15 replies to this topic

[Ghedeer]

selam aleikum

i have been struggling with something for a very long time now. I also feel very ashamed to say this but i felt like nothing is working anymore so i thought may be someone here could help me. I am 17 years old and i have been struggling with masturbation a lot. i want to stop and i try to force my self to stop in any way but it never works.

I am sorry to bring up a topic like this but i am really concerned. i dont want to continue with the haram i am doing and it will probably affect my health as well so please reply  and tell me what i could do

thank you very much and alselamu aleikum

[Shia_Debater]

Fast as this is what we have been advised by the Prophet to help abstain from haraam things

Take an oath (only if you know you will not break it) because it will be like a 24/7 lockdown on you, every time you are going to masturbate you will remember that your oath (for example paying £2000 to charity, or fasting for three months in a row etc.) and it will help stop you, especially if you put an oath of that much money, then technically you are going to be paying £2000 and getting punished for breaking your oath which is haram and masturbating which is haram for a short pleasure.

Try to get married, whether it is permanent or temporary it doesn't really matter, you can judge which one is best for you since you know your personal situation, if you feel that you can't get permanently married for reasons such as no one giving you their daughter or you don't have a degree etc. then maybe just ask a sheikh in the mosque to help you find a family, and you never know you might find someone, or you can get temporarily married which will help protect you from sinning and is a mustahab act and also you won't have as much responsibilities as a permanent marriage, but remember with this comes risks such as accidentally getting the girl pregnant which could have a bad effect on you trying to get married in the future.

If I am not mistaken, it is wajib for you to get married if you fear falling into sins which marriage will protect you from (such as masturbation, looking at haram things, sex outside marriage etc.) (but double check that with someone knowledgeable, but I am pretty certain)

Another thing is try and surround yourself with people at all times, go to sleep in the same room as someone, don't go on the internet if there isn't someone else in the room etc.

Another very important thing is make sincere dua (supplication) to Allah (swt) and ask him to help you and forgive you and guide you and also pray for others too who are in the same position as you, when you make dua finish it with "bi haqqi muhammadin wa alihi" and "bi rahmatika yaa ar hamar raahimeen" and start and finish your dua with "Allahuma sale `alaa muhammad wa aali muhammad"

May Allah (swt) help you and all those who are trying to abstain from sinning insha'Allah

"...Whoever fears Allah, He will prepare for him a way out" [Part of Verse 2 of Sûrah al-Talâq]

[Ghedeer]

Shia_Debater, on 29 April 2012 - 04:17 PM, said:

Fast as this is what we have been advised by the Prophet to help abstain from haraam things

Take an oath (only if you know you will not break it) because it will be like a 24/7 lockdown on you, every time you are going to masturbate you will remember that your oath (for example paying £2000 to charity, or fasting for three months in a row etc.) and it will help stop you, especially if you put an oath of that much money, then technically you are going to be paying £2000 and getting punished for breaking your oath which is haram and masturbating which is haram for a short pleasure.

Try to get married, whether it is permanent or temporary it doesn't really matter, you can judge which one is best for you since you know your personal situation, if you feel that you can't get permanently married for reasons such as no one giving you their daughter or you don't have a degree etc. then maybe just ask a sheikh in the mosque to help you find a family, and you never know you might find someone, or you can get temporarily married which will help protect you from sinning and is a mustahab act and also you won't have as much responsibilities as a permanent marriage, but remember with this comes risks such as accidentally getting the girl pregnant which could have a bad effect on you trying to get married in the future.

If I am not mistaken, it is wajib for you to get married if you fear falling into sins which marriage will protect you from (such as masturbation, looking at haram things, sex outside marriage etc.) (but double check that with someone knowledgeable, but I am pretty certain)

Another thing is try and surround yourself with people at all times, go to sleep in the same room as someone, don't go on the internet if there isn't someone else in the room etc.

Another very important thing is make sincere dua (supplication) to Allah (swt) and ask him to help you and forgive you and guide you and also pray for others too who are in the same position as you, when you make dua finish it with "bi haqqi muhammadin wa alihi" and "bi rahmatika yaa ar hamar raahimeen" and start and finish your dua with "Allahuma sale `alaa muhammad wa aali muhammad"

May Allah (swt) help you and all those who are trying to abstain from sinning insha'Allah

"...Whoever fears Allah, He will prepare for him a way out" [Part of Verse 2 of Sûrah al-Talâq]

thank u very much brother i shall try fasting then. selam aleikum

[ShiaBen]

Eat a banana in the morning and exercise.

And do whatever it takes to distract yourself.

The key idea here is that you shouldn't be alone in your room etc.

By becoming occupied, the thoughts won't invade your head.

[Crimson]

The only answer you're ever going to really get from the people here is marriage. I'm not against it and I'm not encouraging you but that's you're only permanent option and I know it's close to impossible to get married at 17 for several reasons so I can relate. Fasting might help but doing it everyday isn't a good idea, you'll simply have no energy to do anything.

