88 replies to this topic

[y3qub]

As a male can I just say that I don't understand men who want to take more wives. It's not because they're crazy, but because why would you want to be with someone other than the person you love. And if you don't love your wife, then how do you expect to be able to deal fairly between two or more if you're already biased?

I believe polygamy is allowed as a way of helping women, isn't it? (I'm a convert to Islam, so I'm shaky on the details, I can only recount things I have heard.) That is, if women needed someone to support them, etc, then it was permissible? I guess it's kind of like social welfare.

That is my opinion anyhow (and I pray it's an acceptable one).

[mrsalaboosi3]

No I wouldn't allow this. Alhamdillilah my husband only wants one. He says I am all the woman that he needs. He is a very sympathetic and understanding person. He knows he would feel extremely hurt and sad. So he wouldnt want to make me feel the same. But I told him just in case he changed his mind if he wanted to take on another wife, I would divorce him. Its my right and decision to take. Allah made polyandry allowable not recommended. And since my husband knows how I feel about it, he will not be surprised if he gets served with divorce papers. I love my husband, but I love myself too, and im not gonna put myself in an uncomfortable situation, especially since we have kids. I have more respect for myself.

y3qub, on 02 February 2012 - 06:29 AM, said:

As a male can I just say that I don't understand men who want to take more wives. It's not because they're crazy, but because why would you want to be with someone other than the person you love. And if you don't love your wife, then how do you expect to be able to deal fairly between two or more if you're already biased?

I believe polygamy is allowed as a way of helping women, isn't it? (I'm a convert to Islam, so I'm shaky on the details, I can only recount things I have heard.) That is, if women needed someone to support them, etc, then it was permissible? I guess it's kind of like social welfare.

That is my opinion anyhow (and I pray it's an acceptable one).

Alhamdillilah brother. Im so glad you said this. My husband is the same way. He says he is in love with me so why would he need another. And your right. The purpose of having another wife is if a women is in need, maybe her husband died and she has children. But not for the purpose of self gratification. Were women not property.

[md. ammar ali]

RoAcHy, on 30 January 2012 - 05:33 AM, said:

One woman gives a huge headache. Who would want two?

i second that

[AlHamdulillah110]

i would want my husband to only have me as a wife. Ive heard of way to many problems between wives of the same husband and i dont want to get into that. Personally i dont think i could cope if i married a man with another wife because it might cause unfairness in the relationship, i would want him to have eyes for only  me and no one else.

Edited by AlHamdulillah110, 22 March 2012 - 08:27 PM.

[Gypsy]

mrsalaboosi3, on 04 March 2012 - 11:15 PM, said:

My husband is the same way. He says he is in love with me so why would he need another. And your right. The purpose of having another wife is if a women is in need, maybe her husband died and she has children. But not for the purpose of self gratification. Were women not property.

Same here. My husband is crazy about me. He wouldn’t dream of another woman.

If he wants to help a single mother (divorcee or widow), he’ll just ask me to write a check to her, every month if he has too. He doesn’t believe in sex for money or having multiple wives.

[alshemary]

Yep 1s certainly enough.. The prophet our role model taught us through his life that monogamy is more common in islam than polygamy by marrying and sticking to khadija and only khadija for 26 year! Compared to his other short polygamy life

[hasanhh]

varun loves ahlulbayt, on 22 March 2012 - 07:49 AM, said:

i second that     ---about headaches

My first wife, Milakimoon (boxer), was given veto power in our marriage contract.

So when the Second shows-up to ask me, I told her the truth about the contract and that she had to talk to Milakimoon before we talked any further. Which also gave me time to think about it.

So Milakimoon later said, this will work with these conditions: same mahr, seperate new house,... not many, really.

These two must have talked the entire two weeks.
You know? There must be some super secret school that women go to that we men never hear about...
Second starts talking to me like she is a near clone to Milakimoon. And I am only in preliminary discussions.
The same rules about the house.... well, that makes things easy to remember. [I think I was at this point I found out what her family name is. It's like riding on Amtrack (being railroaded) into something.]

