66 replies to this topic

[Aarash_Australia]

Maryaam, on 11 March 2012 - 09:20 PM, said:

Is that what you think of nikkah??

certainly not, but you evidently do...

[Maryaam]

Aarash_Australia, on 11 March 2012 - 09:21 PM, said:

certainly not, but you evidently do...

Why do you say that?  I am just stating what the Islamic responsibiltiy of women is in marriage. I didnt make the rules....

If you can show me some other Islamic responsibilty of women in marriage other than asking your husbands permission to go out, please do.

Edited by Maryaam, 11 March 2012 - 09:25 PM.

[Aarash_Australia]

Maryaam, on 11 March 2012 - 09:24 PM, said:

Why do you say that?  I am just stating what the Islamic responsibiltiy of women is in marriage. I didnt make the rules....

If you can show me some other Islamic responsibilty of women in marriage other than asking your husbands permission to go out, please do.

Read: http://www.al-islam....orals/index.htm

[Maryaam]

Aarash_Australia, on 11 March 2012 - 09:27 PM, said:

Read: http://www.al-islam....orals/index.htm

And there is nothing in there that puts women in the wrong here....if I have missed something please post it.

There are only two responsiblities of women in marriage - if you know more please post them.

[Aarash_Australia]

Maryaam, on 11 March 2012 - 09:31 PM, said:

And there is nothing in there that puts women in the wrong here....if I have missed something please post it.

There are only two responsiblities of women in marriage - if you know more please post them.

You haven't read it.

I'm not your teacher, read it yourself.

[Maryaam]

Aarash_Australia, on 11 March 2012 - 09:33 PM, said:

You haven't read it.

I'm not your teacher, read it yourself.

You obviously do not know and need to read to find out. I have read it many times. Islamic duties of woman are not based on your opinion. Search and you will find.

Edited by Maryaam, 11 March 2012 - 09:38 PM.

[Aqua]

I was just making assumptions based on what the article says:

"Many of the women have also said they would prefer to hold down high-profile jobs rather than look after their husbands."

And:

"He said that many Muslim men just wanted a 'homemaker' and to come home to a clean house and a plate of food on the table. He added the men didn't want the 'headache' of being in a relationship with a professional woman."

These both just scream "ego problem" to me. These successful and independent women basically think they are too good to be "traditional" wives (just so we're clear, I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to be a career woman, or a stay at home wife - it's all about choice and modesty). And these men are too chauvinistic (or threatened) to be in a marriage with a woman who is equally as successful as they are. As a result, they are settling for polygamy in order to serve themselves, not the other.

I guess the biggest problem I have with this is, I don't see how there can be a marriage built on love and spirituality with such selfishness. Idk, that's just my opinion.

[Aarash_Australia]

Maryaam, on 11 March 2012 - 09:37 PM, said:

You do not know and need to read. I have read it many times. Islamic duties of woman are not based on your opinion. Search and you will find.

lol, good comeback!

[Maryaam]

Aarash_Australia, on 11 March 2012 - 09:38 PM, said:

lol, good comeback!

Nothing to do with comebacks. Educate yourself.

[Alejandro Sosa]

What these women want to be rhymes with 'truck duddies'.

We're too good to stay at home raising kids or any of that 'back home rubbish'. We're feisty, independent women!
We want no strings attached sex, we want to go out where we want, dress how we want, we don't want a man telling us what to do! If I wanna go to a bar with girls on a Friday night, I can go!

Mashallah

[Maryaam]

Aqua, on 11 March 2012 - 09:37 PM, said:

I was just making assumptions based on what the article says:

"Many of the women have also said they would prefer to hold down high-profile jobs rather than look after their husbands."

And:

"He said that many Muslim men just wanted a 'homemaker' and to come home to a clean house and a plate of food on the table. He added the men didn't want the 'headache' of being in a relationship with a professional woman."