Exercising is a good way to avoid masturbation because the hormone testosterone that gives you the urge to masturbate is used to build muscle. And this can actually helps because after your workout you wont feel like doing anything apart from falling into a bed, if it was intense anyway.

Find something else to do, like a new hobby, I'm not going to recommend you what I do because apparently its haram but find something you want to learn or already do and just improve in it, could be anything from art to football.

In the end it's still going to come down to you being mentally strong enough to stop yourself even though it seems impossible, you're not always going to be alone and around people too. I'm not going to say it's easy because I'm 16 so we're going through the same thing and it does actually come down to mental and will power.

Edited by Crimson, 29 April 2012 - 06:00 PM.

[Aly ReZa]

bro there are tons of other threads like this

read that

[Marbles]

Aly ReZa, on 30 April 2012 - 12:30 AM, said:

bro there are tons of other threads like this

read that

Exactly. Why do we need yet another masturbation thread every few days I don't know. It's the same problem with same advice and same conclusions. Sigh.

[Waiting for HIM]

Marbles, on 02 May 2012 - 01:35 PM, said:

Exactly. Why do we need yet another masturbation thread every few days I don't know. It's the same problem with same advice and same conclusions. Sigh.

Because each new day a new young Shia kid is getting into adolescence proving that just physical baloogh is not good enough for marriage, you got to be at certain mental baloogh level too.

Proof: Kid can't use the search feature of SC yet
On the contrary, if one can use the search feature of the SC, does not mean has reached the level of mental baloogh.

Yet again, posting this is akin to Bar Mitzvah for Muslim youth so let it be!

[Abu Hadi]

Salam,

Actually it shows a few trends that are very disturbing
1) These young men don't have any significant male figures in their life that they feel comfortable talking to about this, so they have to come here. If they could talk to their dads or uncles about this, I'm sure they wouldn't be posting in a public forum
2) These young men should be getting married but they feel marriage is something impossible for them. It is seeming more and more impossible to them because of out of control materialism of muslim families especially in the West.

We shouldn't be trivializing this but should think about how we can work toward a solution for these issues, IMO.

[Darth Vader]

It is a sad thing for all of us living today that we have been surrounded by Satan and we're being forced to commit haram and submit to its wishes. There is no hijab and hijablessness is being promoted globally in a big way. Open your web browser, messenger or any site and you'll be greeted with links like "How to increase your libido", "How to have better sexual experience" etc., updated twice or thrice DAILY. Along with pictures of models and super stars. Go out on the street and you'll see erotic things; pictures, people, whatever. So much effort put into this shameless and illogical pursuit of this particular evil. Some nations do such things for the sake of increasing their indigenous populations and go to any lengths, take Japan as an example.

Anyway, its just sad. Sometimes I think that may be I didn't perform admirably enough in the spirit world before this one to have been sent in this unfortunate period of our time. There is only the brown stuff to be seen, and we're completely helpless. Global enforcement of shamelessness, usury, corruption, humiliation of freedom, rights, Satan has a strangle hold over the entire world.

I don't think there is a permanent escape from this except marriage. Get married with a home maker while you can, before they turn every last female into a Britney Spears clone who will marry you just to make your life miserable and, if the anti-marriage law exists, takes half of your property and wealth from you. Look at these loveless materialistic throngs of females, roaming about like chicken. Speaking of chickens, even the breeds of chickens available today have -somehow- lost the gene that makes a hen go broody and raise a family. 20 years ago one in thirty hens would go broody and now one in a hundred hens will go broody, sit on her eggs patiently for four weeks, and even then there is a good chance that she'll say "to hell with it", get up and leave the pile of eggs to rot after sitting for a few days.

I hope I'm wrong but the way things are headed soon the youth will be left with extremely little choice in the matter and only haram options left. Those who don't want to make an effort in this regard are already practicing the much more convenient and purely haram alternatives, much to the pleasure of satanists and their master.

[Darth Vader]

Abu Hadi, on 03 May 2012 - 05:31 AM, said:

Salam,

Actually it shows a few trends that are very disturbing
1) These young men don't have any significant male figures in their life that they feel comfortable talking to about this, so they have to come here. If they could talk to their dads or uncles about this, I'm sure they wouldn't be posting in a public forum
2) These young men should be getting married but they feel marriage is something impossible for them. It is seeming more and more impossible to them because of out of control materialism of muslim families especially in the West.

We shouldn't be trivializing this but should think about how we can work toward a solution for these issues, IMO.

Agreed. But for this particular issue the community needs excellent mutual cooperation. We need men with such a level of faith that they're willing to allow their suitable sisters (widows or otherwise -suitable- for mutah), their daughters, their sons, their widowed or single parent, not only allow them but encourage them to do mutah if the need exists (i.e., in order to avoid sins). They must not neglect the situation or need of such people in their families as is the norm. Implementing such a norm and helping each other such a high level of unpolluted faith would be quite a feat.

