103 replies to this topic

[worshiper]

Alejandro Sosa, on 17 March 2012 - 01:44 PM, said:

um, what?^

me?

[ali313]

Goku, on 16 March 2012 - 03:42 AM, said:

Sallam Alykum,

I need help with controlling sexual desires. I am 21 years old and like many young adults living in the western world it is very hard controlling these sexual desires. I tried everything from praying on time and asking Allah swt to help me, reading dua, listening to Islamic lectures, exercising, fasting, stopped listening to music, but nothing is working...

I can control myself for like a week tops but the urge after that is uncontrollable. for example, last week I was doing homework and out of no where sex popped into my head. I wasn't thinking about it or girls or anything before it happened...

I constantly do ghusl and ask Allah swt for forgiveness but this seems like it's out of my hands... I try so hard to stop but it seems impossible...

help me please.

I think it doesn't matter how much you fast or listen Islamic lectures or exercising....   it's a matter of how focused you are....Bro, try to change your focus of mind..& if you can then try to recite Surah al-Insan (Dahr) daily.. &..Dua e Noor (Sagheer) Link
Thanks...
May Allah  ÓÈÍÇ äÀ æ ÊÚÇ áí  Guide us all to Truth and keep us on the straight path.

[MALANGG]

i beleive many on this forum or the whole site are currently going or has gone through or are going to pass from this stage.
as of my view i can say that marriage is impossible in this stage
In todays world if u want a relegious good looking and a desired girl he should have a bank balance of not less then a million
A Minimum 1000 sq ft shop
Which gives an output of minimum 10000 dollars p.m
2 lavish cars
And a master penthouse.
Snap character etc doesnt works now if u Have all this you will get wat u want if you dont then .....  You all know.
Controlling lust is a toughest task today
Dont know whAt is the permanent cure for this except marriage.

[mun3t]

ÈÓã Çááå ÇáÑÍãä ÇáÑÍíã

Your age is suitable for marriage. But say not 'nothing is working.'

[39:53] Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful."

And keep up your supplicating, nothing changes fate except the weapon of the Prophets.

[2:45] And seek help through patience and prayer, and indeed, it is difficult except for the humbly submissive [to Allah]

In any way, you might consider this. You have always progressed. I advice you to keep up the fasting and follow its etiquette and not on a merely empty stomach. Be humble in your walk, and cast down your gaze. Guard your private parts and and turn away from frivolous and vain speech [such as music]:

[23:3] And who keep aloof from what is vain,
[23: 5] And who guard their private parts,

Once again, I do really emphasize on your fasting. Many who observe fasting, especially during the Month of Ramadan, do not follow the etiquette of fasting and do not ripe any benefit from it. Thus they only endured hunger and tiredness and remained in the same seat of faith without any improvement and got only regret [in this world] and remorse [on the Day of Judgement].

I also advice you to stay awake after Salat al-Subh (Dawn prayer). It will decrease your sexual urge, and aloof any voluntarily discharge of semen [during sleep]. And according to Imam al-Baqir , Allah - Mighty and Exalted - cure those who are  afflicted with a disease or sickness during the daybreak.

And keep up the remembrance of Allah! Indeed, His name is the medicine and His remembrance is the Cure [Narrated by Imam 'Ali ]

[62:10] and remember Allah often that you may succeed.

Moreover, if this sexual urges goes beyond what you can handle (Ma'ath Allah) you can always pray Salat Ja'far b. Abi Talib or  Salat of the Prophet (SAWA) and Salat al-Layl. By Allah! He will answer your call; even if you ask for a kingdom like Prophet Solomon's kingdom, He will grant you it as long as you do not despair of Allah's Mercy and do not doubt your prayer.

[YariAzQuran]

Salaams brother,

You just have to FIND THE WILL. Make a pact with Allah سبحانه وتعالى, a verbal contract with your hand on the Quran, facing the qibla, asking forgiveness from the sins that you've committed, and PROMISING Him that you will never commit that sin again, and ASK for His Help. In addition, ask that He Help you find a wife asap, or whenever He Knows it to be best.

Remember, when you get married, the battle is over. Make the intention that you will come out of it as a winner, and not the sinner.

In the meantime, here are my 10 commandments for myself, yourself, and all the brothers who are struggling with this. It has worked wonders for me personally Alhamdulillah:

1)Spend less time on the computer
2) Spend more time around people, family or friends. If you live with none, then go to the library, cafes, etc. If you still spend time on the computer, then MAKE SURE to do it in the living room or something where family/friends are nearby.
3) NEVER be in your room alone in the day with the door closed - Shaitan WILL attack, just like when he does when you're with a girl in the room alone, so leave your door open.
4) Play lots of sports (soccer, football, hockey, basketball etc), in addition to working out. This is extremely underrated in helping control those desires, trust me. Do this weekly. Set up a weekly group with a bunch of people in the community for this, or join one if one already exists.
5) When you start having those thoughts out of nowhere, think or say loudly to Shaitan, "GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" (aoodhubillahiminashaitanirrajeem)
6) HAVE your mindset SET that you will NOT commit sin
7) Any time you 'relapse', put $100 or something similar to the poor.
8) Do your prayers on time. Once that is established, start the nafilahs.
9) Continue listening to lectures, nasheeds, any other thing that leads to the remembrance of Allah سبحانه وتعالى, and read Islamic material. EXTREMELY IMPORTANT: READ the Quran (arabic AND translation) EVERY DAY. I'm telling you from experience that this is the key.
10) Remeber, the smallest of sins should not be taken lightly, so make sure not to commit them, as they WILL lead to bigger sins. Don't fool yourself into thinking that 'this is okay, its not like I'm doing this or anything...' The snowball effect is similar to sins.

InshaAllah I hope these help you brother, and to brothers everywhere. Remember, we are one ummah, and one brother's problems are another's. You all are in my duas, and I ask that you all keep me in your duas as well.

Serious question to all others who have replied before this...

How do any of you expect to so easily do Muta? You guys first say, 'get married, and if you can't do muta'. As if that's any easier.... any advice on how to do that? I mean, I know the words, just not sure how to create a situation where I'm able to do so.

Any help would be appreciated.

Edited by Zulfiqar14, 18 March 2012 - 05:44 PM.

[baradar_jackson]

Goku, on 16 March 2012 - 03:42 AM, said:

Sallam Alykum,

I need help with controlling sexual desires. I am 21 years old and like many young adults living in the western world it is very hard controlling these sexual desires. I tried everything from praying on time and asking Allah swt to help me, reading dua, listening to Islamic lectures, exercising, fasting, stopped listening to music, but nothing is working...

I can control myself for like a week tops but the urge after that is uncontrollable. for example, last week I was doing homework and out of no where sex popped into my head. I wasn't thinking about it or girls or anything before it happened...

I constantly do ghusl and ask Allah swt for forgiveness but this seems like it's out of my hands... I try so hard to stop but it seems impossible...

help me please.

Salaam aleikum

Dear brother Goku:

The biggest thing here is energy. You have a lot of built-up energy. You have to expend it. So you have done right, by trying exercise.

Another possible solution, is to try to find a job that involves physical activity.

But of course you cannot always be exercising or doing physical work. So the other important thing you need to do, is to try to spend as little time alone as possible. If you're with your buddies, your mind will be occupied and won't wander off.

If all else fails, try seeking out some halal entertainment. Movies, TV shows, etc... that will not take your mind in that direction. One thing which is especially helpful, is laughing. Look for something that makes you laugh.

See if this floats your boat:

[Dam3il Husayn]

Make a ziyara to any maqaam. You will feel what I call "refreshed" and it helps a lot. You will stop sinning more than usual...

[shia4life669]

[REMOVED]

Edited by Replicant, 22 April 2012 - 05:12 PM.
Encouraging sin

[Shia_Debater]

shia4life669, on 22 April 2012 - 03:42 PM, said:

I seriously hope you aren't advising him to commit zina (which is a greater sin)

And if you are advising him to do mut'a or marry then maybe you should word it in that way.

[shia4life669]

Shia_Debater, on 22 April 2012 - 04:23 PM, said:

I seriously hope you aren't advising him to commit zina (which is a greater sin)

And if you are advising him to do mut'a or marry then maybe you should word it in that way.

[REMOVED]

Edited by Replicant, 22 April 2012 - 05:10 PM.
Encouraging sinning

[Shia_Debater]

shia4life669, on 22 April 2012 - 04:29 PM, said:

[REMOVED]

What kind of advice is that, delete your comment and think twice next time about posting such ridiculous advice.

If anyone reads your comment and acts on it, then they will get the punishment of zina, and you too will get the punishment of zina for advising them to do it

Read through this to see the severity of zina - http://www.al-islam....complete/15.htm

Edited by Replicant, 22 April 2012 - 05:15 PM.

[Khadim uz Zahra]

shia4life669, on 22 April 2012 - 04:29 PM, said:

[REMOVED]

What kind of ludicrous advice is this? Who told you that Satan will be forgiven?!

Edited by Replicant, 22 April 2012 - 05:15 PM.

[shia4life669]

Khadim uz Zahra, on 22 April 2012 - 04:57 PM, said:

What kind of ludicrous advice is this? Who told you that Satan will be forgiven?!

I said satin will even Think he will be forgiven. I just just gave him another option that he can take if he is willing to take a painfull punishment

Edited by shia4life669, 22 April 2012 - 06:03 PM.

[iDevonian]

aw, i want to know what the advice was...

But if you think about it, sexual desires are strong because they are of the fundamental necessities of life.  As opposed to music which we really don't need to survive.  Which is why one urge is stronger than the other. If we did not have such a strong sexual interest, then we wouldnt have babies, and if we didnt have babies, then we wouldnt be here talking about it now.

So our existence depends upon sexual desire. And this is how it will be no matter what you try, no matter how you try to distract yourself, you will always have the interest because its genetically hardwired into you.

