8 replies to this topic

[neotherios]

     Yesterday, I was debating with a friend about the issue of temporary marriage. We managed to get over the point that it is permitted in Islam. However, he raised the issue about the future implications of mut'ah on nikah. He argued that one who engages in mut'ah and in the future marries a different person will have a burden on his back. This burden is put when one has to mention to their partner their past sexual relations and whether or not they are a virgin.

     Furthermore, this argument implies that one has to confess their past sexual relationships, what is the Islamic standpoint on this issue? If yes, then, will that confession not discourage the partner from getting married due to not being chaste? If no, then, should the person lie and confess that they are a virgin or should they just find another partner that will accept this condition?

[Gypsy]

You don't have to confess about your past sexual relationship to anyone. If the person you wish to marry indicated that he/she wish to marry a virgin, then you should find a way to excuse yourself from marrying them.

[Ya Aba 3abdillah]

I think they bigger problem mut'a seekers might face would be finding someone who's willing to be used. I don't think there's a whole lot of women out there that will agree to temp marriage if it's just for the sake of being used. The Shia men that usually engage in it, for the most part, will deceive the girl because she'll think the man is in it for love. If you end up leaving them, you'll likely have ruined the image and reputation of Islam, which is disliked. This is another reason why temp marriage is recommended only within the Shia community.

Gypsy, on 18 July 2012 - 08:58 AM, said:

If the person you wish to marry indicated that he/she wish to marry a virgin, then you should find a way to excuse yourself from marrying them.

That's if they don't excuse themselves first after you make such a demand lol

[Gypsy]

Ya Aba 3abdillah, on 18 July 2012 - 08:59 AM, said:

That's if they don't excuse themselves first after you make such a demand lol

I've seen people getting divorce over the virginity issues. It seems that boys still get married to nice sweet girls from back home.

There's some mention of this whole virginity issues in the risala of the marja, prerequisite, permission of the guardian and as such. Apparently virginity is still view as a commodity or at least something that is perceive to be important in a marriage.

[Ruq]

Telling of past sexual partners is kind of a catch-22 because if you dont want to give that information you have 2 options: Say 'i dont want to say', which could give the other person the idea that there are more than there actually is(!) and doesnt give a good impression. Or you can lie, which is haram. So its not really something you can win with if past partners are going to be a problem for your future partner.

[coldcow]

Ya Aba 3abdillah, on 18 July 2012 - 08:59 AM, said:

I think they bigger problem mut'a seekers might face would be finding someone who's willing to be used. I don't think there's a whole lot of women out there that will agree to temp marriage if it's just for the sake of being used. The Shia men that usually engage in it, for the most part, will deceive the girl because she'll think the man is in it for love. If you end up leaving them, you'll likely have ruined the image and reputation of Islam, which is disliked. This is another reason why temp marriage is recommended only within the Shia community.

If a women is being taken care of, or has the ability to take care of herself, it is difficult to "use" her.  Problems arise when widows have mouths to feed at home, or are abandoned by their family for whatever reason.  At that point, if they aren't educated and have no means of supporting themselves, they become vulnerable to being used.  Some people might argue that mutah is like charity for these women, but I say if you want to give charity you give it and don't ask for anything in return.

Now in Iran, unfortunately, people have managed to take mutah to a whole new level of commercialization that we in the west would call prostitution.  I see no other term for exchanging money with a women for a short term relationship that involves physical intimacy.  There's actually a thing in the west called escort services, basically you pay a woman/company a pre-determined amount of money to have a woman spend time with you.  Whatever happens during that time is between you and the woman - it's a legal way of being a prostitute in the US.  Often time businessmen use these services when on long trips away from their spouses.

[UmmAhmad]

Ya Aba 3abdillah, on 18 July 2012 - 08:59 AM, said:

I think they bigger problem mut'a seekers might face would be finding someone who's willing to be used. I don't think there's a whole lot of women out there that will agree to temp marriage if it's just for the sake of being used. The Shia men that usually engage in it, for the most part, will deceive the girl because she'll think the man is in it for love. If you end up leaving them, you'll likely have ruined the image and reputation of Islam, which is disliked. This is another reason why temp marriage is recommended only within the Shia community.



That's if they don't excuse themselves first after you make such a demand lol

Correct me if I am wrong, because I am VERY ignorant in this topic and maybe I misunderstood your point, but if the man is being deceptive wouldn't that make it haram?

[HellHound]

UmmAhmad, on 18 July 2012 - 06:33 PM, said:

Correct me if I am wrong, because I am VERY ignorant in this topic and maybe I misunderstood your point, but if the man is being deceptive wouldn't that make it haram?

More or less. But things being haraam doesn't stop someone from using them now, does it?

[Hoper]

Ya Aba 3abdillah, on 18 July 2012 - 08:59 AM, said:

I think they bigger problem mut'a seekers might face would be finding someone who's willing to be used. I don't think there's a whole lot of women out there that will agree to temp marriage if it's just for the sake of being used. The Shia men that usually engage in it, for the most part, will deceive the girl because she'll think the man is in it for love. If you end up leaving them, you'll likely have ruined the image and reputation of Islam, which is disliked. This is another reason why temp marriage is recommended only within the Shia community.



That's if they don't excuse themselves first after you make such a demand lol

Salam Aleikum!

brother, I do not agree with you at all, I am talking from experiences, women appreciate honesty and Mutah is no abuse instrument, Mutah in fact makes things clear who wants what and for how long and why. It is not out of the blue that Imam Ali said that Mutah is a mercy from Allah. So if one can rationally explain what it is, women really appreciate it, of course depends on a women herself too, do not expect to meet a women in pub whose life revolves around what Britney Spears wears to realize the rationale behind Mutah.

This does not mean that Mutah cannot be abused, everything can be abused, SubhanAllah look at Khawarij and Wahhabis today, they even abused the concept of Tauwhid.

Contracting Mutah with a women and not telling her that one is married or that he does not aim to marry her permanently is a major ahlaq flow that a real man and a follower of the Quran should never do.