36 replies to this topic

[Noah107]

Salaam brothers
I have a friend and we have been best buds while we still in nappies. For the purpose of this thread, I'll call him John. we go to the gym together, grew up together. we tell each other everything. He is my rock and always has my back. to say we are friends is not true;he's more like my brother.
I have a real nagging suspicion! you see he has a tendency to always be complimenting me. Always to want to be around me. Ever since i can remember John has tried to control me, doesnt want me to have other male friends or anyone close to me other than him!   Ever since Ive reverted to Islam JOhn was against it and tried to stop me. I drew away from him but now he's in mt life again telling me he wants to revert to Islam too!   I know he doesnt want to become a muslim; he just wants to try to keep an eye on me, control me and keep me near for whatever reason!  maybe sabotage my faith in Islam. But its more than that!  other people we mutually know have always told me JOhn is different , that he is too familiar with me, another friend  told me that John has asked him to keep away from me and another friend told me  that John has been telling him bad stuff about me. That I am a wicked man, I deal in drugs etc. This friend said that due to John being a little scary and weird , he has kept his distance from me! When we were in catholic boarding school together John had no friends other than me!  the other guys called him some nasty name (gay, homo, batty boy etc). There were rumours but untrue coz John did date girls. But now he's back in my life, he tries to get to close to me and I dont like it. How do I get rid of him without hurting his feelings or a backlash.  John can get very nasty when he doesnt get his own way.

[fahimah18]

I would say the best thing you can do is for now talk to him, so that you can find out what he is trying to say and why he is doing these actions. However if you feel too uncomfortable, the best thing you can do is, cut all contacts with him.

[Cause]

I would have taken your post seriously, until i saw that stupid picture you posted after it.

[Noah107]

fahimah18, on 11 July 2012 - 01:22 PM, said:

I would say the best thing you can do is for now talk to him, so that you can find out what he is trying to say and why he is doing these actions. However if you feel too uncomfortable, the best thing you can do is, cut all contacts with him.

I would love to cut contact with him Fahimah but it's much more complicated than that!   You see he's an orphan, raised by the state and has no family whatsoever!  I helped him get through his drug addiction and he helped me through some stuff too. Yes he can be a right stinker sometimes but we've been together through a lot. he has no one else and he's going through a rough patch. plus waht if he's serious about reverting to Islam. I wanna be there for him with that.  maybe he's serious about Islam!

Cause, on 11 July 2012 - 01:36 PM, said:

I would have taken your post seriously, until i saw that stupid picture you posted after it.

Salaam Cause
I like to make light of things! Hence the picture.  The pic represents me and John hanging out, chillaxing at the gym like we always do.
I'm not a doom and gloom merchant at all but deal with things through laughter
I hope this makes it possible to post and help a brother out of a sticky situation.




John took me to watch this movie  'Brokeback Mountain' way back when it had its cinema release!
I thought it was gonna be a real mans movie but soon realised that this was no mans movie but something else!

ofcourse I walked out during the tent scene.  I had never been so embarassed in my life!   I didnt speak to John for a few wks after that. He claimed it was a joke to wind me up . he does have a messed up humour no1 else gets I soppose.

[ßÑíã]

@Noah


Dear Humble Brother, we have been taught by the Ahlul Bayt to settle for bad so that worse does not happen, now apply this to your situation:

Bad = the result of cutting contact with him causes his feelings to be hurt on top of him being an orphan

Worse = staying close to him may result in you changing from a believer at a pace which may be rather difficult to notice until it's too late

Applying the bad/worse principle to many situations in life assists us in making the right decision when we feel lost.

Now you may already know this but cutting contact with blood relatives is haram right? Unless they are enemies of Allah Suphanahu - then it becomes compulsary to cut relations with them! Prophet Lut a.s said to his nation of homosexuals: "Verily you are a nation transgressing beyond bounds" < part of a well known verse in the Qur'an (if you want the ref ask me bro), so we can derive from this that john is a transgressor beyond bounds, which makes him an enemy of Allah Suphanahu - so i conclude by saying I think the righteous thing to do is to tell him your viewpoint of your friendship and cut all relations with him regardless what his reply is; fe sabeel illah bro!

Remember: Imam Hussein a.s sacrificed for Allah The All-Just what was dear to him until he had nothing left to sacrifice, as his follower i know you'll do the same. W/S

Edited by ßÑíã, 11 July 2012 - 02:20 PM.

