38 replies to this topic

[Incognito]

Not that I have any plans for marriage or anything of the sort any time soon, but just thinking about it gets me a little frightened.

I am sure that it is a common feeling amongst the non-muslims and such but what about for the Muslim men? Or women?

How should one deal with it?

[shia_warrior92]

its scary... because you don't know whats to come... who it will be. I guess you just have to make sure you use all the resources, mind etc to find the right person. InshAAllah once you have a good foundation, you don't need to be scared. it is very likely for one to be nervous, but once the marriage takes
place the fear drops as you get to know the person. Allah will help you.

[Mutah_King]

Of course it is frightening

Turn to your room for a goods night sleep... shes there
Switch sides on your bed to get to the cold side... shes there
Jump on the couch to watch Monday night football... shes there
Want to take a lone vacation to the bahamas,.. shes there
Pick up your phone expecting the winning lottery numbers.. its her
Want to finish up that left over pie from last night... its gone
Got plans for a Sunday out with the homeboys... no chance

She is here, there and gotta take her everywhere for the rest of your life and you cant get away, damn rights its scary, especially if she has an annoying voice and likes to nag and yell.

[chador-lover]

Salaam,

This doesn't totally answer your question but this article is quite a beneficial read if you haven't already come across it.

[ireallywannaknow]

Mutah_King, on 21 January 2012 - 08:01 PM, said:

Of course it is frightening

Turn to your room for a goods night sleep... shes there
Switch sides on your bed to get to the cold side... shes there
Jump on the couch to watch Monday night football... shes there
Want to take a lone vacation to the bahamas,.. shes there
Pick up your phone expecting the winning lottery numbers.. its her
Want to finish up that left over pie from last night... its gone
Got plans for a Sunday out with the homeboys... no chance

She is here, there and gotta take her everywhere for the rest of your life and you cant get away, damn rights its scary, especially if she has an annoying voice and likes to nag and yell.

Geez, that is frightening....

[AG15]

I wouldn't be....that's why the perfect wife must be able to watch sports and talk politics, as well as cook....

[3laweyaZainabiya]

Mutah_King, on 21 January 2012 - 08:01 PM, said:

Of course it is frightening

Turn to your room for a goods night sleep... shes there
Switch sides on your bed to get to the cold side... shes there
Jump on the couch to watch Monday night football... shes there
Want to take a lone vacation to the bahamas,.. shes there
Pick up your phone expecting the winning lottery numbers.. its her
Want to finish up that left over pie from last night... its gone
Got plans for a Sunday out with the homeboys... no chance

She is here, there and gotta take her everywhere for the rest of your life and you cant get away, damn rights its scary, especially if she has an annoying voice and likes to nag and yell.

My God... You make us sound terrifying! Plus who said us women wanna be around you 24/7??
Any sensible woman would want some time to herself too.

To the OP: insha'Allah when you do get married, you get married to a woman who will be more than just a wife. She'll be your partner and you'll both go through the ups and downs of life together. Also I think it would be easier for you if you trusted the woman so maybe you should get to know the woman before getting married?

AG15, on 21 January 2012 - 08:23 PM, said:

I wouldn't be....that's why the perfect wife must be able to watch sports and talk politics, as well as cook....

See? Smart guy. Lol

[titumir]

I've decided that when I marry I'll teach her how to play Rome: Total War, and finally be able to play it multiplayer. And if she doesn't watnt to play, I'll "beat her lightly" with a miswak until she corrects her behaviour.

[3laweyaZainabiya]

titumir, on 22 January 2012 - 02:27 AM, said:

I've decided that when I marry I'll teach her how to play Rome: Total War, and finally be able to play it multiplayer. And if she doesn't watnt to play, I'll "beat her lightly" with a miswak until she corrects her behaviour.

That made me laugh. Lol I could See that happening xD

[kim.tinkerbell]

Incognito, on 21 January 2012 - 06:30 PM, said:

How should one deal with it?

Run.....

Your freedom is kind of taken away , its scary and annoying. Specially if they dont give you space to do what you want......

