112 replies to this topic

[Thurston]

It is rude not to respond.

[Ismahan007]

OneNoteSong, on 06 June 2012 - 12:19 PM, said:

At least have the decency to tell her straight up that you are not interested, instead of just not responding to her e-mail.

I'm revising for my exam 2morrow, but had to sign in when I saw your post. Girl, if a guy is not interested in you I don't think he needs to tell you and spell it out for you that HE IS NOT INTERESTED. he already made it clear for you by ignoring your email, so why would you wanna hear it i don't get it. forget about him and move on. don't robe your dignity sister!

Thurston, on 06 June 2012 - 05:20 PM, said:

It is rude not to respond.

he is not a gentle man, so should be ignored too.

[Marbles]

Endless Emotion, on 06 June 2012 - 01:41 PM, said:

Personally, I totally agree with you!
I did the same to a guy that recently proposed to me but my father refused him because of the different nationality...  I couldn't tell him this lame reason ''straight'' and decided to not respond to his e-mails, calls, sms, or whatever....  and it worked! I know it sounds rude but that's the best way to get rid of a guy when u're such a coward!

That...

Endless Emotion, on 06 June 2012 - 02:07 PM, said:

Don't worry, guys tend to forget those negative stuff easily! lets hope so!

That...and presumptuous too.


If you didn't fancy the guy, which is clear that you didn't, then you should at least have the decency and civility to say a clear, crystal NO.

Edited by Marbles, 06 June 2012 - 05:33 PM.

[Endless Emotion]

Marbles, on 06 June 2012 - 05:31 PM, said:

If you didn't fancy the guy, which is clear that you didn't, then you should at least have the decency and civility to say a clear, crystal NO.

Who TOLD u I didn't fancy him? he's such a nice and caring man every girl dreams to marry.
If just my dad didn't refuse... well, I confess maybe it wasn't the best way to end it,but I freaked out, OK!
I haven't had the courage to tell him, it's the first time something like this happens to me and for god's sake I don't know how to behave...

Wallahi, tellahi, wa billahi I promise to never ever befriend a man! and fulfill my father's wishes to meet someone through an arranged marriage...
Yupp, according to dad, that's how it should be.. Inshallah khayr!

[Haydar Husayn]

Endless Emotion, on 06 June 2012 - 01:41 PM, said:

Personally, I totally agree with you!
I did the same to a guy that recently proposed to me but my father refused him because of the different nationality...  I couldn't tell him this lame reason ''straight'' and decided to not respond to his e-mails, calls, sms, or whatever....  and it worked! I know it sounds rude but that's the best way to get rid of a guy when u're such a coward!

I swear, Muslim cultures are messed up.

Endless Emotion, on 06 June 2012 - 02:07 PM, said:

What should I have done then? he knew from the start my father's highly disagreement to his nationality, I didn't ask him to propose!
Don't worry, guys tend to forget those negative stuff easily! lets hope so!

I don't think guys are that much different from girls.

Endless Emotion, on 06 June 2012 - 02:34 PM, said:

U know, some guys are to naive and they won't give up easily, he's one of those kind!
He wouldn't find my father's disapproval as a good reason, and will peruse me to stand against dad..
I'm not willing to lose my family over a guy! so, the best solution is to keep silent and move on...
I hope you do the same, bcoz I think that a girl/boy who doesn't answer ones call/mail/sms is definitely not interested in a marriage or relationship...

He would be right to not find your father's disapproval a good reason. Because it's just about the worst possible reason.

Endless Emotion, on 06 June 2012 - 06:46 PM, said:

Who TOLD u I didn't fancy him? he's such a nice and caring man every girl dreams to marry.
If just my dad didn't refuse... well, I confess maybe it wasn't the best way to end it,but I freaked out, OK!
I haven't had the courage to tell him, it's the first time something like this happens to me and for god's sake I don't know how to behave...

Wallahi, tellahi, wa billahi I promise to never ever befriend a man! and fulfill my father's wishes to meet someone through an arranged marriage...
Yupp, according to dad, that's how it should be.. Inshallah khayr!

You might want to think about this hadith in future, before making your decision:

Abī Ja`far (al-Jawād) said: ‘Verily the Messenger of Allāh (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم) said: “If someone comes to you and you are satisfied with his manners and religion, marry him. Verily, if you do not do that, there will be fitnah (sedition) on the earth and great fasād (corruption)”’
Source:
1. Al-Tūsī, Tahdhīb al-Aḥkām, 10 vols.,(Tehran: Dār al-Kutub al-Islāmiyyah, 4^th Edition, 1407 AH), vol. 7, pg. 395, hadeeth # 4
Grading:
1. Al-Majlisī said this hadeeth is Muwaththaq (Reliable)
à Milādh al-Akhyār (Qum: Maktabah Ayatollah al-Mar`ashī al-Najafī, 1406 AH), vol. 12, pg. 311

http://www.revivinga...-religious.html

Edited by Haydar Husayn, 06 June 2012 - 07:30 PM.

