25 replies to this topic

[hamza1892]

Hello, I am a shia and the last few  I have been talking to a sunni girl for marriage. When i figure that I wanted to talk to her for marriage I approached her and asked her if it was ok to get to know you better. She agreed and the feeling was mutual. So I talked to my parents about it and they said, "I dont agree and I dont want to meet her family either." basically they told me to find a new girl.  Now im bummed out that my parents arent happy for me. I dont know what to do?? Do I break up with this girl for my parents and find a new girl? This isnt fair!! Need advice!!

please and thank you!

[Al-Mufeed]

I suggest you go and find a Shia Woman.

You are just infatuated - humans being develop feelings for any one of the apposite gender - if they spend enough time with them. Had you spent enough time with a kafir woman you would of started to have feelings for her as well.

You have to think logically - do you want Sunni grand parents for your children/sunni mother/sunni aunts uncles - who will be teaching your children to love umar?

[Aliaabbas]

The whole forbidden love thing sounds romantic, but honestly once the initial excitement goes away then you will be stuck with a woman and her family who does not understand our ways. For example do you think she will feel about Ashura the same way as you do?

Or how about politics, she might take the side of countries that make your blood boil. I know you don't want to hear this but find yourself a lovely Shia girl. One who will bring your kids up to love Ahulbayt

[Ali_Ibn_Hussein]

I was in a similar situation, but just think - you need to raise little Shia's of your own to carry the burden of LA ILAHA IL Allah! Kind of hard when the mother is Sunni. Not to say it's not do-able, but the challenges surrounding it are unnecessary

[diracdeltafunc]

Can you really image the kids saying Umar, followed by radhi Allah ....?

[hamza1892]

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I suggest you go and find a Shia Woman.

You are just infatuated - humans being develop feelings for any one of the apposite gender - if they spend enough time with them. Had you spent enough time with a kafir woman you would of started to have feelings for her as well.

You have to think logically - do you want Sunni grand parents for your children/sunni mother/sunni aunts uncles - who will be teaching your children to love umar?

Alsalamu alaykum, yeah that make sense, but sunni girl and I talked about that already. She is willing to learn about the shia sect of the religion and adopt to the shia school of thought. She agreed to raise the children shia. Shes not that religious. All she does is pray. She doesnt know much about the sunni or shia.

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The whole forbidden love thing sounds romantic, but honestly once the initial excitement goes away then you will be stuck with a woman and her family who does not understand our ways. For example do you think she will feel about Ashura the same way as you do?

Or how about politics, she might take the side of countries that make your blood boil. I know you don't want to hear this but find yourself a lovely Shia girl. One who will bring your kids up to love Ahulbayt

lol, yeah i know, I been getting that a lot every person I told. But its gonna be hard to let her go because of the religion. I feel like there should be a better reason. Because we are both muslim.  She told me, she goes to the lectures during ashura. But she probably doesnt feel the same way as i do though. Yeah I know ahulbayt are very important to me.

[Goku]

It's tough being with a Sunni if your a Shia. what will the children grow up to be? shia or sunni?

[SatanicToast]

It is indeed a tough path to tread having a Sunni Mother and Shia Father, I should know since I was raised in such a situation as well. Alhumdulillah my mother was caring towards the Shia and a lover of Moula Ali , thus I was able to grow in Shia faith and doctrine.

It's all about whether you think marrying her is better in the long run, if you're sure she'll be caring toward Shi'as and revert then by all means I say go for it. Otherwise I'd say better not to deal with the heart break separation/potential divorce/& Kids being involved in the future.

All the best Brother!

[ShiaGirll]

Was I wrong to think love is blind to creed? I don't think there would be a problem if the couple agreed there children would grow up Shia. Personally, I rather let my own children find their faith instead of indoctrinating them with it. That's how I found Shia Islam.

[Walkin' Fashion Statement]

Why would you go for Sunni anyways? The world is full of beautiful and religious Shia girls. Plus, please think about the consequences. Your children will be Shia yes, but what about the wife's parents? They might give you a hard time and try to make your child a Sunni. I know this because my cousin married a Sunni and now his wife's parents keep making fun of his belief. They took away his son. The parents took their daughter out of his house. They FORCED her actually. Even though now there back together, the parents-in-law keep bumping their butts in. I mean even  if the girl is open minded etc. You have to take into consideration about the parents...

[hamza1892]

Salams everyone, thanks everyone for your advice.. If anyone is wondering I ended up telling her I can't talk to you anymore.. I love my parents and religion toooooo much for them to be upset.

[coldcow]

My opinion is that there are more important things to worry about that if she is Sunni or Shia.  I met a group of Shia a few weeks ago celebrating Imam Ali's birthday from virtually noon till about 9pm - missing Dohur and Asr in the process.  Sometimes Shias get so caught up in the aspects of Shiaism that aren't even part of the foundation of Islam, that we forget/ignore the most important parts.

