97 replies to this topic

[Naz_]

shiasoul, on 24 March 2012 - 11:08 PM, said:

Thanks, ugh actually I think I'm getting in my own way by not controlling my anger. Talking with my parents is close to impossible, lets just say theyre very traditional. Any unique hints on how to hold your anger? I tried biting my tongue today, it worked...until I let go and that's when I burst :'(.

If its close to impossible then don't talk about it....yet. When your relationship gets better with your parents then address this issue. For now, avoid talking about it and any other issue that sparks an argument. Don't worry you learn from your mistakes. Everyones different so the way I hold my anger might not work for you and the way you hold your anger might not work for me. Its something that you master over time and with reflection. I'll still tell you what I do, might help in some way I guess;
- I try to think about other things whilst I'm angry
- Try to take whatever theyre saying in one ear and out the other
- I think of Allah's (swt) forgiveness and the importance He (swt) gives to parents I also think about the difficulties my mother went through to bring me to the world and how I'm repaying her.
- If I'm standing I sit down and if I'm sitting I stand up (Imam Ali says to do this).
- Doing fresh wudhu helps.

How old are you? (If you don't mind me asking) Are you going through a rough time with your parents?
Anyways, hope my post helped. I think I kinda went off on a tangent but yeah

[shiasoul]

Naz_, on 25 March 2012 - 08:14 AM, said:

If its close to impossible then don't talk about it....yet. When your relationship gets better with your parents then address this issue. For now, avoid talking about it and any other issue that sparks an argument. Don't worry you learn from your mistakes. Everyones different so the way I hold my anger might not work for you and the way you hold your anger might not work for me. Its something that you master over time and with reflection. I'll still tell you what I do, might help in some way I guess;
- I try to think about other things whilst I'm angry
- Try to take whatever theyre saying in one ear and out the other
- I think of Allah's (swt) forgiveness and the importance He (swt) gives to parents I also think about the difficulties my mother went through to bring me to the world and how I'm repaying her.
- If I'm standing I sit down and if I'm sitting I stand up (Imam Ali says to do this).
- Doing fresh wudhu helps.

How old are you? (If you don't mind me asking) Are you going through a rough time with your parents?
Anyways, hope my post helped. I think I kinda went off on a tangent but yeah

That was very helpful, jazakAllah! As for my age, my parents have taught me better I never give that out. But you can probably figure that out, I am going through that stage when children think they know everything. Definately a rough time

[Naz_]

shiasoul, on 25 March 2012 - 10:13 AM, said:

That was very helpful, jazakAllah! As for my age, my parents have taught me better I never give that out. But you can probably figure that out, I am going through that stage when children think they know everything. Definately a rough time

You're welcome   Lool, i was only asking so that I could give you better advice; nevermind though. Yeah, just be patient

[Mystery-*]

Salaam sisters,

This is a really cute topic

I was going back and forth with the idea of wearing an abaya for a while, and then when I came back from Ziyarah last year, I just carried on wearing it. My advise to anyone who wants to start, but is finding it difficult, is take it one step at a time. I started wearing long maxi dresses, and eventually abayas, and even now I wear for example a blazer on top. I think as a Muslim woman, it is important to look presentable and respectable in public, like you say not to 'scare' people, so just wear something on top to compliment it.

Regarding the chador abayas - I think most people buy material and get it tailored and made. I also just found a website that does Open (and closed) chador abayas:

http://www.sunnahclo...-abaya-17-p.asp

(You can't see because of the black clothing underneath, but it is open)

[habib e najjaar]

May Allah grant us all the tawfeeq of doing everything purely for His sake. I am happy to hear about sisters wanting to guard their modesty and wear abayahs. Where I am, we take wearing an abayah for granted. It's standard practise for anyone who is baligh. However, how properly it is worn, or whether it is worn for the purpose of hijab is an entirely different matter.

About worrying what effect it will have on your career, society etc... I think it must go back to the question of WHY we choose to adopt a certain lifestyle, and how ready we are for the consequences of it. Let's say we are worried about getting a job while in abayah - isn't our rizq already guaranteed? Why should we then waste an opportunity of safeguarding that which is not yet guaranteed (our faith, modesty and chastity) at the expense of something we are guaranteed to get (our rizq)? Also, we must remember that it is impossible to please all the people all the time. So it's better to please the One whose standards never change, and whose path is already clear for us. For society, their standards always change. Just look at what tennis players wore in the 20's and 30's


I am not able to post what they wear today. It is simply shameful and disgusting. Who knows what society will deem "acceptable" in the next 10 years, perhaps people won't need to wear anything to play sports "properly" naudhbillah. The standard of modesty never changes. Use that as your measure, not society or democracy. These two are far from being a stable or reasonable measure, sadly.

