47 replies to this topic

[UmmAhmad]

ImAli, on 15 July 2012 - 12:54 PM, said:

My girl is 4 and my boy is almost 2

I've never been away from the boy for more than a few hours and the only other person he has ever stayed with is my mother in law. As for my girl, I was away from her when I was in the hospital after having the baby....she stayed with my mother in law for 2 days (she too has only stayed with my mother in law). However we are alone now because my mother in law went home and my mother is in another state...so it's been a long time since they have been away from me. I go crazy when I don't see them. My daughter is naughty...she hid under a pile of blankets I needed to fold after I was finished in the kitchen!. I went crazy I couldn't find her...I was running round the house screaming for her and even went outside ROFL. My husband found her under the pile of blankets laughing.

Hahaha that is too funny! I really did laugh when I read it.

[Polymath]

ImAli, on 15 July 2012 - 11:44 AM, said:

If it's possible to open a password protected forum for these topics I think it would be a good idea. Strange and embarrassing things happen to your body during and right after pregnancy and also when breastfeeding. It would be nice to share experience, motherly advice, and mom tricks without certain people popping in. In case this idea never happens I am free and happy to answer any questions that people may have in private about pregnancy, labor, breastfeeding, etc. (I used to work as an R.N. in labor and delivery).

Those 'certain' people would be the male gender as a whole. You basically want to create an unwarranted apartheid for information and advice that could easily be found anywhere else on the Internet, on any MotherCare forum that anyone can access. Leave this aside, the whole idea is bonkers. Male and female are both equally entitled to know about each other, it's a God given right.

Otherwise, you might as well condemn male gynaecologists for an ostensibly unsuitable field.

ImAli, on 15 July 2012 - 11:44 AM, said:

I also think it would be a good idea to have a password protected forum for some of the brothers topics because I have stumbled upon some of those brothers topics in the "view new content" area and they are outright embarrassing....I have to cyber-run out beet red and full of shame ....most sisters just don't want to know about it.

No one forced you to click it. No one forced you to continue reading till you go crimson.

Edited by Polymath, 16 July 2012 - 02:38 AM.

[ImAli]

Polymath, on 16 July 2012 - 02:37 AM, said:

No one forced you to click it. No one forced you to continue reading till you go crimson.

IT was a figure of speech! Yeah I become embarrassed quite easily...even after the first few lines! BTW welcome back ahlulbayt!

[UmmAhmad]

Polymath, on 16 July 2012 - 02:37 AM, said:

Those 'certain' people would be the male gender as a whole. You basically want to create an unwarranted apartheid for information and advice that could easily be found anywhere else on the Internet, on any MotherCare forum that anyone can access. Leave this aside, the whole idea is bonkers. Male and female are both equally entitled to know about each other, it's a God given right.

Otherwise, you might as well condemn male gynaecologists for an ostensibly unsuitable field.



No one forced you to click it. No one forced you to continue reading till you go crimson.

It's not the same when it is a personal problem/changes for you.

What I have noticed is the only thing that holds back this idea from happening is men, I wonder why?

Edited by UmmAhmad, 16 July 2012 - 10:29 AM.

[Ruq]

This seems like an entirely cultural thing to me and i find it hard to relate to. The 'modesty' in Islam is to do with sexuality, its about self control and responsibility, not about shame about the body or perfectly natural functions. I think that kind of attitude can actually be quite damaging. What is Dr's took that attitude? I can understand if a person is shy and doesnt want everyone knowing there business (thats what private conversations are for) but i think this division of gender subjects is a bit ridiculous and childish. I dont have kids, but inshallah if i am blessed with any i will be very open with them about natural bodily functions, i intend to teach them to respect their bodies but not to feel ashamed of them or what they are designed to do. Theres nothing wrong with talking openly about these things either, its healthy, as taboo's create fetishes and perversions. As long as youre talking in a way not designed to arouse the sexuality in other people, there is no need for it to be a problem.

[ילדת מלך]

ImAli, on 16 July 2012 - 08:37 AM, said:

IT was a figure of speech! Yeah I become embarrassed quite easily...even after the first few lines! BTW welcome back ahlulbayt!

KimK ?