[Gepetto_Zapata]

Man you should get your wife that you always mention on this. She'll know better on how to advise you on this issue...

You, since some weeks ago, have always made sure to over-mention your wife, unnecessarily, "my wife this, my wife that, etc", to probably give us the idea that you're clearly married, you over-shot it... It didn't work, no matter how pea-brained you find us to be, :-((((, FAYLE... And now your brokeback mountain adventure... Where are you going with all this suzie?

[Noah107]

كريم, on 11 July 2012 - 02:19 PM, said:

@Noah


Dear Humble Brother, we have been taught by the Ahlul Bayt to settle for bad so that worse does not happen, now apply this to your situation:

Bad = the result of cutting contact with him causes his feelings to be hurt on top of him being an orphan

Worse = staying close to him may result in you changing from a believer at a pace which may be rather difficult to notice until it's too late

so i conclude by saying I think the righteous thing to do is to tell him your viewpoint of your friendship and cut all relations with him regardless what his reply is; fe sabeel illah bro!

Thanks brother,  I think this is very good advice. My wife has said the same.
..but what if he truly wants to become a muslim but I turn him away and he is not saved!  then In Allah SWT eyes I am responsible for his waywardness and if he truly wants to become  a muslim then I want to partake in the reward for converting him. The Moulana sahib who converted me told me there was a great reward for converting people and thanked me for giving him the honour of granting him this reward. By converting JOhn,  I would like this reward too Inshallah I want Allah SWT to be pleased with me.
...and yes there is rumours about him because he is abit camp BUT not all camp men are transgressors like those in the times of Prophet Lut PBUH.
. ..I know camp , feminine asian men too that are not gay. They have kids, married , devout muslims. yes there have been rumours about John because he luks camp and feminine but thats not his fault. he is just that way.

Violently_Happy, on 11 July 2012 - 02:30 PM, said:

Man you should get your wife that you always mention on this. She'll know better on how to advise you on this issue...

You, since some weeks ago, have always made sure to over-mention your wife, unnecessarily, "my wife this, my wife that, etc", to probably give us the idea that you're clearly married, you over-shot it... It didn't work, no matter how pea-brained you find us to be, :-((((, FAYLE... And now your brokeback mountain adventure... Where are you going with all this suzie?

Listen violently confused, I have taken my wifes counsel on this and she tells me to get shot of John.  There is nothing wrong with giving ur wife regard. Im an english man and find this perfectly normal to discuss things with my wife. Now ff you're used to being around asian men who treat their wives like dirt and toys  and continuously want to do mutahs  behind their back then ur clearly are very confused about  normal marital relationships.

Violently_Happy, on 11 July 2012 - 02:30 PM, said:

Where are you going with all this suzie?

Wherever you want me to take it Ruby   

Edited by Noah107, 11 July 2012 - 02:35 PM.

[Marbles]

Troll detector on

[Ruq]

Write him a 'Dear John'.


From my perspective, thats very strange behaviour. People can get clingy in friendships, thats not so unusual, but the stuff he's saying behind your back and what sound like obsession with you is surely very odd. My advice would be to find yourself very 'busy' and cut off contact more and more, easing away untill you hardly have any and then leave it.

Edited by ~Ruqaya's Amal~, 11 July 2012 - 02:42 PM.

[Noah107]

Marbles, on 11 July 2012 - 02:40 PM, said:

Troll detector on

Marbles, I'm a very handsome man and because I live in the west I do find myself the target for such 'Johns'  who may be predators or want to turn straight men.  but Allah SWT protects me and therefore I fear no harm from such male predators.
..But here's food for though my dear marbles.... I bet u have males u know that are like John and u are not even onto it... this is not juts a western problem but worldwide. where ever there are men their are soddomites among them who transgress and then seek out to corrupt straight men too.
Be on your guard marbles

[Marbles]

Ruqaya,

Coincidence?

(Look at bottom right corner. It just popped up as I was reading your post. I don't know what it means in the bigger scheme of things?

[Noah107]

~Ruqaya, on 11 July 2012 - 02:42 PM, said:

Write him a 'Dear John'.


From my perspective, thats very strange behaviour. People can get clingy in friendships, thats not so unusual, but the stuff he's saying behind your back and what sound like obsession with you is surely very odd. My advice would be to find yourself very 'busy' and cut off contact more and more, easing away untill you hardly have any and then leave it.

