42 replies to this topic

[I Believe]

(Sorry if this is in the wrong forum...)

I'm wondering if getting a PHD was worth it to anyone that has done it or currently in the process. I'm almost done with my Master's degree in Child Development and Learning Disabilties. If I do go for a PHD I'd end up begining my program in 2013 and I'd be 23 so I know I'd be done before 30 (inshallah...).

My biggest concern is:

1. Feeling like I wasted my whole youth in college.
2. No one wanting to marry me because I'm "too smart."
3. Losing even more friends because right now I work full time and go to grad school. Most of my friends are in undergrad and living off their parents. I barely have time for anyone/anything anymore.

I have a high GPA (thank God) so I will probably earn plenty of grants for a PHD. I haven't really narrowed down what my field will be yet but I'm currently a special education teacher/interventionist and I enjoy my field very much.

Ok. I know the benefits of a PHD, but what could be some of the draw backs?

Help?

[mohammad_mahdi]

Personally i think a PHD is much needed in the economic climate we're currently living in, regardless of where in the world you live. It is getting tougher and tougher to get a job, and every Tom, Richard and Harry has a bachelors of something these days, a PhD can be the only differentiating factor in a job interview.
And any potential spouse who doesn't approve of you being 'too smart' is probably not a suitable potential spouse anyway

And Allah (SWT) knows best

[awaiting_for_the.12th]

Well the drawbacks are exactly the ones you listed . But maybe you can find someone in the same field and both of you can support each other during these years. Also, you choose a really good field inshAllah you will benefit alot

PS That avatar smh lol. You working on your PhD

[-Enlightened]

go for it sister. Nothing can prevent you from gaining knowledge.  About your social life, it only needs balance and you can do it !
about marriage, Allah will arrange one for you . Put your trust in Allah and continue what you're doing , i support it ..it's nice to see educated muslims in our society such as you

[AlwaysChangingHisUserName]

You're worried about getting married because you're too smart?    
That's preposterous.

[salman1]

As-salam-alaikum,

Sister take my advice and get married first and then pursue a PHD. There is a growing number of Muslim females in north america who are over 25 and single and are increasingly finding it harder to find a husband simply because they are perceived to be old or they are looking for someone of an equal educational rank. While I don't agree with these reasons for not marrying a person over 25 but why risk it? Are you willing to put your hopes of getting married on the line for a PHD which may or not provide you benefit or would you rather do the opposite?

[Propaganda_of_the_Deed]

My prof only suggested it if I wanted to be a professor myself (which I do not), so I'm just gonna settle with the Master's.

One drawback is you end being so institutionalized, and become a professional student, without having worked in a job in the outside world related to your field, but in your case you already are by the sounds of it.

[Quranist]

get married and start doing house chores, thats the best for u.

[Nadir]

the solution to life, according to sc, is marriage. not phd. lanat on phds! ignorance is bliss!

[covertiman]

Discuss this with your family because it depends on their opinions and values. It also depends on your field. Are you competitive enough with a Master's degree. Do you prefer to go into the work force instead of another couple years of academia? May you can work a couple of years then get your Phd? Are you interesting in teaching because like brother Propaganda said, phd candidates usually end up teaching. Can you speak to an advisor for more advice?

[Ricky-Dee]

drop out and sell crack lol

in the words of notorious big

You either slang crack rock, or you got a wicked jump shot.

Seriously though, its not like if you decide to get married tomorrow you will find a partner straight away lol. So just keep plugging along and you will be fine

[Parto]

don't waste your talents and your tendencies, I think PhD is a worth enough, but remember that during this time, you should think of getting married, it is not so that you have to wait till 30. a smart girl can be a wife ,a mother and a scientist in the same time.

I did the same, I chose to continue education , however during studying I was thinking about good proposals. you go for it and then think about good guys who understand your talents and they don't expect you to ignore them.

[AR2011]

Quote

1. Feeling like I wasted my whole youth in college.
2. No one wanting to marry me because I'm "too smart."
3. Losing even more friends because right now I work full time and go to grad school. Most of my friends are in undergrad and living off their parents. I barely have time for anyone/anything anymore.

in answer to point number:
1. until a few weeks ago, i have been in full time education since i started school when i was 4. i have done 2 degrees in this time and had u asked me during the exam period what i thought of education i may have been less positive but i can quite easily say that it has been a fantastic however many years. i have learnt and challenged my mind, working is no mean feat and lots of people i have spoken to say they prefer uni over work (except that u amass debt whilst studying and earn when working obviously). dont think of education as wasting ur youth.
2. in ideal world, i would say forget what others think of you but i absolutely understand this point especially because you will want someone who is compatible with u and values education as much as u do (that doesnt mean u have to marry someone with a Phd too). also, for some reason lots of men seem t be threatened by women who have pursued higher degrees or who are highly intelligent. despite this, i would say that u shouldnt use this as a reason not to excel educationally.
3. as i said earlier, working full time is probably just (if not more so) straining on your time

the biggest factor in deciding whether to do a Phd is whether it will enhance ur employment prospects in the field you are in and what kind of jobs a Phd will open you to. education for education's sake is all well and good but it can be expensive (depending on what country u r in).

[Haji 2003]

I Believe, on 14 July 2012 - 10:12 PM, said:

Ok. I know the benefits of a PHD, but what could be some of the draw backs?

Drawbacks are when people start to think that their Ph.D. will make a significant contribution to human existence and they had better give it the amount of attention that deserves.

OTOH manage the research design correctly don't get too precious about the subject and process and it should not become a big deal.

I Believe, on 14 July 2012 - 10:12 PM, said:

No one wanting to marry me because I'm "too smart."