[UmmAhmad]

~Ruqaya, on 16 July 2012 - 11:17 AM, said:

This seems like an entirely cultural thing to me and i find it hard to relate to. The 'modesty' in Islam is to do with sexuality, its about self control and responsibility, not about shame about the body or perfectly natural functions. I think that kind of attitude can actually be quite damaging. What is Dr's took that attitude? I can understand if a person is shy and doesnt want everyone knowing there business (thats what private conversations are for) but i think this division of gender subjects is a bit ridiculous and childish. I dont have kids, but inshallah if i am blessed with any i will be very open with them about natural bodily functions, i intend to teach them to respect their bodies but not to feel ashamed of them or what they are designed to do. Theres nothing wrong with talking openly about these things either, its healthy, as taboo's create fetishes and perversions. As long as youre talking in a way not designed to arouse the sexuality in other people, there is no need for it to be a problem.

It is different with DR's because they are there to help you. And of course I would be open with my children, that is a different story, but open with non-mahram men, NO, if you want to that is fine, but me?? I don't think so.

How is it damaging to not speak to men about it? They have mothers, sisters or a wife to speak to if they have questions.

Edited by UmmAhmad, 16 July 2012 - 01:38 PM.

[Ruq]

^ Thats not what i said. My point is about a general attitude towards these subjects, and this attitude effects the way parents interact with their children and vice versa also. Of course its your personal choice, im not saying youre doing something wrong by not speaking about the medical implication of your pregnancy with random men you dont know. But there is nothing wrong in conveying that information in a public forum either.

This thread wa about pregnancy, yet you said you were ashamed of (or ashamed to talk about) some of the things that happened to your body regarding it (or used the word shame, insinuating to talk about it was shamelful), to me thats really sad. You can talk about medical implications of pregnancy without it being 'immodest' and it would be good for people (including men) to realise that its not like in the movies.To me its positive that women would be open about the problems theyve experienced from pregnancy, if more men realised how physically traumatic it can be (and also how it affects women mentally/emotionally sometimes also) they would have a much more realistic idea about what to expect.

[UmmAhmad]

~Ruqaya, on 16 July 2012 - 02:27 PM, said:

^ Thats not what i said. My point is about a general attitude towards these subjects, and this attitude effects the way parents interact with their children and vice versa also. Of course its your personal choice, im not saying youre doing something wrong by not speaking about the medical implication of your pregnancy with random men you dont know. But there is nothing wrong in conveying that information in a public forum either.

This thread wa about pregnancy, yet you said you were ashamed of (or ashamed to talk about) some of the things that happened to your body regarding it (or used the word shame, insinuating to talk about it was shamelful), to me thats really sad. You can talk about medical implications of pregnancy without it being 'immodest' and it would be good for people (including men) to realise that its not like in the movies.To me its positive that women would be open about the problems theyve experienced from pregnancy, if more men realised how physically traumatic it can be (and also how it affects women mentally/emotionally sometimes also) they would have a much more realistic idea about what to expect.

Correct me if I am wrong, but I never said I was ashamed about what happens to my body during pregnancy. I said, "Why wouldn't be embarassing unless you have no shame or modesty? " When you asked why I would want a protected forum from the men. So please get your facts straight. I don't think it is wrong to speak about natural things of life for women- hence, why I would like a protected forum, but in front of non-mahram men I do. If any one who needs to know that pregnancy isn't like the movies is women, men will find out soon enough when they are married and their wife is expecting.

Edited by UmmAhmad, 16 July 2012 - 03:08 PM.

[Ruq]

You said 'unpleasant moments of pregnancy' is what you would find 'embarrassing' to talk about, i asked why and you said because you have 'shame and modesty', as if unpleasant things about pregnancy are something to have shame about or to talk about would be 'immodest'.

So women poop them selves giving birth, get gas and leaking urine and loose vaginal muscles after child birth which will affect their relationships with their husbands, but to warn men to prepare themselves for these issues would be immodest, so lets not communicate them to our sons or brothers or in schools or talk openly about them in the community or in forums and everyone can be ignorant and shocked when they encounter these things and think theryre not normal or theyve done something wrong or something terrible has happened. Brilliant.