These both just scream "ego problem" to me. These successful and independent women basically think they are too good to be "traditional" wives (just so we're clear, I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to be a career woman, or a stay at home wife - it's all about choice and modesty). And these men are too chauvinistic (or threatened) to be in a marriage with a woman who is equally as successful as they are. As a result, they are settling for polygamy in order to serve themselves, not the other.

I guess the biggest problem I have with this is, I don't see how there can be a marriage built on love and spirituality with such selfishness. Idk, that's just my opinion.

They are stating what they want; we are making the judgement of ego here. Do you consider polygamy selfish?

Alejandro Sosa, on 11 March 2012 - 09:39 PM, said:

What these women want to be rhymes with 'truck duddies'.

We're too good to stay at home raising kids or any of that 'back home rubbish'. We're feisty, independent women!
We want no strings attached sex, we want to go out where we want, dress how we want, we don't want a man telling us what to do! If I wanna go to a bar with girls on a Friday night, I can go!

Mashallah

If a woman works she is automatically going to sin?  What about all the medical care professionals, teachers, etc. Do you think the same of them?

if a woman is one of four wives - why cant she also be a contributing member to society in the wider world?

Edited by Maryaam, 11 March 2012 - 09:47 PM.

[Alejandro Sosa]

If women before you managed to juggle being a good wife, mum, and professional at the same time, so can you and others. The media has poisoned your minds. As I said, these aforementioned women just want truck duddies lol..not worthy of any respect at all imo

[Maryaam]

Alejandro Sosa, on 11 March 2012 - 09:47 PM, said:

If women before you managed to juggle being a good wife, mum, and professional at the same time, so can you and others. The media has poisoned your minds. As I said, these aforementioned women just want truck duddies lol..not worthy of any respect at all imo

So if she doesnt work outside the home is she no longer a truck buddy in her one night in four polygamous relationship?  Is that the defining feature?

[Waiting for HIM]

All of you opposers have either a larger than a truck ego or do not have the capacity to understand Islam's comprehensiveness.

Just use your imagination and you will find thousands of legitimate reasons where one husband and multiple wives would make much more sense. Thank Allah (swt) that he made you born in Islam.

[Aarash_Australia]

Waiting for HIM, on 11 March 2012 - 09:54 PM, said:

All of you opposers have either a larger than a truck ego or do not have the capacity to understand Islam's comprehensiveness.

Just use your imagination and you will find thousands of legitimate reasons where one husband and multiple wives would make much more sense. Thank Allah (swt) that he made you born in Islam.

you just don't do irony, do you?

[Aqua]

Quote

They are stating what they want; we are making the judgement of ego here. Do you consider polygamy selfish?

Depends on the situation. I understand why polygamy is necessary sometimes, like during the Prophet's time . But does a guy really NEED more than one wife? It just seems like an indulgence to me. And you know, I have met men who have more than one wife, and let me tell you, the love and attention does not go around equally. I knew this woman whose husband married another woman, and he neglected her (I think you know what I'm saying) for two years, and she was too shy to talk to him about it.

Granted, there are probably husbands out there who can pass their love and attention around equally to their wives. I guess, if their wives are okay with it to begin with, all the power to them, then.

[Maryaam]

Aqua, on 11 March 2012 - 09:57 PM, said:

Depends on the situation. I understand why polygamy is necessary sometimes, like during the Prophet's time . But does a guy really NEED more than one wife? It just seems like an indulgence to me. And you know, I have met men who have more than one wife, and let me tell you, the love and attention does not go around equally. I knew this woman whose husband married another woman, and he neglected her (I think you know what I'm saying) for two years, and she was too shy to talk to him about it.

Granted, there are probably husbands out there who can pass their love and attention around equally to their wives. I guess, if their wives are okay with it to begin with, all the power to them, then.

Well I dont know who "needs" what. I do know that polygamy is permitted and it is not for us to judge others who practice it. It would be very hard to be equal to all wives and the workload for the man would be huge. He is responsible for taking care of them all. I wouldnt want to do it.

