43 replies to this topic

[Italianamuslima]

Salam all, i just cant understand how/why muslims can do mutah/or not and live, eat, sleep, share bills/money, be physically intimite with someone share every aspect of your lives together but then when it come to family to keep it separate/secert how is it acceptable isnt it alomost demoralising your partner?? and what are the persons intentions behind the secercy? because they dont want the family to know they done one? because they dont plan on staying with that person? also if Mutah is halal why be scared of ur family to know who or that u have done mutah with someone? If your not ashamed or embarresed by Allah who are the Family compared to God??

  So im just wondering if Mutah is okay, why arnt  people proud to say they have done Mutah with this person, when asked why/how a muslim man and woman are together without marraige, ive never come across a muslim man and woman who are in a mutah they are all married.

Also is anyone here in a Mutah relationship with a muslim woman and do you both feel proud/comfortable to annouce it when people question how you are together, as a woman i have to admit i feel embarresed to tell my muslim sisters that im in a Mutah i say that im married i dont like feeling lower then them coz there man married them and im a temp lol,  i would rather be married then in a Mutah, is it wrong of me to feel like this?? it makes me feel like i cant plan my future properly and keep second guessing my worth and the worth of the relationship and his itentions anyhow  thanks.

[gogiison2]

http://www.shiachat....ost__p__2283957

[Haydar Husayn]

Italianamuslima, on 21 October 2011 - 04:02 AM, said:

Salam all, i just cant understand how/why muslims can do mutah/or not and live, eat, sleep, share bills/money, be physically intimite with someone share every aspect of your lives together but then when it come to family to keep it separate/secert how is it acceptable isnt it alomost demoralising your partner?? and what are the persons intentions behind the secercy? because they dont want the family to know they done one? because they dont plan on staying with that person? also if Mutah is halal why be scared of ur family to know who or that u have done mutah with someone? If your not ashamed or embarresed by Allah who are the Family compared to God??

Probably because most people seem to think there is something shameful in it, so to avoid any scandal, they don't tell anyone. The blame is with the community, not the people that want to keep it secret.

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  So im just wondering if Mutah is okay, why arnt  people proud to say they have done Mutah with this person, when asked why/how a muslim man and woman are together without marraige, ive never come across a muslim man and woman who are in a mutah they are all married.

Again, this is because they don't want to be judged by others. It is especially the girl who would suffer from the negative comments.

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Also is anyone here in a Mutah relationship with a muslim woman and do you both feel proud/comfortable to annouce it when people question how you are together, as a woman i have to admit i feel embarresed to tell my muslim sisters that im in a Mutah i say that im married i dont like feeling lower then them coz there man married them and im a temp lol,  i would rather be married then in a Mutah, is it wrong of me to feel like this?? it makes me feel like i cant plan my future properly and keep second guessing my worth and the worth of the relationship and his itentions anyhow  thanks.

If you are in a temporary marriage, then you shoudn't plan any further than when the contract runs out. It's not a good idea to go into a muta hoping that it will develop into a permanent marriage. If that happens, then all well and good, but if it doesn't then you will be heartbroken. If you would rather be married, then propose marriage.

[gogiison2]

This sort of reminds me how Islam portrays Prophet Eesa's mother, Maryam. Concerning the fatherless child, I don't think she was scared, but rather she didn't want to put up with the slanderous accusations that come from the mouths of the ignorant ones.

[ImAli]

What was the reason or reasons for doing mutah and not nikah? Was this even discussed? Did you tell him that you want to be permanently married? If you didn't tell him maybe you should.

[kim.tinkerbell]

You cant prove he was your men .... The fact that it doesnt need witness.   I guess if she was divorced or widowed then that fine .....

However some gurls might get trick by the boy may say we do mutah for six months and then you might not see his face after that . Then we have honer killings. .  Ofcousre the men wouldnt get the blame it will always be the females fault...... The men can carry on with his life he has nothing to loose right.... But the gurl will lose her reputation and maybe her life too.