Just be humble. My wife says that she could never imagine I have a Ph.D.

[Belial]

Use your career choice as your guide.  If you want a job that requires a phd, then get the phd.  If you dont, then dont. If you want the options it provides then do it, if not then dont.

I dont know about you, but my college experience was more youthy than any non college goer.  So I dont know about wasting my youth, it all depends on how you go through it.

And theres no such thing as people not wanting to marry you because youre "too smart".

Friends are always lost in travels, but you make new ones (while also keeping the best of the old).

mohammad_mahdi, on 14 July 2012 - 10:17 PM, said:

Personally i think a PHD is much needed in the economic climate we're currently living in, regardless of where in the world you live. It is getting tougher and tougher to get a job, and every Tom, Richard and Harry has a bachelors of something these days, a PhD can be the only differentiating factor in a job interview.

And Allah (SWT) knows best

I  respect this opinion, however, depending on the field, a PhD may not be any particularly more valuable than a masters.

salman1, on 14 July 2012 - 11:26 PM, said:

As-salam-alaikum,

Sister take my advice and get married first and then pursue a PHD. There is a growing number of Muslim females in north america who are over 25 and single and are increasingly finding it harder to find a husband simply because they are perceived to be old or they are looking for someone of an equal educational rank. While I don't agree with these reasons for not marrying a person over 25 but why risk it? Are you willing to put your hopes of getting married on the line for a PHD which may or not provide you benefit or would you rather do the opposite?

Oh woah woah woah.  Thats not necessarily a good view either.  Relationships get trumped and stressed by such a thing.  Also, if you get married, you build a life up that could potentially stop you from going for the PhD at all. Which isnt necessarily a bad thing, it just means there could be a greater chance that she wouldnt get the degree that may or may not be necessary for a certain job or position.

AR2011, on 15 July 2012 - 04:34 AM, said:

the biggest factor in deciding whether to do a Phd is whether it will enhance ur employment prospects in the field you are in and what kind of jobs a Phd will open you to. education for education's sake is all well and good but it can be expensive (depending on what country u r in).

exactly

[I Believe]

Salaam

Thank you all for the replies. I would like to eventually become a program director and college professor and these positions usually require a PHD or ED.D. I like my current job and will probably continue working throughought the PH.D until it's time to focus on my dissertation.

As for marriage, honestly a guy who is scared of 3 letters after my name is not worth my time. I also live in a community where many sisters do hold higher degrees. I just tend to overthink ( a lot).

My family really is indifferent about the situation, as long as they don't have to pay anything, they don't care.

[ImAli]

Haji 2003, on 15 July 2012 - 05:11 AM, said:

Drawbacks are when people start to think that their Ph.D. will make a significant contribution to human existence and they had better give it the amount of attention that deserves.

This reminds me of one of my grade school science teachers. She used to have a seizure, scream, and send you out of the room if  you addressed her as Ms. instead of Doctor .

Edited by ImAli, 15 July 2012 - 11:24 AM.

[Quranist]

ImAli, on 15 July 2012 - 11:24 AM, said:

This reminds me of one of my grade school science teachers. She used to have a seizure, scream, and send you out of the room if  you addressed her as Ms. instead of Doctor .

she must be full of EGO

[ImAli]

yamolaAlimadad, on 15 July 2012 - 11:25 AM, said:

she must be full of EGO

More like was full of ego....she's dead by now.

[I Believe]

Lol! I've met a few of those. One of the principals I worked for would be really annoyed if we called him "Mr." instead of doctor. But, his degree was "honorary."

ImAli, on 15 July 2012 - 11:24 AM, said:

This reminds me of one of my grade school science teachers. She used to have a seizure, scream, and send you out of the room if  you addressed her as Ms. instead of Doctor .

[~Zee Zee~]

ImAli, on 15 July 2012 - 11:24 AM, said:

This reminds me of one of my grade school science teachers. She used to have a seizure, scream, and send you out of the room if  you addressed her as Ms. instead of Doctor .

hahahhaha i had a theater's professor in community college who also loved to be addressed by Dr.  His name was Irish and I used to mess up saying it and I would say DR. Flirty KEEFAK  LoLL .......

[ImAli]

OP I think you should go for it....why not. Maybe you will even meet your other half and become one of those power couples.

[LadyNadine]

Salam Sister I Believe,

I live in the same community you are in so I can understand where you are coming from. I know you on a personal level so I can understand your concerns. My advise to you is take a break from education for a bit. Work and inshallah if the right guy comes get married. However, if your break has some drawbacks where you do not end up married, my suggesting to you is go back for PHD.

Whatever you do, you will be great in it.

The Best of luck!

[ImAli]

I Believe, on 15 July 2012 - 11:35 AM, said:

Lol! I've met a few of those. One of the principals I worked for would be really annoyed if we called him "Mr." instead of doctor. But, his degree was "honorary."

ImAli, on 15 July 2012 - 11:46 AM, said:

hahahhaha i had a theater's professor in community college who also loved to be addressed by Dr.  His name was Irish and I used to mess up saying it and I would say DR. Flirty KEEFAK  LoLL .......

Mine was a 4th grade science teacher LOL. I think she had a Ph.D. in child development and a bachelors in science. LOL.....a Ph.D. in child development and we were all scared to death of her because she looked and acted like a witch.

[~Zee Zee~]

ImAli, on 15 July 2012 - 11:49 AM, said:

OP I think you should go for it....why not. Maybe you will even meet your other half and become one of those power couples.

  yes look at michelle  and barack obama...both of them finished law school and met there.....how eyes look like after earning a phd