[Endless Emotion]

Inaya, on 06 June 2012 - 06:57 PM, said:

It's not easy these days to find such a guy, so to refuse someone based on his nationality is such a shame!

Min kära vän, livet är inte alltid enkelt, when u have a racist to a father! He knows I prefer guys from other nationality, that's why he WANT'S NO Swede convert or European Muslim, No Iranian, NO Turkish, No Afghan, No Paki, No Indian, No American, No Australian, No Somali, No African.... he want's 100% ARAB with fully understanding Arabic Language and an Arabic speaking family to communicate with... as if he's the one getting married and not me...
My dad has threatened several times, that he'll not acknowledge me if I rebel and marry a man without his approval ''Yetbara' minni'' - la urid hada abedan! I'll be a good girl and listen to him ^__^

Haydar Husayn, on 06 June 2012 - 07:21 PM, said:

I swear, Muslim cultures are messed up.

Absolutely! U're not the only one thinking like that!

Edited by Endless Emotion, 06 June 2012 - 07:46 PM.

[baradar_jackson]

Marriage drama. Lotta memories here.

This thread = looking into an old photo album

[Haydar Husayn]

Endless Emotion, on 06 June 2012 - 07:45 PM, said:

My dad has threatened several times, that he'll not acknowledge me if I rebel and marry a man without his approval ''Yetbara' minni'' - la urid hada abedan! I'll be a good girl and listen to him ^__^

Whoever does that is risking the curse of Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì. Cutting off blood relations is a major sin.

But if you held command, you were sure to make mischief in the land and cut off the ties of kinship! Those it is whom Allah has cursed so He has made them deaf and blinded their eyes. [Qur'an 47:22-23, Shakir]

[kadhim]

Endless Emotion, on 06 June 2012 - 01:41 PM, said:

Personally, I totally agree with you!
I did the same to a guy that recently proposed to me but my father refused him because of the different nationality...  I couldn't tell him this lame reason ''straight'' and decided to not respond to his e-mails, calls, sms, or whatever....  and it worked! I know it sounds rude but that's the best way to get rid of a guy when u're such a coward!

Ach, captain! We're experiencing heavy stupidon radiation! We cannae hold it much longer cap'n!

[Endless Emotion]

kadhim, on 06 June 2012 - 08:38 PM, said:

Ach, captain! We're experiencing heavy stupidon radiation! We cannae hold it much longer cap'n!

My professor in psychology always says::: As a GP don't debate with patients with NO insight! there's no USE! refer them immediately to us!
u seem like one of them! .... Gotcha! u're being referred to the nearest psychiatric!
chief complaint = u have NO insight in what u're saying!

Edited by Endless Emotion, 06 June 2012 - 09:00 PM.

[kadhim]

Endless Emotion, on 06 June 2012 - 08:59 PM, said:

My professor in psychology always says::: As a GP don't debate with patients with NO insight! there's no USE! refer them immediately to us!
u seem like one of them! .... Gotcha! u're being referred to the nearest psychiatric!
chief complaint = u have NO insight in what u're saying!

No, trust me. I'm well versed in female stupidity.

[Endless Emotion]

kadhim, on 06 June 2012 - 09:07 PM, said:

No, trust me. I'm well versed in female stupidity.

OMG ur even showing signs of delusions of grandeur, well don't feel lost!
this condition has a treatment for sure! some years in the psych. will clear ur mind.
I'll pray for your health, Inshallah!! hope u'll not need an electric shock!!!

ME OUT!

Edited by Endless Emotion, 06 June 2012 - 09:46 PM.

[kadhim]

Endless Emotion, on 06 June 2012 - 09:46 PM, said:

OMG ur even showing signs of delusions of grandeur, well don't feel lost!
this condition has a treatment for sure! some years in the psych. will clear ur mind.
I'll pray for your health, Inshallah!! hope u'll not need an electric shock!!!

ME OUT!

Well, princess, you're the one bragging about choosing childish avoidance tactics in lieu of uncomfortable, but more mature communication.

[Iman]

Salams OneNote

It's difficult when you don't have any answers, and sometimes you just need to accept that you wont get any and move on.

It is cowardly/immature for someone to avoid/ignore you, but probably testimony to the fact that they aren't ready for marriage anyway. If they cannot have a 'difficult' conversation now, they're probably not going to be able to when they get married.. you want a man with strength of character.. this is not the man you want.