[3laweyaZainabiya]

kim.tinkerbell, on 22 January 2012 - 06:10 PM, said:

Run.....

Your freedom is kind of taken away , its scary and annoying. Specially if they dont give you space to do what you want......

So you're saying he shouldn't get married? Btw the whole idea of being afraid of commitment is a western idea.

[kim.tinkerbell]

No am not saying the op should not get married. However if your unable to commit then you shouldnt enter a relationship because it may destroy the other person.

You seem to think that everything a person does is based with culture and west. Their is a feeling within you that holds you back from commitment. Its a huge decision to make , its like signing for a work contract , you have to agree to do certain things. But if you dont want to be tied down because of someone or something then you will rather back away from it.

Commiting to a person is not easy...... They hold you back sometimes....

[3laweyaZainabiya]

Heavenly Peace, on 23 January 2012 - 11:53 AM, said:

Enough with the west...you always have to bring that up when you disagree with someone.

That's because many of these people are strongly influenced by the west and sometimes they don't even know it. I don't know if you've noticed but most of the western ideology is completely unislamic. Lol hell, the Arab ideology is sometimes unislamic.
If you've watch any show in the west you've seen the typical guy being afraid of commitment because of how this woman is going to limit him.
We aren't westerners, we're Muslims. Let's start thinking like Muslims.

kim.tinkerbell, on 22 January 2012 - 07:03 PM, said:

No am not saying the op should not get married. However if your unable to commit then you shouldnt enter a relationship because it may destroy the other person.

You seem to think that everything a person does is based with culture and west. Their is a feeling within you that holds you back from commitment. Its a huge decision to make , its like signing for a work contract , you have to agree to do certain things. But if you dont want to be tied down because of someone or something then you will rather back away from it.

Commiting to a person is not easy...... They hold you back sometimes....

What do you mean by "committing to a person is not easy?"
They hold you back from what??
Career? You either wait to get married or get married to someone who's willing to put up with you job.
Living life? Who wants to live life alone? You can also find someone who wants to do the same things you want.

[Baka]

Weststruck!!!

[Marbles]

tazaabha, on 21 January 2012 - 08:20 PM, said:

Geez, that is frightening....

The feelings are mutual alright

[Saintly_Jinn23]

I'm not enthusiastic about marriage because I don't trust women, plain and simple.

[Baka]

Saintly_Jinn23, on 24 January 2012 - 01:03 PM, said:

I'm not enthusiastic about marriage because I don't trust women, plain and simple.

Why not?

[Saintly_Jinn23]

Aghachan, on 24 January 2012 - 01:33 PM, said:

Why not?

Cause they're mostly trouble makers from my experience and tend to be very insincere and manipulative.  I guess there are a few women I trust, but these I prefer to keep them at arm's distance for my own well being.

Edited by Saintly_Jinn23, 24 January 2012 - 02:00 PM.

[HellHound]

Saintly_Jinn23, on 24 January 2012 - 02:00 PM, said:

Cause they're mostly trouble makers from my experience and tend to be very insincere and manipulative.  I guess there are a few women I trust, but these I prefer to keep them at arm's distance for my own well being.

Come on bro... Not all the women are bad. And I consider women an eternal blessing. Wouldn't you want a wife you would treat like an angel and she reciprocates that love? I know I do.

[kim.tinkerbell]

3laweyaZainabiya, on 24 January 2012 - 07:34 AM, said:

What do you mean by "committing to a person is not easy?"
They hold you back from what??
Career? You either wait to get married or get married to someone who's willing to put up with you job.
Living life? Who wants to live life alone? You can also find someone who wants to do the same things you want.

No one wants to live alone, so you dont need to say stuff that havnt been said but thats what majority of muslim do including you say stuff that no one said and this is the second time you do this. So I take it its part of islam to twist and add words? Or culture?

We are born to be with eacherother but when we are physical and mentaily ready ,then we should enter a relationship. If your not ready and you enter it then you feel trapped. They can hold you back, say you wanted to go out to do something vitul but he says no and you walk out, then you have hurt him and god will not be happy with you and you would feel gulity but you felt the need to go. Then you have the contract that you have agreed to go by yet you cant or arint ready to do one of the things.