But if Muslims find a way to have a better life through Islam (in this case polygamy) more power to them and we should respect their decision and support it.  If it works for a working woman to have a career and marriage this way, and to have sister wives who would like to care for their children, if they have any, while they are away from the home - again more power to them. The men and women in these cases have made choices blessed in Islam and it is not for us to condemn them based on our personal opinion,

Women are needed in many professions - personally i only go to female doctors - if Isalm can support their ability to work in this capacity, we should be happy for them and for the work they are doing.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Also and not related to the above....

In a polygamous relationship, the husband would have up to 3 other permanent wives so it is highly unlikely that his needs would be neglected.

Edited by Maryaam, 11 March 2012 - 10:25 PM.

[Aqua]

Of course, I totally agree with you about that. It's just, I feel it's really sad that they feel like they have to be married to a man who already has a wife so they don't have to deal with cleaning/cooking/housework, etc. Whatever happened to compromise? It's not dead, you know.

But hey, that's just me. I'm a big fan of marriage consisting of one husband and one wife. If someone thinks they'd be happier in a polygamous marriage - their choice and I hope they're happy with it.

Quote

In a polygamous relationship, the husband would have up to 3 other permanent wives so it is highly unlikely that his needs would be neglected.

Read my post again. I was talking about the wives' needs, not the husband's needs.

Edited by Aqua, 11 March 2012 - 10:18 PM.

[Quranist]

whatttttttttttt?

[Maryaam]

Aqua, on 11 March 2012 - 10:11 PM, said:

Of course, I totally agree with you about that. It's just, I feel it's really sad that they feel like they have to be married to a man who already has a wife so they don't have to deal with cleaning/cooking/housework, etc. Whatever happened to compromise? It's not dead, you know.

But hey, that's just me. I'm a big fan of marriage consisting of one husband and one wife. If someone thinks they'd be happier in a polygamous marriage - their choice and I hope they're happy with it.

I would have a hard time in a polygamous relationship too. It is not for me. But it doesnt matter the reason, They chose polygamy..they are Islamically permitted to do so....it is not conditional based on reason or why it works for them.

and for the woman - she is not Islamically obligated to cook and clean anyway. Most rational couples (or triples or more )  work these things out within the marriage.

Aqua, on 11 March 2012 - 10:11 PM, said:

Read my post again. I was talking about the wives' needs, not the husband's needs.

I know. I just threw that in to address a couple of other posts and did not want to quote them - I will draw a biiig line so it is clear.

[Aqua]

Yeah, I just get really queasy about polygamy. I'd never do it.

[Propaganda_of_the_Deed]

[Propaganda_of_the_Deed]

Maryaam, on 11 March 2012 - 09:10 PM, said:

Women are embracing polygamy; men should be pleased with this. There is nothing Islamically wrong with what they are doing. It is meeting a need for both husband and wife.

Needs to be more like you

[OneNoteSong]

I don't see why ppl automatically assume that just because a woman wants to work outside the home, she has an ego problem, that she thinks she is too good to stay at home. Also, working outside the home is not a breech of modesty,  as long as the lady does proper hijab.

Please remember, it is not a woman's job to do cooking/cleaning/housework...that is the man's job. I don't understand why she can't make the choice to work outside the home if she has all this free time and decides that cooking/cleaning/housework is not something she wants to do.

Islamically, it is not a woman's job to look after a man....she just has to fulfill him sexually and that is it.

Most men who take multiple wives are the ones who want to have extra "truck duddies."

Why are you guys beating down on women who CHOOSE polygamy?  I thought that is whatyou wanted.

Edited by OneNoteSong, 12 March 2012 - 08:10 AM.

[ImAli]

OneNoteSong, on 12 March 2012 - 08:03 AM, said:

Why are you guys beating down on women who CHOOSE polygamy?  I thought that is whatyou wanted.

What they want is a harem of women pampering and feeding them grapes...they are after a fantasy that doesn't exist.