If someone wants to teach their kids to have respect for 3 of the Prophet's close companions, 3 people that were some of the earliest acceptors of Islam, that gave their personal wealth to help spread Islam when Islam wasn't even popular, when it appeared as though they could be killed at any time, what's wrong with that?

In conclusion, calling yourself Shia doesn't make you a good muslim.  Being Sunni doesn't either.  It is your actions that determine that.  A pious sunni wife is better than a not so pious shia wife.

Edited by coldcow, 10 July 2012 - 08:29 AM.

[Quranist]

Al-Mufeed, on 14 June 2012 - 06:25 PM, said:

I suggest you go and find a Shia Woman.

You are just infatuated - humans being develop feelings for any one of the apposite gender - if they spend enough time with them. Had you spent enough time with a kafir woman you would of started to have feelings for her as well.

You have to think logically - do you want Sunni grand parents for your children/sunni mother/sunni aunts uncles - who will be teaching your children to love umar?

legendary advice....

[89jghur32]

I second Al-Mufeed's advice, but I'll add a qualifier from myself. If you think she's willing to accept our school of thought, then I don't think you should let go if she is truly religious. Then there's possibility of her bringing that religiosity with her if she becomes Shii. Though, bear in mind that bringing the topic of her adopting our school now would be a detriment to your marriage prospects with the girl.  

Whatever you do, be careful.

[Kirmani]

Take it from someone who married a Sunni girl (and is now AlhumduLilah a Shia )

1) Now if your intention is to definitley have her come to Shia Islam one day:

in my case she was a very nice, faithful, religious, 5 times praying muslim girl who had not a shred of arrogance or pride in her. When she was presented with the truth, without any ego issues she accepted the truth about Shia Islam AlhumduLilah.

But even then (and I'm not trying to show off here, just giving you honest advice), it required a lot of knowledge, hard work and above all PATIENCE from my part. When teaching someone you first have to acquire all the knowledge and evidence for your stand and then have to completley let go of your ego and endure constant questions like "Why do you do this?" "What is the evidence for that etc etc." and it is most important to control your temper and emotions.

If you can do this great, if you dont have the patience for such an endeavour (as is with MOST people) then I sincerely recommend that you concentrate on finding a shia girl

2) If your intention is that you will be fine with her being sunni for the rest of her life:

Then you seriously need to ask yourself the following questions

    1) Will you be happy at possibly attending major events at the Imam Bargh like Eid e Ghadir, Ashura, etc alone

    2) What religion will your children be? If your intention is to let them choose their own path and they choose Sunnism are you    comfortable with them saying (as someone pointed above) radhiullahu in front of certain character's names

   3) Are you comfortable of being in her family's home time to time and hearing them praise those same characters and sometimes talking negatively about shias and shia countries?



Good luck on your task, I hope that the best outcome will befall you

[coldcow]

Kirmani, on 12 July 2012 - 01:22 PM, said:

in my case she was a very nice, faithful, religious, 5 times praying muslim girl who had not a shred of arrogance or pride in her. When she was presented with the truth, without any ego issues she accepted the truth about Shia Islam AlhumduLilah

Honestly curious here.  Did she go from praying 5 times a day to praying 5 salaats 3 times a day?

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   3) Are you comfortable of being in her family's home time to time and hearing them praise those same characters and sometimes talking negatively about shias and shia countries?

You mean the same characters that gave up their personal wealth to help the Prophet in the early days of Islam?  And also lead military conquests that strengthened the early Islamic nation?  Not to mention they were some of the closest people to the Prophet while he was alive.

[Noura_Shi'a]

Even if she is willing to learn about shia islam and if she ever converts, it may be just for u. Not for the love of Ahlulbayt
Difficult situation brother, i think its up to u cuz u know her much better than any of us here.

[Kirmani]

coldcow, on 12 July 2012 - 03:11 PM, said:

Honestly curious here.  Did she go from praying 5 times a day to praying 5 salaats 3 times a day?

No, she prays both 5 times a day and combines her Zuhr/Asr and Maghrib/Isha prayers whenever she wants, just like the Prophet   as per your own hadiths:

Muslim Bin Hajjaj in his Sahih, in the Chapter "Jam'a Baina's-salatain fi'l-Hazar," says that Ibn Abbas said: "The Prophet used to say Zuhr and Asr as well as Maghrib and Isha prayers jointly without being constrained to do so, or when he was at home."

In Musnad of Imam Hanbal, Part 1, Page 221, Ibn Abbas narrated: "We said eight rak'ats of Zuhr and Asr and later seven rak'ats of Maghrib and Isha prayers jointly with the holy Prophet."  

coldcow, on 12 July 2012 - 03:11 PM, said:

You mean the same characters that gave up their personal wealth to help the Prophet in the early days of Islam?  And also lead military conquests that strengthened the early Islamic nation?  Not to mention they were some of the closest people to the Prophet while he was alive.

