6 replies to this topic

[Nargela]

All praise belongs to him and him alone,
Who created everything from the sand to the stone,
Yet you continue to denine everything you hear.
known that your trumbling in complete fear.

Increase your wisdom,
Every year of your age.
For life is not a book
it is only a page.

*Turning this in for a big cover page for a project in school, Think its good? , If you had to edit something what would it be?

Edited by Nargela, 12 April 2012 - 12:13 AM.

[hameedeh]

Nargela, on 12 April 2012 - 12:10 AM, said:

All praise belongs to him and him alone,
Who created everything from the sand to the stone,
Yet you continue to denine everything you hear.
known that your trumbling in complete fear.

Increase your wisdom,
Every year of your age.
For life is not a book
it is only a page.

*Turning this in for a big cover page for a project in school, Think its good? , If you had to edit something what would it be?

First line, capitalize Him and Him.
Line two is good.
Line three, change denine to deny and change the period after hear to a comma.
Line four, change known to Knowing and change trumbling to trembling.
Lines five to eight are perfect, mashAllah. Good luck!

Edited by hameedeh, 12 April 2012 - 01:11 AM.

[Goku]

Change your to you're as in "you are" in known that your trumbling in complete fear.

Edited by Goku, 12 April 2012 - 01:18 AM.

[Nargela]

Oh thanks a bunch guys! Spelling was never my thing lol.

Edited by Nargela, 12 April 2012 - 01:22 AM.

[Goku]

Nargela, on 12 April 2012 - 01:20 AM, said:

Oh thanks a bunch guys! Spelling was never my thing lol.

My tip is to change stone to something else. Sand and stone are really similar, have something completely different. For example, from the bees to the trees.

[Nargela]

Goku, on 12 April 2012 - 01:25 AM, said:

My tip is to change stone to something else. Sand and stone are really similar, have something completely different. For example, from the bees to the trees.

Your right I like using metaphors and similes in poetry. I got better poetry but I don't want to use my work for school. This poem I created in less than 10 minutes.

[Aly ReZa]

THE GREATEST SAND

KHAAK E SHIFA

THE SAND OF KARBALA