After a month, we got everything worked out. Married by mosque...

Now I have found a THIRD, the name is "men's club".

[Aly ReZa]

who wants to admit in a mental hosp

[ImAli]

hasanhh, on 23 April 2012 - 11:14 PM, said:

Now I have found a THIRD, the name is "men's club".

gay marriage is haram

[OneNoteSong]

Haydar, a woman doesn't have to have a good reason to divorce her husband...she can even just stop being attracted to him. And I know my attraction for my husband would go from 60 to 0 the moment he married another woman. So, a divorce in this case  would be totally Islamic and unpunishable in the hereafter.

[Haydar Husayn]

OneNoteSong, on 24 April 2012 - 11:49 AM, said:

Haydar, a woman doesn't have to have a good reason to divorce her husband...she can even just stop being attracted to him. And I know my attraction for my husband would go from 60 to 0 the moment he married another woman. So, a divorce in this case  would be totally Islamic and unpunishable in the hereafter.

Where do you get this from? It is well known that there is nothing more hated of what is permitted than divorce. So how can divorcing someone for trivial reasons (from the Islamic point of view) be ok? And if this divorce leads to further negative consequences (for the children for example), then I don't see why the mother shouldn't be held responsible for that.

Anyway, women have no unilateral right of divorce. They can go to a judge to seek one, in exchange for giving up some property or money, but it's up to the judge if he wants to grant it or not. I don't know if he is forced to grant one just because the wife is very persistent.

[OneNoteSong]

More and more girls these days are putting the right to a unilateral divorce in their marriage contracts, so they do have that right.

A girl can divorce her husband if he is not fulfilling his responsibilities toward her. And I know no man can fulfill his responsibilities toward me if he has more than one wife. I know I am just going to make too needy of a wife, lol.

[Gypsy]

Based on a fatwa from Sistani posted in this thread, woman can have the power of attorney to divorce herself.

Quote

2. Is it permissible for the wife to stipulate in the marital contract that she have power of attorney in divorcing herself from her husband?
2. Permissible

[Haydar Husayn]

She can ask for it to be put in the marriage contract. The man doesn't have to agree to it though.

Personally, I would never agree to such a condition, on principle, even though I have no desire to have several wives. Although the following ahadith don't deal exactly with this condition, in spirit they seem the same to me. I believe the nikah contract should be as Allah intended it, and if He intended for women to have the right of divorce, then He would have given it from the start.

1 – Muhammad b. Ya`qub from Muhammad b. Yahya from Ahmad b. Muhammad from `Ali b. al-Hakam from `Abdullah al-Kahili from Hammada bint al-Hasan – the sister of Abu `Ubayda al-Hadha. She said: I asked Abu `Abdillah ( عليه السلام ) about a man who marries a woman and makes a condition for her that he will not marry (another woman) upon her (meaning, marry another woman while he is married to her), and she be pleased with that as her mahr? She said: So Abu `Abdillah ( عليه السلام ) said: That condition (shart, stipulation) is corrupt (fasid). Marriage is not but upon a dirham or two dirhams.

2 – And from him from Ahmad from `Ali b. al-Hakam from Musa b. Bakr from Zurara that Daris, under him (i.e. married to him) was the daughter of Hamran. So he put for her that he would not marry (another woman) upon her, and never take a concubine  during her life and not after her death, upon (the condition) that she put for him that she never marry (again) after him, and they put upon them(selves) (that they would give) from the hadi, and the hajj, and the badan, and all the property they have to the needy if each one of them did not fulfill (the agreement) with the their companion. Then he came to Abu `Abdillah ( عليه السلام ) and mentioned that to him. So he said: Verily the daughter of Hamran has a right, and that would not bear us that we not say to you the truth (trans. note: I'm unclear what the preceding expression means). Go and marry and take a concubine, for that is nothing and there is nothing upon you nor upon her. And that which you (two) made is nothing. So he went and took a concubine, and there were children born to him after that.