[UmmAhmad]

~Ruqaya, on 16 July 2012 - 04:35 PM, said:

You said 'unpleasant moments of pregnancy' is what you would find 'embarrassing' to talk about, i asked why and you said because you have 'shame and modesty', as if unpleasant things about pregnancy are something to have shame about or to talk about would be 'immodest'.

So women poop them selves giving birth, get gas and leaking urine and loose vaginal muscles after child birth which will affect their relationships with their husbands, but to warn men to prepare themselves for these issues would be immodest, so lets not communicate them to our sons or brothers or in schools or talk openly about them in the community or in forums and everyone can be ignorant and shocked when they encounter these things and think theryre not normal or theyve done something wrong or something terrible has happened. Brilliant.

* Embarrassing* to talk about around MEN. Surprising for you maybe, but none of the above things that you mentioned happened to me during labor. The only thing my husband was surprised of was how fast the little one came out- 2 hour labor- and that I was up and walking 10 minutes after delivery.

[Ruq]

^ Well, thats great for you (no really, mashAllah- i should be so lucky inshallah)  but ive heard of women unable have sex for months after giving birth because of the physical trauma, but ppl dont prepare men for this possibility and women can feel a huge pressure because of these expectations that they will give birth and then get on with things just like they were before.

[UmmAhmad]

~Ruqaya, on 16 July 2012 - 05:07 PM, said:

^ Well, thats great for you (no really, mashAllah- i should be so lucky inshallah)  but ive heard of women unable have sex for months after giving birth because of the physical trauma, but ppl dont prepare men for this possibility and women can feel a huge pressure because of these expectations that they will give birth and then get on with things just like they were before.

That is why you should take birthing classes together, and study it together online.

If a husband has "expectations" of a woman before she is ready, then there is a communication problem between the two of them. I told my husband every little pain and problem I had so he would understand what I was going through.

Sometimes though it is nice to talk to other women who have been through things before. For me, I had morning sickness terribly for the first 3 months. I lost a lot of weight, and who would of thought, one lady advised me to eat organic black licorice. There was iron from the molasses and other minerals, and the anise oil soothed the stomach. (This is the nice side of pregnancy by the way)

Who wants a man to read a post talking about, "Is it normal for my colostrum to be leaking this early?" or "How can I know if my mucus plug fell out?" I wouldn't want any man other then my husband to know those things.

Edited by UmmAhmad, 16 July 2012 - 05:23 PM.

[ילדת מלך]

^^^

I would not even want my husband to know these thing ( if God Forbid I decide to have any )---well I am a believer in a segregated society in every sense of the word---

Edited by ילדת מלך, 17 July 2012 - 11:43 AM.

[Ali_Hussain]

UmmAhmad, on 14 July 2012 - 11:19 AM, said:

If they had a pregnancy group/Mom group that was closed and only accessible for sisters. I know there are a lot of single sisters here, but I am sure that there are also pregnant/mom's here as well.

When I was pregnant I didn't have any one to talk to. My family is far from me and my husbands family is over seas. I didn't really care for the secular networks either. Now that I have a 6 month old, I wish I knew a sister that I could share his milestones with, or knew of a sister who has a baby the same age as mine. What do you sisters think?

There is a sister who used to post on this forum who has a 'muslim mommies' forum

This is the sister: http://www.shiachat....553-umm-fatima/

This is her forum: http://muslimmommies.forumotion.com/

It doesn't seem to have much life, but it is still up an running, maybe a few of you can get together and breath some life into it, insha Allah

[titumir]

ילדת מלך, on 17 July 2012 - 11:42 AM, said:

^^^

I would not even want my husband to know these thing ( if God Forbid I decide to have any )---well I am a believer in a segregated society in every sense of the word---

Aren't you married to a tribal warlord in Afghanistan?

[UmmAhmad]

Ali_Hussain, on 18 July 2012 - 05:45 AM, said:

There is a sister who used to post on this forum who has a 'muslim mommies' forum

This is the sister: http://www.shiachat....553-umm-fatima/

This is her forum: http://muslimmommies.forumotion.com/

It doesn't seem to have much life, but it is still up an running, maybe a few of you can get together and breath some life into it, insha Allah

Thanks! I didn't know about this.