The person might not want you to do certain things that you been doing for years, then if your not ready to change some things its best if you dont enter it , you will hurt him and yourself...

Its a fear within us , some one else is with you and the action you do can affect them. Yor very narrow minded , so you wouldnt get what others mean.

You shouldnt really talk about acting or thinking like muslim because no one is perfect and no one is in  a position to speak or shame others, look at your self 1st then tell others.

Theres no point explaining to you because your still in a box and you think that all people are influnced by culture and you eliment perference. When khadja ra ask for the had of the propht(pbup) was that culture or peference ?  This idea is used more in the west does that mean she had a west mentality?

Seriously some of you need to stop with throwing all the ways people think on culture and move out of the cave your in, look at the bigger picture....

Majority of muslims fail to do this...........

[Saintly_Jinn23]

Replicant, on 24 January 2012 - 02:13 PM, said:

Come on bro... Not all the women are bad. And I consider women an eternal blessing. Wouldn't you want a wife you would treat like an angel and she reciprocates that love? I know I do.

I wouldn't mind, but I've yet to meet a woman whom I see as suitable, even for mutah. Also, I think a lot of young men get too caught up in the passion of a romantic relationship with a woman, that they accord her a love and romance and attention that belongs only to God and just forget God. It's not so much commitment I'm afraid of so much as it is attachment. Women in this day and age, from my experience, more often distract and deter a man from his religion.

I see a lot of young men, including myself in the past, ruin themselves and miss out on greater opportunities because they are so concerned with winning or keeping the heart of some woman either because they feel pressured by society to do so or because they can't find peace in religion and need something to fill a void in themselves.

I find such men to be especially weak and codependent, not to mention constantly miserable.

[kim.tinkerbell]

Saintly_Jinn23, on 24 January 2012 - 02:40 PM, said:

I wouldn't mind, but I've yet to meet a woman whom I see as suitable, even for mutah. Also, I think a lot of young men get too caught up in the passion of a romantic relationship with a woman, that they accord her a love and romance and attention that belongs only to God and just forget God. It's not so much commitment I'm afraid of so much as it is attachment. Women in this day and age, from my experience, more often distract and deter a man from his religion.

I see a lot of young men, including myself in the past, ruin themselves and miss out on greater opportunities because they are so concerned with winning or keeping the heart of some woman either because they feel pressured by society to do so or because they can't find peace in religion and need something to fill a void in themselves.

I find such men to be especially weak and codependent, not to mention constantly miserable.

So woman are like jinns and men are angels?

[Saintly_Jinn23]

kim.tinkerbell, on 24 January 2012 - 02:56 PM, said:

So woman are like jinns and men are angels?

No, I just think that men who have this incessant "need" for a sexual relationship with a woman weaken the gender. Also, I feel many women who otherwise are too weak and stupid to survive in the world with their own skills and intellect find men like this to manipulate and exploit so they live at the expense of some unsuspecting male who has maternity issues and can't handle living without a woman by his side 24/7.

[kim.tinkerbell]

Fair enough....... Jin 23......

[fahimah18]

''Of course it is frightening

Turn to your room for a goods night sleep... shes there
Switch sides on your bed to get to the cold side... shes there
Jump on the couch to watch Monday night football... shes there
Want to take a lone vacation to the bahamas,.. shes there
Pick up your phone expecting the winning lottery numbers.. its her
Want to finish up that left over pie from last night... its gone
Got plans for a Sunday out with the homeboys... no chance

She is here, there and gotta take her everywhere for the rest of your life and you cant get away, damn rights its scary, especially if she has an annoying voice and likes to nag and yell.''

Well if your that worried Mutah-King, the dont get married. And your literally overexagerrating, a woman has lots of stuff to do daily, rather than sticking with bthe husband 24/7

Saintly_Jinn23, on 24 January 2012 - 01:03 PM, said:

I'm not enthusiastic about marriage because I don't trust women, plain and simple.

Not that all woman trust men, so dont worry its two sided