Parents and their objections - I agree with Naz that wearing a form of hijab should not be done at the expense of your parent's blessings, EXCEPT if they are forbidding you from dressing modestly at all. E.g if they do not allow you to wear an abayah but allow you to dress in baggy, loose clothing, cover all the required areas, observe social hijab, then why anger them, or belittle their wisdom in not wanting you to wear a certain form of abayah? Appeal to their logic and wisdom slowly, through your good conduct, and insha'Allah they will come round to your way of thinking sooner or later. Being rebellious to them in order to observe hijab could put them off the hijab, and reinforce the idea that people who wish to observe hijab in a certain way are simply extreme.

Reactions from non-Muslims: It would be good if every sister equipped herself with bibilical verses on modest wear so that you are able to answer the misconception that hijab, in the sense of cover all attire and a modest demeanor is an oppressed arab woman thing. for example:
The bibilical standard is:
For if a wife will not cover her head, then she should cut her hair short. But since it is disgraceful for a wife to cut off her hair or shave her head, let her cover her head. 1 Corinthians 11:6
Also, why should a Muslim woman be made to feel like the person in "that big black thing" while if a nun wears something similar, she is an inspiration, an epitome of modesty? Know your facts, and have them at your finger tips for when you need them.
Why should this be seen as modest:


And this as terror fit inducing:


that was too long a post. I wanted to mention social hijab, but alhamdulillah, I am sure you are all already aware of it and practising it May Allah perfect our imaan and taqwa.

Edited by habib e najjaar, 26 March 2012 - 02:22 PM.

[*salsabeel*]

-Enlightened, on 21 March 2012 - 08:28 PM, said:

Are there any sisters who are wearing Abaya/chador and living in the west ..with not so many shia people around ?

I would like to start wearing the abaya ...but it's really really uncommon and rare here. I've NEVER seen anyone with an Abaya in my city  ...except those niqabis ..and they don't attend college or work or anything ..

and I'll still be going to college and living you know.. I don't wanna sound like a black monster with this 'thing that she's wearing'..

I just feel that my hijab is not enough. .. and don't suggest me to wear something  long and ugly  to make it  'modest'.. it's really Abaya that I want ..

and yeah i just want your comments..how will i be dealing with this ?

Sister

It is great to wear an abaya in the west and I don't think it will look at all like a black monster depending on how you put it together.

It depends - try to not get one of those chador type that have so much extra material which western people get quite annoyed about due to health and safety reasons (i've had my abaya trapped in doors etc).

These are nice abaya styles: http://www.aabuk.com/category-everyday
Western cuts but abaya at the same time! Very modest!

Also - if you want to put it together in a cool way, this girl has done a great job: http://www.dinatoki-...our-abbaya.html
I like how she has worn a blazer over the abaya - makes it slightly more formal in case you need it for a meeting/event or something.

Hope these help!

[AR2011]

doesnt the blazer ontop of the abaya make it more fitted and therefore defy the point that these girls are mashallah striving to better their hijab to another level?

[-Enlightened]

thank you sister salsabeel

but it's abaya with the head that i wanted ,not the normal one

[Mystery-*]

AR2011, on 26 March 2012 - 05:34 PM, said:

doesnt the blazer ontop of the abaya make it more fitted and therefore defy the point that these girls are mashallah striving to better their hijab to another level?

Salaam,

A blazer doesnt always have to be fitted, there are styles right now that are loose and are gd as an extra layer on top of abaya in the summer. And sometimes an abaya on its own isnt sufficient, as you need an extra layer to guard your modesty, so it serves well.

Ws

[_JuGNii]

The awkward moment when a GUY likes a post in SISTERS ONLY Topic

[AR2011]

Quote

A blazer doesnt always have to be fitted, there are styles right now that are loose and are gd as an extra layer on top of abaya in the summer. And sometimes an abaya on its own isnt sufficient, as you need an extra layer to guard your modesty, so it serves well.

i dont disagree. i was commenting specifically about the ones the sister posted.

[jannahismygoal]

Just another image of woman in Chador, to add to the tread.

[3laweyaZainabiya]

Speaking of girls not wearing abayas...

People always assume I'm Sunni around here because unfortunately the shia girls here don't wear abayas. Theyd wear them once and then go back to their pants (if they weren't so tight I wouldn't have a problem with them).
It's sad :/

I wear an abaya but I don't have much to say. Wearing an abaya in Dearborn isn't hard at all. I live amongst Arabs and even if they weren't Muslims or religious, they wouldnt give anyone a hard time about it. Even the non-Arabs here.

[-Enlightened]

mashaAllah . I always say to myself that i wished to live in dearborn !