My advice would be to find a good girl for yourself.  Otherwise, get used to it my nikkah.

Edited by iDevonian, 23 April 2012 - 01:11 AM.

[Propaganda_of_the_Deed]

Goku, on 16 March 2012 - 03:42 AM, said:

Sallam Alykum,

Wa alaykum asalaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatahu.

Goku, on 16 March 2012 - 03:42 AM, said:

I need help with controlling sexual desires. I am 21 years old and like many young adults living in the western world it is very hard controlling these sexual desires. I tried everything from praying on time and asking Allah swt to help me, reading dua, listening to Islamic lectures, exercising, fasting, stopped listening to music, but nothing is working...

First of all. What exactly do you mean by "controlling" sexual desires? Sexual desire is a bloody natural thing. Would you rather be asexual? It's not something that you can turn it down a few notches or degrees... there is no red alert.

To me this sounds way too much like some of these indoctrinated evangelical Christians who are programmed into thinking sexual desire in an unmarried person is wrong and impure. Why do you need to "control" it?

This is also why religious extremism is a common alternative for bored and unmarried single young males, who feel they need to suppress evil thoughts with militant piety.

Goku, on 16 March 2012 - 03:42 AM, said:

I can control myself for like a week tops but the urge after that is uncontrollable. for example, last week I was doing homework and out of no where sex popped into my head. I wasn't thinking about it or girls or anything before it happened...

Ok? Sexual thougts tend to creep up on us like that, especially us men folk, (which reminds me of one of those humourous lists stipulating as to the reasons why it is better to be a male than a female; one of them being you get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours). So you thought about intercourse whilst doing homework. Dude I can think of more random situations when I have found myself thinking such thoughts, like being in an aeroplane, using the loo, cooking, queuing up at a post office, or simply just walking minding my own business as it were. Moreover, we don't exactly need too much of an excuse, such as thinking or seeing girls do we?

Goku, on 16 March 2012 - 03:42 AM, said:

I constantly do ghusl and ask Allah swt for forgiveness but this seems like it's out of my hands... I try so hard to stop but it seems impossible...

Seeking forgiveness? Well I wont discourage you from seeking forgiveness, we all need to do this as we are all sinners. But specifically in regards to sexual thoughts? LOLWut? You are implying that to think sexual thoughts is haraam, thus forbidden and sinful if one does so. Too much thought on one particular thing cannot exaclty be a good thing, and there is risk that you may end up doing it, but sexual thoughts are simply impossible as you stated to stop. You simply wont eradicate sexual thoughts no matter how random, from your thought processes. Maybe if you were castrated, perhaps.

Goku, on 16 March 2012 - 03:42 AM, said:

help me please.

No.

Get over your inherent human traits. As people said either do nikkah, or last resort do mutah, or super last resort, just fast if you feel you need to suppress your natural tendencies to want to procreate.

Let's just hope for your sake all this suppression of wanting to engage in such activity with the opposite gender, doesn't affect you later on in life when you do eventually marry, where you will need this desire, or turn you off women completely because you happen to think such thoughts are wrong.

Now get on your with your homework, there's a good lad. Focus.

Edited by Propaganda_of_the_Deed, 23 April 2012 - 01:47 AM.

[Ali Musaaa :)]

I have heard the word "Nikkah" tossed around a lot on this thread would someone be able to explain what this is to me?
I'm a convert and being 17 I didnt think I needed to be studying up on Marriage in Islam just yet

Edited by Ali :), 23 April 2012 - 05:51 AM.

[Liggel]

Waiting for HIM, on 16 March 2012 - 08:05 PM, said:

Don't fool yourself with abstinence, it does not work for young men in our current world, be it in West or elsewhere.

If what you say is correct, then why has Allah asked men to practice abstinence when marriage is not possible?

Would Allah Talla ever ask men to do something that doesn't work?

Of course, staying chaste before marriage is one of the greatest hardships in Islam esp. in today's world. But is abstinence does not work, then it should be permissible and halal for men to commit sins, when marriage isn't possible.

Since sexual sins are never permissible, come what may - so this means that abstinence is must and there is no other option for those who are single.

I believe that if someone is not in a position to get married, and then he is told that abstinence doesn't work and marriage is the only solution - this does more harm than good, because it leaves him with no options. He may be compelled to think that when neither marriage is possible nor abstinence, sinning is the only way out.
This thinking can be disastrous.

So my view is that unmarried men should never be told that abstinence will not work, because it will only add salt to their wounds and leave them with no hope of staying chaste without marriage.

[Qa'im]

Ali , on 23 April 2012 - 05:50 AM, said:

I have heard the word "Nikkah" tossed around a lot on this thread would someone be able to explain what this is to me?
I'm a convert and being 17 I didnt think I needed to be studying up on Marriage in Islam just yet

Nikah is the Arabic word for marriage, it also means sex. A lawful Islamic marriage is called a nikah

[Aly ReZa]

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