Closest people according to whom? One would assume a man's family who he lives with everyday is more closer to him than his companions. I can show you tons of hadith from Bukhari and Muslim where the Prophet   mentions again and againt "Whoever loves Ali, loves me", and "Whoever loves Hasan and Hussain, loves me" and especially "Whoever loves Faatima, loves me, AND WHO ANGERS HER ANGERS ME"

http://sahihalbukhar...3460&txt=Fatima

and then you have the hadith which states Faatima dies ANGRY with Abu Bakr

http://sahihalbukhar...=2883&txt=fadak


And then the funny thing is I dont see anywhere where the Prophet   mentions the first three usurpers BY NAME and IN PRAISE of them.


And as for helping with the early days of Islam? Well they may have or may not, it's what their Aakhira entails is what defines them. During the time of Prophet Musa   there were two brothers, one very rich and one very poor. The rich brother did not believe in God, and lived an entire life of pleasure and spendthrift. The other brother remained patient and kept up his prayers and good deeds throughout his life. One time the poor brother lost his faith and patience and went to go see his brother to tell him that he now shares his disbelief in God. The rich brother coincidentally at the same time marvelled at the fact that despite his brother being poor was still a staunch believer in God and then came to realizr that definitley there must be a God and then he went to go see his poor brother to tell him that now he shares his belief. When they both finally came into the same room, just before they could speak to each other it was fate that both their lives ended at that point. As the angel of Death came, the rich brother was considered to have died a believer and the poor brother was considered to have died an unbeliever.

So similarly, lets say for the sake of argument that some of the "close companions" of the Prophet did some wonderful things in the early days. What about the later days when according to your own hadith people like Umar ran away from battle in Uhud and even bigger yet, how it is clear from Bukhari (something considered 100% authentic in your circles) that Faatima died ANGRY with Abu Bakr, i.e Abu Bakr died without having a chance to ask her for her forgiveness and therefore that anger still stands, and THEREFORE according to bukhari again, he incurred the Prophet 's anger and died while still having that anger incurred on him

Edited by Kirmani, 12 July 2012 - 07:42 PM.

[coldcow]

What do you mean by "as per your own hadiths"?  You think I'm Sunni?


[Edit]
Forgot to say that I'm not.

Also, I'd like to add that Imam Ali could have taken back the caliphate by force if he had chosen to do so.  But for whatever reason, he didn't.  My opinion, and that of others, is that he knew it would cause deep divisions and weaken Islam.  Yet today, many of us choose to not follow in his example, and choose to emphasize the divisions among Muslims.
[/Edit]

Edited by coldcow, 12 July 2012 - 08:22 PM.

[hamza1892]

Thank you everyone for you advice. It really helped me a lot in getting over her. Inshallah I know Allah swt has someone for me.

[amira_786]

coldcow, on 10 July 2012 - 08:27 AM, said:

My opinion is that there are more important things to worry about that if she is Sunni or Shia.  I met a group of Shia a few weeks ago celebrating Imam Ali's birthday from virtually noon till about 9pm - missing Dohur and Asr in the process.  Sometimes Shias get so caught up in the aspects of Shiaism that aren't even part of the foundation of Islam, that we forget/ignore the most important parts.

If someone wants to teach their kids to have respect for 3 of the Prophet's close companions, 3 people that were some of the earliest acceptors of Islam, that gave their personal wealth to help spread Islam when Islam wasn't even popular, when it appeared as though they could be killed at any time, what's wrong with that?

In conclusion, calling yourself Shia doesn't make you a good muslim.  Being Sunni doesn't either.  It is your actions that determine that.  A pious sunni wife is better than a not so pious shia wife.

I absoloutely agree. Don't let a name 'Sunni' or 'Shia' determine ur beliefs.

[Follower]

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You mean the same characters that gave up their personal wealth to help the Prophet in the early days of Islam?  And also lead military conquests that strengthened the early Islamic nation?  Not to mention they were some of the closest people to the Prophet while he was alive.

You might need to look into islamic history a little closer. People need to realize that the hostility of the Shia towards the likes of Ibn al Khattab, Ibn al Affan, Ibn Abi Quhafah, Ibn Walid, Ibn Ziad, Ibn Abu Sufyan and others is not merely a case of wanting to irritate people who revere them, and wanting to be different. There are very serious and real reasons for it.

Oppression against anyone is taking seriously in Islam, let alone the Prophet and his holy family . Condemning the oppressors and disassociating from them is an integral part of Islam, regardless of whether people like it or not.

[ShiaBen]

Religious perspective is one thing but I think knowing what country they come from might also influence the decision.

Sunnis country to country may vary in their intensity.

[lalala123]

I am so sick to the back teeth of shia men coming on shiachat and declaring their undying love for some sunni girl.  

Why don't you all just go and become Umar lovers yourselves and be done with it?