Then you have the scenario where the married men wants to do muta sectely so his wife doesnt kill him when she finds out lool

You should enter this relationship if your 100000 % sure you will marry him if your a vrigin anyways......

Why go for muta if your never been married ......what father in his right mind would let his daughter the tahraa go into a muta relationship.    

This secritly business sounds werid and uncomfortable anyways....

If someone truly liked you they should just marry you stright right.... They should want the whole world to know......

[Gypsy]

Haider Husayn, on 21 October 2011 - 09:19 AM, said:

Probably because most people seem to think there is something shameful in it, so to avoid any scandal, they don't tell anyone. The blame is with the community, not the people that want to keep it secret.

I think both the people and the community are responsible on how the Muta is perceived in the community.

You are absolutely right that the community looks at people performing muta in a very negative light. Most of them cant accept the fact that Islam makes it soo easy to get married via the temporary route. Somehow people need to make marriages more complex and complicated than it already is.

And we all know how the majority of the Muslims aka Sunnis loves to promote the Sunnah of their caliphs.

At the same time, people should not hide their relationship as if they are committing something sinful. By hiding your relationship you are only reinforcing the belief that you are ashamed to be in a relationship with that someone. If more people are truthful about this matter, I strongly believe that eventually the community will come around to accept the Muta as a legitimate marriage. That is the way to move forward.

[Gypsy]

Italianamuslima, on 21 October 2011 - 04:02 AM, said:

Also is anyone here in a Mutah relationship with a muslim woman and do you both feel proud/comfortable to annouce it when people question how you are together, as a woman i have to admit i feel embarresed to tell my muslim sisters that im in a Mutah i say that im married i dont like feeling lower then them coz there man married them and im a temp lol,  i would rather be married then in a Mutah, is it wrong of me to feel like this?? it makes me feel like i cant plan my future properly and keep second guessing my worth and the worth of the relationship and his itentions anyhow  thanks.

Many people would feel the way you do. Muta is a temporary marriage. It ends when it ends. If you want something permanent then you should have gone for a permanent marriage. With temporary marriage you don't get the official recognition from the state or the community because temporary marriage is essentially temporary. It can be as short as a few days to a few years.

If you are already living together and paying bills then it makes sense to go for a permanent marriage. The biggest reason to go for a permanent marriage is the reason you mentioned in your post - how do you plan your future properly if the man you are with is only in it for a short term? The second reason is the feeling of insecure - both of you can have one of those serious argument and all he needs to do is say "goodbye" and that is the end of your relationship.

As for the family part, I do agree with you that he should not be hiding you from his family.

Edited by Zareen, 21 October 2011 - 12:25 PM.

[Waiting for HIM]

gogiison2, on 21 October 2011 - 09:43 AM, said:

This sort of reminds me how Islam portrays Prophet Eesa's mother, Maryam. Concerning the fatherless child, I don't think she was scared, but rather she didn't want to put up with the slanderous accusations that come from the mouths of the ignorant ones.

Wow I never thought about this example. You are so right. BIG THANKS...

[alimohamad40]

^^
maryams situation is different , its alot more extreme.
it was a miracle that no one would believe so it was like  a proof  of fornication against her as everyone knows she isn't married
she said i wish i was dead,,,  because it would be so hard to explain to them

[Haydar Husayn]

Zareen, on 21 October 2011 - 12:02 PM, said:

I think both the people and the community are responsible on how the Muta is perceived in the community.

You are absolutely right that the community looks at people performing muta in a very negative light. Most of them cant accept the fact that Islam makes it soo easy to get married via the temporary route. Somehow people need to make marriages more complex and complicated than it already is.

And we all know how the majority of the Muslims aka Sunnis loves to promote the Sunnah of their caliphs.

At the same time, people should not hide their relationship as if they are committing something sinful. By hiding your relationship you are only reinforcing the belief that you are ashamed to be in a relationship with that someone. If more people are truthful about this matter, I strongly believe that eventually the community will come around to accept the Muta as a legitimate marriage. That is the way to move forward.