4 – And from him from Ayyub b. Nuh from Safwan b. Yahya from Mansur Buzurj from a righteous servant ( عليه السلام ). He said: I said to him: A man from your mawali married a woman then he divorced her and she was separated from him. So he wanted to return to her but she refused him unless he put for Allah upon him(self) that he would not divorce her and not marry (another woman) upon her. So he gave her that, then it appeared (seemly) to him regarding marriage (to someone else) after that, so how is he to act? So he said: (How) wretchedly he has done! And what would have let him know what would occur in his heart by night and by day? Say to him: So he is to fulfill her condition for the woman, for verily the Messenger of Allah ( صلى الله عليه وآله ) said: The believers are with their conditions.

6 – For `Ayyashi in his Tafsir: From Ibn Muslim from Abu Ja`far ( عليه السلام ). He said: Amir al-Mu'mineen ( عليه السلام ) ruled in regards to a woman who a man married and put a condition upon her and upon her family that if he marry (another) woman upon her or emigrate her or come upon her (with) a concubine, then she is divorced. So he said: The condition of Allah is prior to your condition. If he wants, he fulfills in his condition and if he wants he withholds it from his wife and marries (another) upon her and take a concubine upon her and emigrates her if she comes by way of that (?). Allah ta`ala said in His book “marry what seems good to you of women, by twos, or threes, or fours” And He said “permitted for you is what you right hand possesses” And He said “and those whose recalcitrance you fear” (to the rest of) the ayat.

http://www.tashayyu....mahr/chapter-20

[OneNoteSong]

She doesn't have to marry him if he doesn't agree to the terms.

[Haydar Husayn]

OneNoteSong, on 24 April 2012 - 04:29 PM, said:

She doesn't have to marry him if he doesn't agree to the terms.

Of course not. There are so many great Shia men out there, I'm sure she can afford to be so picky.

[OneNoteSong]

Maybe she's waiting for the guy who will agree to those conditions.

[Haydar Husayn]

OneNoteSong, on 24 April 2012 - 04:36 PM, said:

Maybe she's waiting for the guy who will agree to those conditions.

If that's her main condition in order to agree to marry someone, then she's got problems.

[OneNoteSong]

Nah, I've got guys who agree to those kinds of conditions...I'm just looking for the RIGHT guy. And I'm willing to compromise on certain issues, such as marrying a recent immigrant, as long as he is willing to agree to such conditions.

The spirit of the contract allows women to put in a clause giving them the right to initiate divorce. That is not contrary at all to the spirit. If you say that a woman can't put in any conditions at all, then that is un-Islamic because the spirit allows for it.

Edited by OneNoteSong, 24 April 2012 - 05:08 PM.

[Allahuakbar]

Zahratul_Islam, on 24 April 2012 - 04:50 PM, said:

In summation.

Mwahaha. I was having an annoying day until I read this reply. Allah blessss yous.

[Mutah_King]

Oh please, get all that sentimental rubbish out of here. No one cares, its all irrelevant to the topic at hand.   It is our god given right, no one can take it away and a proper muslimah should not deny a man his god given right.  Who cares about the spirit of a contract? It means nothing if it goes against the spirit of divine sharia allazmatullah.   End of story.  Level all the threats you want, just remember your man gets to pick between you and 70 as fine as can be hooris who would work prime-time and overtime to please him.  I would advise you to proceed with caution.

[Ugly Jinn]

It's evolution and/or modern influence which is causing jealousy among Muslim women.

Not saying it's good or bad, but it's reality now. Women have more prerequisites now, unlike before.

This 'change' has nothing to do with Islam though.

[Gypsy]

I'm pretty sure monogamous marriage were available back in the old days.