29 replies to this topic

[Abu Lulu]

I'd like to know why it isn't needed to ask you 1st wife for permission to marry a 2nd wife. Isn't this extremely offensive for the 1st wife?
And please don't come with the "but you can stipulate in the marriage-contract that you won't take a 2nd wife."
Because the thing is: it's allowed in the first place.

Discuss

Edited by Al-Muntadhar, 08 July 2012 - 08:46 AM.

[Parto]

I am waiting for alimohamad40 to come and make a comment to start a new fight .

apart from it, I think it is good that if people also think about moral sense.  they should look at this matter from view point of a woman, then tell their self that do they think it is fair? if it is, then I don't have anything to say.

Edited by Parto, 08 July 2012 - 09:13 AM.

[Ismahan007]

Wa'Salaam,

Its a share3a thing. the shre3a doesn't require a man to ask for his wife's permission, and I don't think its offensive but a real man wouldnt use the share3a to hurt his woman. I think he should ask for her opinion since his decision would affect the woman too. if a man asked his wife of her opinion on taking second wife, it shows that the man is mentally mature and respectable, most men would do their thing without consulting no one. so if I was the woman (God forbid) I'd respect his thoughts but I would ask for divorce, even if he didn't marry the woman. I will be disappointed by his thoughts so wouldn't even want to stay with him anymore. he's free with whatever he wanna do with his life after that. wouldn't bother. I know its halal and that but still, I wouldn't be prepared to share my husband with a woman that I don't even know. she could be any thing and have all the diseases that I don't know.

Edited by Ismahan007, 08 July 2012 - 09:29 AM.

[:Sami]

A man should not be asking his wife/wives anything that he desire within the realm of halal.
He is a man .
A man is the ultimate  and only decision maker .
He is king in the household.
HE is the authority in the family.
HE......sorry my wife's calling me ...gotta go .....
ok coming dear ,should  I  take out the rubbish dear?....

[Haydar Husayn]

Why is it offensive?

[anamb14]

I thought a man was required to ask his wife... That's new to me.

[Abu Lulu]

Ismahan007, on 08 July 2012 - 09:14 AM, said:

Wa'Salaam,

Its a share3a thing. the shre3a doesn't require a man to ask for his wife's permission, and I don't think its offensive but a real man wouldnt use the share3a to hurt his woman. I think he should ask for her opinion since his decision would affect the woman too. if a man asked his wife of her opinion on taking second wife, it shows that the man is mentally mature and respectable, most men would do their thing without consulting no one. so if I was the woman (God forbid) I'd respect his thoughts but I would ask for divorce, even if he didn't marry the woman. I will be disappointed by his thoughts so wouldn't even want to stay with him anymore. he's free with whatever he wanna do with his life after that. wouldn't bother. I know its halal and that but still, I wouldn't be prepared to share my husband with a woman that I don't even know. she could be any thing and have all the diseases that I don't know.

that part made me smile

but anyways yeah, why wouldn't you find it offensive? it's also allowed for me to do mut'ah without telling my wife. my wife would go mental, hence why it is offensive.
any logical explanation would do.

@ haydar, you have different thoughts? share

[Haydar Husayn]

anamb14, on 08 July 2012 - 09:48 AM, said:

I thought a man was required to ask his wife... That's new to me.

It's a common misconception.

[Abu Lulu]

shadow_of_light, on 08 July 2012 - 10:25 AM, said:

Why do some men only follow the Prophet (s) in polygamy not in other things (such as morality)?!

Follow the Prophet in every thing and become like him, then I think that your wife will fall in love with you so much that she will never complain if you have a second wife.

the ideal world... only in jannah

[:Sami]

in my younger days men and women were a little different .
usually the men were in charge and did as they pleased .
whether having many wives , going away etc.
Today the roles are reversing , and soon will be opposite.
and I see younger women in control of the household , (subtly or openly )
In charge of the finances , children , career , etc .
Not many men seems to have control like they did before , therefore it will be prudent for men to "ask".
if you are in this "modern " style of marriage .

[Kaniz e Zahra]

Salam,brother Islamically speaking you are not bound to ask,but Islam also teaches you to protect the peace of your marital life.Divorce is the worst halal thing.So when you know woman is not going to tolerate it then quit the idea.At least quitting one halal is better than break off your marriage.

Secondly,why women do so? because they know the other women, and their man as well.Mostly the second wife wants to occupy the status of first one,and she makes every possible nasty effort to do so.And man in effort to please the new one start complying with her agenda,its hard for men to do justice.They will incline to one or another thus will start neglecting the rights of one of them.This will only lead to chaos.

[Abu Lulu]

Kaniz e Zahra, on 08 July 2012 - 11:34 AM, said:

Salam,brother Islamically speaking you are not bound to ask,but Islam also teaches you to protect the peace of your marital life.Divorce is the worst halal thing.So when you know woman is not going to tolerate it then quit the idea.At least quitting one halal is better than break off your marriage.

Secondly,why women do so? because they know the other women, and their man as well.Mostly the second wife wants to occupy the status of first one,and she makes every possible nasty effort to do so.And man in effort to please the new one start complying with her agenda,its hard for men to do justice.They will incline to one or another thus will start neglecting the rights of one of them.This will only lead to chaos.

but why aren't we bound to ask? asking is a way of protecting the peace of your marital life.