[UmmAhmad]

Ali_Hussain, on 18 July 2012 - 05:45 AM, said:

There is a sister who used to post on this forum who has a 'muslim mommies' forum

This is the sister: http://www.shiachat....553-umm-fatima/

This is her forum: http://muslimmommies.forumotion.com/

It doesn't seem to have much life, but it is still up an running, maybe a few of you can get together and breath some life into it, insha Allah

Now that I looked at it and signed up for it, the reason why it is lifeless is you can't post on it!

[Ali_Hussain]

UmmAhmad, on 18 July 2012 - 12:48 PM, said:

Now that I looked at it and signed up for it, the reason why it is lifeless is you can't post on it!

ah, sorry, maybe you should pm the sister and see what she says, her account is still active.

[Ruq]

^ ???

[Maryammm]

Salam, lol at the tribal warlord stuff lol... what the heck is going on with that randomness! made me laugh!

ImAli's cute hiding children made me laugh a lot too loool! That is so adorable, just to imagine sister ImAli running around like a headless chicken, and then her calm husband picks up the blanket to find a laughing child lol, too funny!

As for ladies only forum to discuss women's issues of pregnancy, well if at least forum members were at least to fill in a section that displayed whether they were male or female, that would only be visible to the mods and that either automatically blocked them from the sisters forum or a pregnancy and women's health forum, or if the mods kept a better eye on males entering topics that thread posters have asked to be women only etc. I can see why men get curious and wish to find out about women's pregnancy and health issues on a relatively anonymous Islamic forum. In some respects I agree with Umm Ahmed on the modesty of keeping these issues between the ladies, but in another sense I can agree with Ruqqaya's amal that these topics shouldn't be taboo. There are examples of hadith that have made me embarrassed and blush... even I believe there were instances where the muslimat used to go to the prophet(sawas) or Imam of their time(as) with regards to various issues, otherwise how do we have such intricate rules and guidance with regards to women's issues? It seems to me, from the little research that I have done, that in the time of the Prophet(sawas) these issues weren't treated as taboo like how muslims treat them today. I am not sure that I would discuss my female issues with a non mahram, even a non mahram medical professional where possible. However, I will be very open and honest(age appropriate though) about issues surrounding sex(without getting specific about inappropriate things that are private between me and my husband), women's and men's personal health issues, reationship issues, and how this all relates to what Islam says about all this. I will even talk about this with other sisters, and possibly in appropriate Islamic environments discuss these general issues and the halal haram etc related to them with brothers in Islam. It is all a matter of personal comfort, and I guess it isn't as simple as saying that we should cater to everyones different modesty requirements, this is near impossible, everyone is different and views things differently. It would be really nice though to have a place of sisterhood, where brothers respected our rights to privacy, and where women could choose to post their private issues and discuss them in a safe and comfortable environment and get some sound and strong advice on it, especially Islamic advice. Marriage and parenthood, the heavenly path is a very good book on a lot of the Islamic rulings, though it doesn't really go into the detailed health issues etc. If we could have some kind of mums/mums to be forum that was only accesable to shiachat members, and where brothers agreed not to read it or participate, and then women who don't mind sharing with brothers and sisters could post their issues and experiences in the general sisters thread, or another mixed gender thread for parents and parents to be in the social, family and marriages forum? This would maybe help alot of the members to get what they want inshallah! I would love to participate in both threads inshallah.

Salams and duas inshallah

[Follower]

Sister, the idea in itself is good but unfortunately there are quite a lot of risks with password protected forums. How do you determine (100%) if someone is really female? Once such a forum exists males/females will be a lot more open in these protected forums, which is fine as long as the security is good but all it takes is one leak, one hack or one technical error and suddenly it all becomes public.

My suggestion would be to slowly develop a Skype network of sisters who know each other. This way you can see exactly who is in front of you (via webcam) and know that your conversations remain between yourselves. Apart from pregnancy/women issues, it would also be a nice platform to have discussions on in general.

[ילדת מלך]

Maryammm, on 17 August 2012 - 11:16 AM, said:

Salam, lol at the tribal warlord stuff lol... what the heck is going on with that randomness! made me laugh!

He asked me a question and I replied, nothing random; besides, sometimes people do remember the other post/comments of each other and sometimes link them, if they are curious.

It's a web-based community and internet communication do tend to have its own ebb and flow--do not take it to heart if people slightly digress to ask about each other.