I think things would be a lot easier if our public speakers and local religious leaders were taking more of a lead on this issue. Instead they don't talk about this much and leave people to their prejudices.

[Çåá ÇáÈíÊ]

Haider Husayn, on 23 October 2011 - 05:46 PM, said:

I think things would be a lot easier if our public speakers and local religious leaders were taking more of a lead on this issue. Instead they don't talk about this much and leave people to their prejudices.

I absolutely 100% agree!

[kim.tinkerbell]

Even if the marja talked about it , its still not going to make a big difference lool

[HellHound]

Haider Husayn, on 23 October 2011 - 05:46 PM, said:

I think things would be a lot easier if our public speakers and local religious leaders were taking more of a lead on this issue. Instead they don't talk about this much and leave people to their prejudices.

That's the problem with the speakers of today. They rarely talk about issues regarding sexuality concerning our youth. That's how people like me suffered unnecessarily celibate lives during teenager years.

kim.tinkerbell, on 27 October 2011 - 05:34 PM, said:

Even if the marja talked about it , its still not going to make a big difference lool

And you know that how? They have NOT talked about it, and that is exactly why we see so many problems in such areas.

[kim.tinkerbell]

Legio Invicta, on 27 October 2011 - 05:52 PM, said:

That's the problem with the speakers of today. They rarely talk about issues regarding sexuality concerning our youth. That's how people like me suffered unnecessarily celibate lives during teenager years.


And you know that how? They have NOT talked about it, and that is exactly why we see so many problems in such areas.

Yes but we know that there are hadiths and that the propht has done it soo its not going to make a big difference beacause people orde know..
Example someone knows that they can marry anyone as long as there muslim but is everyone going to go and marry someone thats not from their ppl.. No

What are the unnessecry stuff you had to go through anyways....

[thabish_110]

As a muslim i would feel uncomfortable from within doing mutah. No disrespect to any rulings, but it feels wrong & unjust.

[Ali H Syed]

thabish_110, on 13 November 2011 - 03:50 AM, said:

As a muslim i would feel uncomfortable from within doing mutah. No disrespect to any rulings, but it feels wrong & unjust.

if you believe in the word of Allah sbwt, you should then not feel it to be wrong or unjust.

imo, CULTURE is mainly to blame.

[ImAli]

I think it is for protection of the female mostly. People will treat her as if she has been sleeping around even though it is a form of marriage. (very unfair since the man will not receive any scratches and be considered a stud by his peers)

[HellHound]

Ali H Syed, on 13 November 2011 - 07:16 AM, said:

if you believe in the word of Allah sbwt, you should then not feel it to be wrong or unjust.

imo, CULTURE is mainly to blame.

And Umar, may Allah have a thousand hell-hounds turn him inside out for destroying the institution which could have prevented Zina in our communities.

[hawdini]

I dont understand why u wouldnt want to be secret about it. Do you really want to let the whole world know that you had several mutahs, cause that doesnt really come across stable to me. Its not like you people are eagered to do a permanent marriage with someone who did a couple of mutahs(thinking about the emotional baggage they might carry,already have maybe had sexual relations with someone(physical contact). I think most people (like me) want someone  who has not had al these contacts with the opposite sex, so that when they do permanently get married theyll both go on the journey together fresh. I think thats much better for ur relationship as well. So yeah thats why i think people are secretive about it, because most people are like me =) And there is nothing wrong with that.

In my utopian world that is.

[kim.tinkerbell]

Why Seceracy/shame In Being In Mutah Relationship

If you held the dudes hand and walked out and showed the world you aren’t ashamed of what you’re doing then people wouldn’t classify it as something shameful. However if the individual him/herself is ashamed or feel’s guilty for what they have done, then how can the society not consider it a shameful relationship?

The word mutah itself has so many things that can be linked to it and there not the greatest things. Well for a man it may be paradise. The thing about muta is it affects the girl that that does it more than the men. Why because woman in Islam have a reputation to live up to and they have to stay clean (virgin) till they get married. While that’s how society’s works in the muslim world anyway.

