43 replies to this topic

[kim.tinkerbell]

noo reply huh beacuse you know its true ...................

Edited by kim.tinkerbell, 14 November 2011 - 01:58 PM.

[inshaAllah]

Italianamuslima, on 21 October 2011 - 04:02 AM, said:

Salam all, i just cant understand how/why muslims can do mutah/or not and live, eat, sleep, share bills/money, be physically intimite with someone share every aspect of your lives together but then when it come to family to keep it separate/secert how is it acceptable isnt it alomost demoralising your partner?? and what are the persons intentions behind the secercy? because they dont want the family to know they done one? because they dont plan on staying with that person? also if Mutah is halal why be scared of ur family to know who or that u have done mutah with someone? If your not ashamed or embarresed by Allah who are the Family compared to God??

You can atleast trust God to believe in your pure intentions and act of sincerity but you can't trust or convince a community of Indo-Pak/Persian/Arabic uncles & aunties who may theoretically believe in the concept of mutah however choose to follow the taboo; i-e mutah being a practice which brings shame and disrespect to the family or which brings way too many troubles to deal with if you are a minority living in a country of majority of muslims who consider it as an act of fornication.

[Ali H Syed]

kim.tinkerbell, on 14 November 2011 - 01:58 PM, said:

noo reply huh beacuse you know its true ...................

i have responsibilities i attend to... im not on sc every second, my apologies for replying now,
and no it does not state there has to be a specific reason for a mutah, if i do it for fun, thats up to me... there is no ruling against that.

[kim.tinkerbell]

yeh nor am i on shia chat day and night like some people you get me lool ......

i have uni work to ....

sister Italianamuslima

Have you asked the men that you want to do muta with if he is married or not ??

May be and may be i am wrong , he might be married and that why he is keeping it a secret ............................

[ImAli]

kim.tinkerbell, on 14 November 2011 - 02:36 PM, said:

Have you asked the men that you want to do muta with if he is married or not ??

May be and may be i am wrong , he might be married and that why he is keeping it a secret ............................

This is true....I have seen it with my own eyes. I know some men come here (to the U.S.) and they do mutah with a girl and sometimes they even marry them in the court and she never really understands that they should do nikkah (he never even explains to her)......so she thinks that a civil marriage is enough, but it is not in his eyes. I know some of them for a fact they have a wife back home and even kids....and the new girl never knows about it, I don't know if the wife back home knows or not.....but probably she doesn't know either. Then usually this girl is working too and paying alot of bills that should be his responsibility, sometimes co-signing on things so he can get credit easier, and even gives him gifts and everything.........because of this girl helping him so much he hides alot of money and sometimes even borrows some from the girl for a stupid made up reason and sends it all to his wife back home. Anyway I am not trying to hurt anyone's feelings.....but I have seen this with my own eyes more than once and have heard stories that my husband tells me about people he knows......one time my husband even said he will kill me (meaning he will be very angry with me) if I tell anyone back home that this guy is living with this girl here . So anyway sisters please watch out for yourself, and any sister wondering why you are being kept a secret or never met his mom and dad.......you should ask more questions and investigate.

Edited by ImAli, 14 November 2011 - 04:42 PM.

[abumuslim]

If you ask me really.  I would say that one would be ashamed to admit that one has indulged into mutaa since the society doesn't accept it.  And the reason why society doesn't accept it is because that it has not been in practice for 1400 years.

And according to me there is only one person to blame.  The stupid tyrant who came up with the idea that he can forbid people from indulging into mutaa through an executive order.  Who thought that his intellect is above Allah's and Rasool's.

[alimohamad40]

abumuslim, on 15 November 2011 - 06:40 AM, said:

If you ask me really.  I would say that one would be ashamed to admit that one has indulged into mutaa since the society doesn't accept it.  And the reason why society doesn't accept it is because that it has not been in practice for 1400 years.

And according to me there is only one person to blame.  The stupid tyrant who came up with the idea that he can forbid people from indulging into mutaa through an executive order.  Who thought that his intellect is above Allah's and Rasool's.

you cant blame only that tyrant, what about people today who follow his footsteps and look down at this practice and demonize it ?  are they less guilty than him?

[DeeeeeBo]

i have to agree here

mut3a should be more in the open !!!!!

there shouldnt be any shame in it !!!

If your worried about your wife finding out, then well thats your problem to deal with !!!!

But one thing i agree with is, if it wasnt "banned" then we would be in a better place right now !

Allah is Just, and everyone shall be paid their due

Salam

[Çåá ÇáÈíÊ]

The reason society doesn't accept it is because they're ignorant and live in their own 'confirmation bias' bubble.. Simple as.

alimohamad40, on 19 November 2011 - 03:19 AM, said:

you cant blame only that tyrant, what about people today who follow his footsteps and look down at this practice and demonize it ?  are they less guilty than him?

Yh, but he started it.

[Italianamuslima]

hawdini, on 13 November 2011 - 03:32 PM, said:

I dont understand why u wouldnt want to be secret about it. Do you really want to let the whole world know that you had several mutahs, cause that doesnt really come across stable to me. Its not like you people are eagered to do a permanent marriage with someone who did a couple of mutahs(thinking about the emotional baggage they might carry,already have maybe had sexual relations with someone(physical contact). I think most people (like me) want someone  who has not had al these contacts with the opposite sex, so that when they do permanently get married theyll both go on the journey together fresh. I think thats much better for ur relationship as well. So yeah thats why i think people are secretive about it, because most people are like me =) And there is nothing wrong with that.

In my utopian world that is.