[Marbles]

Abu Dujana, on 03 May 2012 - 06:33 AM, said:

Agreed. But for this particular issue the community needs excellent mutual cooperation. We need men with such a level of faith that they're willing to allow their suitable sisters (widows or otherwise -suitable- for mutah), their daughters, their sons, their widowed or single parent, not only allow them but encourage them to do mutah if the need exists (i.e., in order to avoid sins). They must not neglect the situation or need of such people in their families as is the norm. Implementing such a norm and helping each other such a high level of unpolluted faith would be quite a feat.

Inshallah aglay janam main.

[Waiting for HIM]

Abu Hadi, on 03 May 2012 - 05:31 AM, said:

Salam,

Actually it shows a few trends that are very disturbing
1) These young men don't have any significant male figures in their life that they feel comfortable talking to about this, so they have to come here. If they could talk to their dads or uncles about this, I'm sure they wouldn't be posting in a public forum
2) These young men should be getting married but they feel marriage is something impossible for them. It is seeming more and more impossible to them because of out of control materialism of muslim families especially in the West.

We shouldn't be trivializing this but should think about how we can work toward a solution for these issues, IMO.

Funny you said this. I was going to say the same thing. When I was a teenager, my dad was the only one in family who one day gathered all of us brothers (and we are quite a handful MashAllah), and gave us a detailed lecture on sexuality, how desires come up, how not to masturbate, what to think when you see a good looking woman and so on. He was little too over liberal about it and later we heard mom sort of chastizing him about it since the most younger one kept on giggling like a little girl while the lecture was going on, but really, none of us ever found any barriers in discussing the need for marriage or asking other questions from our dad.

He finished it with the punch line, "never do anything in your youth, that once you get old, you regret that why you did that thing at that time".  Just this advice has saved me from myriad of bad things that I could have done otherwise...

Anyways, #2 is going to be a no no in our society until there is going to be a major catastrophie or until the Last Imam (s) is going to come, other than that, I do not see this concept catching up with Muslims, because a) people are double faced, do not understand the logic of Islam, c) trivialize sins, so dads know that their 17,18 yrs old got to be doing masturbation, but they do not find a solution for them, d) women are way too self centered, e) women are incapable of finding what is realy good for them, f) we have tons and tons of lazy bums among Muslim males, so why would someone agree to do nikah his daughter with a 17 years old who is a loser now and would more likely be a loser the rest of his life.
(I'm highlighting the last part because this deters a lots of real momin parents and real momina sisters from marrying because a lazy, hide their head in the sand young male is never going to be the proper "kafu").

#1 is solveable, probably needs an initiative from Masajid and community leaders to teach the parents to teach and discuss these things with their growing kids.

[Shia_Debater]

^ Not all women are way too self centred. Not all women are incapable of finding what is really good for them.

[Ricky-Dee]

Waiting for HIM, on 03 May 2012 - 09:59 AM, said:

Funny you said this. I was going to say the same thing. When I was a teenager, my dad was the only one in family who one day gathered all of us brothers (and we are quite a handful MashAllah), and gave us a detailed lecture on sexuality, how desires come up, how not to masturbate, what to think when you see a good looking woman and so on. He was little too over liberal about it and later we heard mom sort of chastizing him about it since the most younger one kept on giggling like a little girl while the lecture was going on, but really, none of us ever found any barriers in discussing the need for marriage or asking other questions from our dad.

He finished it with the punch line, "never do anything in your youth, that once you get old, you regret that why you did that thing at that time".  Just this advice has saved me from myriad of bad things that I could have done otherwise...

Anyways, #2 is going to be a no no in our society until there is going to be a major catastrophie or until the Last Imam (s) is going to come, other than that, I do not see this concept catching up with Muslims, because a) people are double faced, do not understand the logic of Islam, c) trivialize sins, so dads know that their 17,18 yrs old got to be doing masturbation, but they do not find a solution for them, d) women are way too self centered, e) women are incapable of finding what is realy good for them, f) we have tons and tons of lazy bums among Muslim males, so why would someone agree to do nikah his daughter with a 17 years old who is a loser now and would more likely be a loser the rest of his life.
(I'm highlighting the last part because this deters a lots of real momin parents and real momina sisters from marrying because a lazy, hide their head in the sand young male is never going to be the proper "kafu").

#1 is solveable, probably needs an initiative from Masajid and community leaders to teach the parents to teach and discuss these things with their growing kids.

If i could click on the like this feature i would, INSTEAD im going to reply and add a few of my thoughts.

Parents are no longer parents, because they are either A- Too soft, let their kids do what they want B - Too arrogant (my son would NEVER do such a thing) C - Too busy working and worrying about competing with the next "new money" member of society.

Women well lol, 90% of them do not know their left from their right im not going to elaborate on that

Point is, its a messed up situation, and a vaild note was the fact that no one is going through the effort of explaining these things to their children. I remember a Sheik, telling me and my brothers about how haram masturbation is, and how we are allowed to have sex with girls but there are rules (mut3a) etc etc etc.  This is what is lacking these days, and its simple

its because we are the 99%

[Haider512]

I feel he need to start praying 5 times plus should do regular exercise and plus he need to involve himself in some sort of activity like where he is not alone should do all that can make him stay away from this prolem