To those who admit they are 'cowardly' by ignoring emails/sms etc etc.. You have to ask yourself if you are ready for marriage too. Being a conflict avoider can cause problems in marriage.. things can build and build if you cant just 'call it' the way you see it (with tact and politeness of course). It is a sign of strength and maturity to be able to talk to your partner when there is something you do not agree on/arent happy with.... again not by attacking/being aggressive but being assertive/polite.

Oh, and guys have feelings too!

[kadhim]

Quote

Oh, and guys have feelings too!

Pfft! Do not!
Like, feelings are gay!

Edited by kadhim, 06 June 2012 - 11:02 PM.

[Marbles]

Endless Emotion, on 06 June 2012 - 06:46 PM, said:

Who TOLD u I didn't fancy him? he's such a nice and caring man every girl dreams to marry.
If just my dad didn't refuse... well, I confess maybe it wasn't the best way to end it,but I freaked out, OK!

The cavalier way in which you phrased your posts told me you didn't value the relationship highly. The 'I couldn't be bothered' is loaded in every naunce of your posts and is written in every line that you have said about it.

You are emotionally damaging the guy by ignoring his requests for contact. At least tell him that the reason for your refusal is something beyond his control and not personal so he can put his mind to rest, and move on. Don't make him guess his "faults" that might have triggered refusal on your part.

Someone above said that what you did was rude. No, it is downright cruel.

Not saying you should rebel against your father/family to marry him. It is up to you and your priorities in life if you want to be 100% Arab (lol). But the guy doesn't deserve this treatment.

Edited by Marbles, 07 June 2012 - 03:57 AM.

[Abu Hadi]

Endless Emotion, on 06 June 2012 - 01:41 PM, said:

Personally, I totally agree with you!
I did the same to a guy that recently proposed to me but my father refused him because of the different nationality...  I couldn't tell him this lame reason ''straight'' and decided to not respond to his e-mails, calls, sms, or whatever....  and it worked! I know it sounds rude but that's the best way to get rid of a guy when u're such a coward!

Your father acted in an unjust way and you supported him in that act of injustice(thulm)
The coward part is the least of it. If I were you I wouldnt go bragging about things like that.

[ילדת מלך]

Abu Hadi, on 07 June 2012 - 07:54 AM, said:

Your father acted in an unjust way and you supported him in that act of injustice(thulm)
The coward part is the least of it. If I were you I wouldnt go bragging about things like that.

what about parental guidance and protection ?---and--

why to displease your father just to humour a stranger ?

this is not the right criteria of being a dutiful daughter--

[shiaaliibrahim]

It is worst than rude to not respond.  To hold someones emotions hostage for whatever reason is selfish and cowardly.  It is not their feeling that are being protected but your own.  If option A says no, then you have your 2nd option.   A person who at that point deserves better than you.

Wa Salaam

[Haydar Husayn]

ילדת מלך, on 07 June 2012 - 08:10 AM, said:

what about parental guidance and protection ?---and--

why to displease your father just to humour a stranger ?

this is not the right criteria of being a dutiful daughter--

You shouldn't obey your parents when they are commanding something that goes against Islam.

O you who believe! do not take your fathers and your brothers for guardians if they love unbelief more than belief; and whoever of you takes them for a guardian, these it is that are the unjust. [Qur'an, 9:23]

And We have enjoined man in respect of his parents-- his mother bears him with faintings upon faintings and his weaning takes two years-- saying: Be grateful to Me and to both your parents; to Me is the eventual coming. And if they contend with you that you should associate with Me what you have no knowledge of, do not obey them, and keep company with them in this world kindly, and follow the way of him who turns to Me, then to Me is your return, then will I inform you of what you did [31:14-15]

[ילדת מלך]

And parental protection and guidance ?

If a father is stopping his child from something because of his apprehension, he is doing it to safeguard her, isn't that's why consent of Wali is considered necessary,

[Haydar Husayn]

ילדת מלך, on 07 June 2012 - 08:36 AM, said:

And parental protection and guidance ?

If a father is stopping his child from something because of his apprehension, he is doing it to safeguard her, isn't that's why consent of Wali is considered necessary,

Racism is not a valid criteria, no matter how 'apprehensive' the father is.

Edited by Haydar Husayn, 07 June 2012 - 08:43 AM.

[ילדת מלך]

Do you know the place where I am living, mostly fathers , if not pleased with their daughter's marriages,( when sometimes girl marry without their approval ) get them annulled in Shariah court.

It's generally believed that without the actual and verbal consent of Wali a girl's nikkah is not valid according to sharia--

so, I do not know what to say

Edited by ילדת מלך, 07 June 2012 - 08:48 AM.