1.Are you asking me why wouldnt i want to be secert about it? if so why would i? im 22 years old Italian Australian woman living in Australia, i converted to islam 3 years ago and have been in a "Mutah" relationship with this afghan man for 4 years we live together share friends and my family, i have only met 2 of his brothers, and he doesnt get involved with the afghan or muslim community he rather practice at home, we are engaged in the western culture but have not clearly set a permenant marraige date etc its all abit vauge thats my concern i suppose i wanted to know what is normal or common i suppose in these types of situations.
2. Several mutah?? what where did i say i had several?? thats weird, makes you say that???
fair enough ur entittled to ur opinion, having ur mother and father arrange ur marraige to a perfect little virgin girl from the same cultural background sounds just perfect doesnt it, but just like silly westerners nothing in life is perfect and just coz a man and a woman who have never been with or talked to the opposite sex doesnt mean that the fresh relationship will be any more perfect then people who have had interactions, thats pretty judgemental.

Salam thanks everyone for your insight, im still not 100% as to where we are at with the permenant nikkah happening, but inshallah i will talk with him wen he returns from his interstate work, may Allah guide us.
Wasalam

[Aryan Warrior]

I haven't personally done mutah yet, though I am hoping to do so one day, but I would like to add in my own 2 cents as a shia living in the west.

Basically considering that the west likes to instead go into girlfriend/boyfriend relationships, Mutah is clearly not common. Thus if I were to for example go into a mutah and go around telling others that is marriage, everyone will give me a weird look of a disapproval. Thus simply calling it a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship I think is what one would do while keeping the idea that its a temporary marriage only to God and amongst the couple in the relationship, while not being looked upon weirdly by the public.

[Italianamuslima]

Muta is already like a bf gf relationship the only difference between a typical western bf and gf relationship and a muta one are the words you both say which as ive read everywere makes all the difference okay thats great,

but legally, emotionlly and socially you are not recongnised as anything more then a bf and gf, its not near as respectful as marraige, and most pple would say that yeah for the girl it looks worse, but i know that most of us women also dont attribute a high opinion or that much respect towards any muslim men that go about with women that they are not married to, even when its a mutah since most pple wouldnt know it anyway.

At the end of the day its upto the individual.

[alimohamad40]

Aryan Warrior, on 13 December 2011 - 10:47 AM, said:

I haven't personally done mutah yet, though I am hoping to do so one day, but I would like to add in my own 2 cents as a shia living in the west.

Basically considering that the west likes to instead go into girlfriend/boyfriend relationships, Mutah is clearly not common. Thus if I were to for example go into a mutah and go around telling others that is marriage, everyone will give me a weird look of a disapproval. Thus simply calling it a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship I think is what one would do while keeping the idea that its a temporary marriage only to God and amongst the couple in the relationship, while not being looked upon weirdly by the public.

brother that's not good, don't call it boyfriend girlfriend because the definition of boyfriend girlfriend unfortunately involves fornication

Call it marriage

dont worry about weird looks that you get from the advocates of fornication because their opinion is not worthy , the way to dawa  is to call it marriage

[Aryan Warrior]

alimohamad40, on 16 December 2011 - 06:55 AM, said:

brother that's not good, don't call it boyfriend girlfriend because the definition of boyfriend girlfriend unfortunately involves fornication

Call it marriage

dont worry about weird looks that you get from the advocates of fornication because their opinion is not worthy , the way to dawa  is to call it marriage

No a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship doesn't always involve fornification. There are many Christians for example who are in one and don't fornicate till after marriage.

As a fellow sister said up there its just a a legal boyfriend/girlfriend relationship basically, so being in the west and amongsts westerners (especially if the one i'm with would be a westerner too) I would see it best to say it is a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship afterall. As long as God knows it, that is all that should matter I would think.

Remember the Imams themselves hid their mutahs during that time afterall, so why can't I when I do it in order to avoid social panic.

[alimohamad40]

brother you say social panic because no one is taking the burden to teach the society

if we beat around the bush and dont call it marriage we are escaping from the dawa part  but i know why you say this because you problem think people will look at it weird but believe me they will be more interested if it becomes a phenomena (which is not and its our duty to make it)

imagine all our young men make it a phenomena and advocate that they never make relations with girls without marriage contracts???
girls will start respecting us and will say these are civilized and organized people and don't behave like animals


girls would feel valued in  marriage rather than a boyfriend relationship.


you need to outsmart them and make them feel like they are the weird ones for normalizing fornication relationships


I always do like that,  you are the one doing the right thing so you don't need to be shy they do,
its hard because we are not doing our duty and we are more concerned about what people will feel or think rather than work to normalize marriage in the society...

also you say that girlfriend boyfriend is possible but its not...  which healthy couple would be in that situation and will not fall into sin? why do they even put them self in that haraam situation?   fornication is not just the one that would require the punishment but there are many other fortification like that of the eye and of the organs.

salaam

[GaDGvem]

The authoritative message , cognitively...

[a.shia.muslim.brother.110]

Salam u alaykom all,

Sorry to be a bit off the topic. But, I'm actually looking for a true Shia revert wife.

Please feel free to contact me for more details:

a.shia.muslim.brother.110@gmail.com

assalam u alaykom

[Hasan0404]

Mutta is a justified and proven Islamic institution. As for the apparent stigma attached to it, we are to be blamed. There are many examples. e.g if I ask my parents that I wanna get married, they will consider me a shameless brat though there will be nothing wrong in asking for marriage. A widow cant ask for marriage though she has the right cuz she is afraid of being called bad names. Parents are shy even to tell their childern the basic rulings regarding Taharah, so there is something (many things) wrong with the way we think.

[Fatima Hussain]

I was in mutah with my husband for over two years before we got permanently married.  I only told two people about us being in mutah.  The reason I didn't tell anyone was because, well, Sunnis would probably call me a prostitute and Shi'as would judge me.