My wife sez the same. That's good advice Ruqaya.  but if he wants to turn muslim he cant be all that bad can he!

Marbles, on 11 July 2012 - 02:50 PM, said:

Ruqaya,

Coincidence?

(Look at bottom right corner. It just popped up as I was reading your post. I don't know what it means in the bigger scheme of things?

well since it came up on ur screen and no1 elses it means that I was right Marbles- you have  a John in ur life too

Violently_Happy, on 11 July 2012 - 02:30 PM, said:

you over-shot it... It didn't work, no matter how pea-brained you find us to be, :-((((,

most of my knowledge about Islam comes from my wife originally and I learn about asian/muslim customs from her. so ofcourse I'm going to mention her alot and over shoot it; IF it wasn't for my dear wife I'd still be a catholic.  Everything i know about u muslims and Islam is from her.

Edited by Noah107, 11 July 2012 - 03:07 PM.

[Reshad]

ah... well let him know you dislike his attitude, but you may not want to completely cut him  until you know his exact intentions. Hey, mabey he's an overly clingy friend. But, your description of him did make him sound kind of creepy, but  if he's been your friend for so long.....

Edited by Reshad, 11 July 2012 - 03:12 PM.

[Gepetto_Zapata]

What do Asian men doing mut'aah behind their wives' backs got to do between you and johnny boy here?

Nice pic choice by the way, reminds you of you and johnny eh? Nick name for mr. Anonymous by the way, freudian slip much? The sig you have there, wisely picked out, thumbs up...

[Ruq]

Marbles, on 11 July 2012 - 02:50 PM, said:

Ruqaya,

Coincidence?

(Look at bottom right corner. It just popped up as I was reading your post. I don't know what it means in the bigger scheme of things?

Ha!  xD thats kind of freaky

[ßÑíã]

The fact that he

Noah107, on 11 July 2012 - 02:38 PM, said:

Thanks brother,  I think this is very good advice. My wife has said the same.
..but what if he truly wants to become a muslim but I turn him away and he is not saved!  then In Allah SWT eyes I am responsible for his waywardness and if he truly wants to become  a muslim then I want to partake in the reward for converting him. The Moulana sahib who converted me told me there was a great reward for converting people and thanked me for giving him the honour of granting him this reward. By converting JOhn,  I would like this reward too Inshallah I want Allah SWT to be pleased with me.
...and yes there is rumours about him because he is abit camp BUT not all camp men are transgressors like those in the times of Prophet Lut PBUH.
. ..I know camp , feminine asian men too that are not gay. They have kids, married , devout muslims. yes there have been rumours about John because he luks camp and feminine but thats not his fault. he is just that way.

No prob, its my duty to assist who I can.

Isn't it a bit suspiscious that he all of a sudden had an interest in reverting to Islam after he saw you drew away from him due to him being against your reversion? that doesn't sound like somebody who truly seeks guidance bro, we should be able to differentiate between the traits that these two different types of people have, and there is a clear line in between by the way it seems.

In terms of guys that for instance have a soft voice and are slightly on the feminine side; that isn't enough proof to assume they are gay, however on top of all this, guys like john who actually told you not to have any male friends other than him, bro he doesn't seem like the feminine non-gay type, he seems like the feminine and gay type. May Allah guide you to make the right decision

[Noah107]

Violently_Happy, on 11 July 2012 - 03:14 PM, said:

What do Asian men doing mut'aah behind their wives' backs got to do between you and johnny boy here?

Nice pic choice by the way, reminds you of you and johnny eh? Nick name for mr. Anonymous by the way, freudian slip much? The sig you have there, wisely picked out, thumbs up...

Violently_deluded, ah yes ! us handsome men do have this problem of attracting the wrong attention. It is my cross to bare.
and if you look anything like your picture (ugly meercat)  then im sure u have no idea what im talking about and would love any kind of attention male or female .
You do have some feminine qualities urself , like your chosen profile meercat picture; you are very catty  too- just like a woman. I bet your one of them camp feminine men too

[Ali_Hussain]

Bro, you have problems, first the wife who slaps you about, then your 'friend' who is impotent, now this.

Maybe its time for a fresh start in another country.

[Noah107]

Reshad, on 11 July 2012 - 03:12 PM, said:

ah... well let him know you dislike his attitude, but you may not want to completely cut him  until you know his exact intentions. Hey, mabey he's an overly clingy friend. But, your description of him did make him sound kind of creepy, but  if he's been your friend for so long.....