[ImAli]

-Enlightened, on 20 April 2012 - 11:23 AM, said:

mashaAllah . I always say to myself that i wished to live in dearborn !

Oh no you don't LOL

[zeinab94]

-Enlightened, on 22 March 2012 - 05:38 PM, said:

by the way,  just to make it clear ..it's abaya the one that goes on the head that i want to wear...not the normal one

the sister with the facebook page doesn't sell those .. i checked. .. . if she does, please let me know .

Asalamu Alaikum,,

actually i have a new facebook page for my clothing stuff http://www.facebook....100003699518678
but even though im not selling them now,, i will be selling Chadors soon,, like in the next 2weeks or so,, because im just getting a sample before i sell it to people,,

im interested in selling them because i also want to wear one Inshallah,, i currently just wear normal abayas,,

i would be able to make it in any size/shape/colour/material you want,, Inshallah

and isnt wearing dresses and stuff underneath abayas abit to much,, i just wear tights,, u cant see it when u wear the abaya and its comfortable,,

and like many other girls on this topic,, my parents like freaked out on me when i talked about chador,,
Inshallah i get to wear it soon

[3laweyaZainabiya]

-Enlightened, on 20 April 2012 - 11:23 AM, said:

mashaAllah . I always say to myself that i wished to live in dearborn !

It has just as many pros and it does cons... Even though most of the time the cons surpass the pros...

[1472Maryam]

Salam alaikum,

I don't think I saw this web site mentioned yet in this thread: http://www.jelbab.com. They have abayas, jelbabs, and other types of hijab wear.  The size guide on the site will help you to choose a size that will fit loosely on you.  There are some jelbabs on the site that look quite professional and do quite well at work.

When I began wearing hijab I "warned" my director at work first and alhamdulliah, although she is not Muslim, she was quite supportive.  She said that I was an example to people of someone who had the courage to do what she believed.

I am a revert, so the person who had the hardest time with my wearing the abayas and jelbabs was my Christian mother.  She knew that I was Muslim and was ok with that, but now it was in her face and everyone knew . Now, though, 6 years later, she often compliments me on what I wear.

I live in the Washington, DC area and so there are many sisters with many different forms of hijab here, and once I started wearing it I really began to notice how many of us there were.

Best wishes to all of you who are trying to make that decision or obtain their parents' blessings.

[Ruqayyah_Badami]

My sister in law has a beautiful purple abaya. Don't just stick to black if it's hot or you're not comfortable wearing full black. Also white is nice. One of my friends has a fancy white abaya for functions with a gold trim. Most of my friends that wear them do wear black ones with any colour scarves.
Personally I don't wear them much because I find it hard to move around a lot, so I like the loose pakistani kurtas and jeans. You could try that as a step toward wearing the full long abaya?

And yes I know ladies who just wear jeans and not much else with them.

Also the shiny metallic ones tend to show curves more that hide them. Think twice about that!

[Maryammm]

Salam, check this one out on ebay, it's way cheaper then the others posted http://www.ebay.co.u...=item20c61b691b there is also these for a slightly higher price in a few colours http://www.ebay.co.u...=item230c3f6615 I wish you all the best in your attempts at wearing the overhead abaya inshallah, salams and du3as

[NLAMAH]

I live in California and I can wear an abaya just about anywhere I go! School, grocery store, mall, appointments, and especially in the heat. All you gotta do is wear something light underneath so you don't die of the heat. There's a lot of Indians that walk around with their cultural clothes on so I don't think wearing an abaya is going to get you negative attention. When I first wore it to school, people thought it was a really pretty dress and that I was celebrating something special - there is nothing wrong with educating your surroundings about what you're wearing. After the first time you wear it out, it'll feel normal when you wear it again.

[-Enlightened]

are we talking about the same black abaya /chador ? ^

[Zehranaqvi]

-Enlightened, on 21 March 2012 - 08:28 PM, said:

Are there any sisters who are wearing Abaya/chador and living in the west ..with not so many shia people around ?

I would like to start wearing the abaya ...but it's really really uncommon and rare here. I've NEVER seen anyone with an Abaya in my city  ...except those niqabis ..and they don't attend college or work or anything ..

and I'll still be going to college and living you know.. I don't wanna sound like a black monster with this 'thing that she's wearing'..

I just feel that my hijab is not enough. .. and don't suggest me to wear something  long and ugly  to make it  'modest'.. it's really Abaya that I want ..

and yeah i just want your comments..how will i be dealing with this ?

AOA, i live in the west too and want to start wearing an abaya.
take a look at these http://www.aabuk.com...y-classic-black
other colours are available too. i know they r quite pricy but i think they r worth it :/ i want the black oolong
hope i helped
tc
WS