The men that engage in muta are not going to be affected as much as the ladies do because they have nothing to lose and they walk out of the relationship freely. Men can’t get pregnant they don’t need to do iddah. On the other hand the woman has to wait and see if she pregnant or not and of course she has to do the iddah  ( which is  the  best  rule in the world to do iddah) .

The fact that there is no witness, prove and no papers involved in this marriage, it should make the person run for their money. When there is no prove or witness you can get away with murder. You can’t even prove his the father ( while  DNA will ) , he can just turn around and say I have never seen you in my life and then that individual will have to go through so much to prove something.

If the woman is a virgin she shouldn’t even go down that road because it will affect her in the long run.  The people that can practice these muta relationships without getting shuttered for it are divorced and widowed and non-virgins but even they get affected.

Men that practice muta usually end up looking for the cleanest girl and the one with the best reputation for marriage and there is no denial in this. There may be some men that end up actually marring the girl that they have done muta with but what are the chances of that? 10%?

There was a document three or two weeks ago on mbc ( arabic channel) and it talked all about muta and how it’s being misused to favors people. There was a egyption man that did muta , europen girls hire him for like a month  for his arab looks lool . Do you know what he said when the presenter asked him do your family know you’re making a living out of this job? He said no and if it wasn’t for the money I wouldn’t even  do this because I  wasn’t brought up in  this way. I mean this coming from a man and we all know that men have more sexual rights. If he couldn’t even tell his family how can the woman?  Yeh and they also talked about hiring hourly muta girls (most of the girls were from Russia), one of the girls herself said I wouldn’t do this but I have a son to provide for.  I mean if the individual’s themselves are ashamed and feel they have done something wrong then it shouldn’t be surprising if the society reject this practice. It’s an easy way of getting sex.

Nevertheless there are people that do get married through this practice, but people should aim to get married straight and not do something and then end up regretting what they have done, people may promise that person marriage but then they would leave that person and that individual will have no prove what so ever to show that person what they promised them.

I think if you’re a convert you should think about the reason why you have converted. Is it truly for god or for the men? There are a lot of people that converts that convert for the wrong reasons.  You may be doing it for the men subconsciously.  According to what I have read do the muta threads a lot of converts sound like they have been hurt  so I think the  person should think before going  muta because it a huge thing . Convert may not be able to see the why the muslims find it so shameful because their culture is different to ours.

My aim is not to deem this practice but to make people think about it before going into it especially if you’re a woman. People have no mercy whether its online or real life people just want to put others down in this age and time.  Any ways I know that am going to get grilled for this but I follow this saying. (loool I hope you don’t mind haidar that I have  thrown in a saying  this time )

Prophet Muhammad said : “None of you truly  believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.”

I think that, that saying should explain why I am for celibacies till you get permanently married. I will continue encourage  this why because I wish  people what I wish for myself  and people should think before encouraging other to do something  because we can be held responsible for their act.

[Ali H Syed]

even if a man, went through 1000 mutahs with english/russian/african/brazilian women, aslong as it was performed legitimately, with all conditions met, regardless of anything he hasnt got a thing to worry about.

[kim.tinkerbell]

I don’t think some of you have realised how many times you have contradicted yourself. One says it has to be specific reasons to do muta and the other says it can be used for anything and the other says he can do multiple one hour mutas if he wishes .

Who’s  fooling who ???

[Ali H Syed]

kim.tinkerbell, on 14 November 2011 - 01:23 PM, said:

I don’t think some of you have realised how many times you have contradicted yourself. One says it has to be specific reasons to do muta and the other says it can be used for anything and the other says he can do multiple one hour mutas if he wishes .

Who’s  fooling who ???

you can do a mutah in any way you please, as long as its done through the right procedure. if i want to go satisfy my needs, i am entitled to do so.

they say its best ofcourse to do it in certain conditions, that doesnt contradict anything.

[kim.tinkerbell]

na it does  there are some of you that  do it for the funn of it ........

yeh muta means pleasure  , we understand that you have needs to meet but it has to be spcific and not any random reason ........................