he gets it) saying that you performed an Istikhara and the results you got and that you really do want to pursure this marriage as you have no doubts and are willing to work out all the matters, but that HE NEEDS TO REPLY with an answer or what his thoughts are as you cant wait for him forever. (Make sure you make clear that you DONT want a yes or no answer immediately, but that you just atleast need him to discuss this with you, but that if he doesnt reply at all and keeps ignoring you that you will end this).

If the Istikhara really means that it will be a good marriage then great, but if the other guy is for whatever not willing to then unfortunately there is nothing you can do. Besides it's his loss, not yours

Wish you all the best!

thanks for the advices i really appreciate it   it also said Rely on Allah...

[Shiashiashia!]

RoAcHy, on 08 August 2012 - 09:57 PM, said:

He is doing ALL THAT and you want to do a istikhara??

Ya Allllaaaaaaaaaahhhh

Exactly what I thought