[ImamAliLover]

i think this says it all:


There are some practical problems that need to be addressed because of the changing mindset of women.
Yes, you can go ahead and marry the second woman (assuming you meet the shari' conditions), but a lot of women would give you hell over it.
Not all though.  Each couple has their own unique situation.

And Allah(swt) knows best

Edited by ImamAliLover, 08 July 2012 - 12:55 PM.

[Kaniz e Zahra]

Al-Muntadhar, on 08 July 2012 - 12:39 PM, said:

but why aren't we bound to ask? asking is a way of protecting the peace of your marital life.

You are bound to make justice,so asking or no asking does n't effect.If you are unjust then what if your wife allows you its still worse for your hereafter,and if she does n't then doing it would ruin your this world,so there is a loss in both cases.

[ImAli]

[Abu Lulu]

^ you deserve your title..

ImamAliLover, on 08 July 2012 - 12:53 PM, said:

i think this says it all:

There are some practical problems that need to be addressed because of the changing mindset of women.
Yes, you can go ahead and marry the second woman (assuming you meet the shari' conditions), but a lot of women would give you hell over it.
Not all though.  Each couple has their own unique situation.

And Allah(swt) knows best

okay, kind of said it all, but not all. we shia also have the mut'ah-thingy. it's also not needed to ask permission to do mut'ah. this means i can do mut'ah behind the back of my wife. i know that this isn't the best way to behave as a man, but there isn't a law that prohibits this. so even if i would do this, i could not be blamed.

how is that to be explained..

Kaniz e Zahra, on 08 July 2012 - 12:54 PM, said:

You are bound to make justice,so asking or no asking does n't effect.If you are unjust then what if your wife allows you its still worse for your hereafter,and if she does n't then doing it would ruin your this world,so there is a loss in both cases.

dear kaniz, didn't understand a thing.
could you try again?

Edited by Al-Muntadhar, 08 July 2012 - 02:02 PM.

[ImAli]

Al-Muntadhar, on 08 July 2012 - 02:00 PM, said:

^ @ imAli you deserve your title... pest

[Ismahan007]

anamb14, on 08 July 2012 - 09:48 AM, said:

I thought a man was required to ask his wife... That's new to me.

If that was the case, no man would ever dream of having another woman/women if they're already married to one lol ... he'll stay at home sharing all the chores.

Al-Muntadhar, on 08 July 2012 - 10:01 AM, said:

that part made me smile

but anyways yeah, why wouldn't you find it offensive? it's also allowed for me to do mut'ah without telling my wife. my wife would go mental, hence why it is offensive.
any logical explanation would do.

I wouldn't say its 'offensive' from share3a point of view (it may have its reasons) but I think it'll be a sense of betrayal from the husband's side if he wanted another 'woman'. If am committed to him, he should do same regardless of what the share3a tells him, its aint wajeb to have more wives so why do it.

Edited by Ismahan007, 08 July 2012 - 02:16 PM.

[Kaniz e Zahra]

I wanted to say more important thing is justice with your wives, not permission,if you won't be able to maintain it(which usually happens),you will be held accountable on day of judgement even if you had your wife's permission.

On the other hand if she does n't allow,then she will throw you out in this world, if you still do so.

Result;in both of the cases(permission or no permission) there is a loss,now got it?

[aliasghark]

Parto, on 08 July 2012 - 09:13 AM, said:

I am waiting for alimohamad40 to come and make a comment to start a new fight .

Oh come on, you have to be kidding me... I really hope the anti-alimohamad40 camp won't gang up on him again till he retaliates.

In fact, if you've been following his messages for some time you'll know that he's among the ones who has his wife in confidence, not behind her back.

[Kaniz e Zahra]

By the way you are not a one who was asking to marry a girl with past,now within a days you married her and get bored already?
or she is the one you are considering as second prospect?

[ImAli]

aliasghark, on 08 July 2012 - 02:17 PM, said:

Oh come on, you have to be kidding me... I really hope the anti-alimohamad40 camp won't gang up on him again till he retaliates.

In fact, if you've been following his messages for some time you'll know that he's among the ones who has his wife in confidence, not behind her back.

Actually he will show up here. Make a long post with insults hidden inside and directed at certain members on here....and indirectly call people ugly names. Then he will ask 3 or 4 questions at the end of his post and if anyone dares to answer it or have a slightly different view than him he will begin insulting and attacking that person.

That is his style!

Edited by ImAli, 08 July 2012 - 02:22 PM.

[Abu Lulu]

Kaniz e Zahra, on 08 July 2012 - 02:20 PM, said:

By the way you are not a one who was asking to marry a girl with past,now within a days you married her and get bored already?
or she is the one you are considering as second prospect?

is this question directed at me?

[ImAli]

We proposed to LebanesePrincess (ImAli's Shadow) but she didn't accept

Edited by ImAli, 08 July 2012 - 02:25 PM.

[Abu Lulu]

Ismahan007, on 08 July 2012 - 02:13 PM, said:

If that was the case, no man would ever dream of having another woman/women if they're already married to one lol ... he'll stay at home sharing all the chores.

I wouldn't say its 'offensive' from share3a point of view (it may have its reasons) but I think it'll be a sense of betrayal from the husband's side if he wanted another 'woman'. If am committed to him, he should do same regardless of what the share3a tells him, its aint wajeb to have more wives so why do it.

okay, and how about the mut'ah situation. see my 18th post.