I've done this in the past. thats why we didnt talk for 1 year or so after I converted.  now he turns up telling me he wants to convert too!
I dont know!  it is my duty to help him convert because I am a revert too I can help him as can my muslim's wifes brothers , will show him the right path. and reverts need a muslim community/supporters around them when they revert to help with their deem otherwise reverts who dont have support may be ostracised from their own community and their new adopted community too- thats not right.

The crucial thing to find out is  whether he wants to genuinely revert to Islam !    for that I do need to be around him!   I will engage him to see whether his love for Islam is real; does he ask me questions about it, the do's /don'ts , and other questions. this will tell me alot.
However if he simply wants to be near me and asks me nothing about Islam or doesnt want to get the ball rolling RE his conversion then I will bid him Adios  Amigos and draw a line under our friendship.

Ali_Hussain, on 11 July 2012 - 06:06 PM, said:

Bro, you have problems, first the wife who slaps you about, then your 'friend' who is impotent, now this.

Maybe its time for a fresh start in another country.

That's my life   Ali Hussain. I am bombarded with peoples problems in my life because Im a good listener.
I guess its coz Im way to nice and accepting so everyone like to take advantage!   But I'm learning alot from muslim men on Shia chat though! - about how to be a REAL MAN
About how to treat my wife like a toy,  
My right to do as many Mutahs as I choose despite my wifes disaproval,
that I can hit my wife as it is my right and she deserves it,
that masterbation is wrong but sleeping with prostitutes via Mutah is ok,
that I will get 10, 000 female hoors in heaven

so slowly I am becomming one of the muslim men on here. which is a good thing

[Ricky-Dee]

LOL at he tried implying i had issues in the dream thread.

I give him about 10 or so days till he is banned. Unless he doesnt go online for 10 days just to spite me

[Noah107]

Ricky-Dee, on 11 July 2012 - 07:17 PM, said:

LOL at he tried implying i had issues in the dream thread.

I give him about 10 or so days till he is banned. Unless he doesnt go online for 10 days just to spite me

Ricky -Dee !    Ah yes you getting raped by a man and not liking it lmao
Yes that was indeed funny
... mainly because I implied that it was wishful thinking on your part. Sorry if I hurt your feelings bro... But u must admit any psychologist would have concluded the same lol
Alas, urs was a wet dream whereas mine is a REAL PROBLEM.  I know how women feel now. I have to protect my izzat at the best of times from women and now men too- my best mate at that .

[Ricky-Dee]

Noah107, on 11 July 2012 - 07:27 PM, said:

Ricky -Dee ! Ah yes you getting raped by a man and not liking it lmao
Yes that was indeed funny
... mainly because I implied that it was wishful thinking on your part. Sorry if I hurt your feelings bro... But u must admit any psychologist would have concluded the same lol
Alas, urs was a wet dream whereas mine is a REAL PROBLEM.  I know how women feel now. I have to protect my izzat at the best of times from women and now men too- my best mate at that .

You must be excited your getting a little attention in real life ! Its nice when that happens, even if it is for the wrong reasons. I would not know what psychologists would say, about being gay, because truth being said i have never had to speak to one about that, so what REALLY scares me is how you seem to know these things , yet try to laugh it off and point the finger at others.

Whatever makes you feel better at night brother

[Noah107]

Ricky-Dee, on 11 July 2012 - 07:41 PM, said:

You must be excited your getting a little attention in real life ! Its nice when that happens, even if it is for the wrong reasons.

Whatever makes you feel better at night brother

speaking to you at night makes me feel better my dear Ricky Dee. What make you feels better at night Ricky ole chappie?

[Ricky-Dee]

lol i told you , you wouldnt last 10 days !!!!

Sweet Dreams Bra

[Gepetto_Zapata]

You guys banned him already? But we were just starting to have fun :-(, I had so many nice things to say about the trinity of him, his wife and john... Heck even his interests say: "spending time with wife", I bet it's mostly while watching brokeback mountain...

Noah, you should have stayed a catholic for the time being... Sunnism just made things worst for you apparently... Regards to the wife and dear, dear john...

Quote

John can get very nasty when he doesnt get his own way.

I guess you should give in just as you used to before obviously... We wouldn't want johnny to get angry now would we... You sad ferry...