467 replies to this topic

[Your-Best-Friend]

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money. Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks,’ Did you see me rob this bank?



'The man replied, 'Yes Sir, I did.'


The robber then shot him and killed him instantly. He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, 'Did you see me rob this bank?’



The man replied, 'No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!'


Moral: When Opportunity knocks, make use of it.

[Gypsy]

[hossein]

http://forum.gigadl....=1&d=1308151910

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[JimJam]

We all needs to lol from time to time

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Edited by JimJam, 15 June 2011 - 01:31 PM.

[Gypsy]

The story about Jimmy McPherson is funny.

[JimJam]

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[Gypsy]

These are all my LOLs topics...

How to sleep at work

Eyelid stickers

Click to see for yourself

See if you can pronounce them correctly

[hossein]

Haha zareen! special LOL on the last topic "see if u can pronounce them correctly!"



Very funny AND very true!

Source: theoatmeal.com

Please help the topic expand!

[hossein]

Why I sleep with a Teddy Bear.



I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.

I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, Now you stay. Do you hear me?

Stay! Stay!

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady, gave me a strange look and said, Why don't you just put it in PARK?



Telephone bill

At some day the telephone bill is extra high and Father calls the family together and said:

"A telephone bill cannot be that high! What are you doing? "I am not the one to blame" said Father. "Most of the time I make calls at work!"
Mother responds: "Yes, and I use the phone at work too. I am not the one to blame either."
The daughter says: "I am certainly not the one to blame, I always use the phone at my internship."
All their eyes are turning to the maid, that responds:

"Why are you looking at me, you also call from work, yes?"






Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking.

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.

"Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.

"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.

"Now we eat everybody." And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked,"Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first?

Why did we swim around and around them?"

His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the poop inside!"

Now you know...Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking.





Sevenforums

Edited by hossein, 25 June 2011 - 02:42 AM.

[hossein]

Okay This one is so cool! And yeah! Thanks to everyone for NOT helping!

It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test.

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.

* * *
Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer.

OK, relax, clear your mind and begin...


1. What do you put in a toaster?















Answer: "bread."

If you said "toast," give up now and do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question 2.


2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?










Answer: Cows drink water.

If you said "milk," don't Attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat! Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Readers Digest. However, if you said "water", proceed to question 3.


3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?










Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.

If you said "green bricks," why are you still reading these???
If you said "glass," go on to Question 4.










4. It's thirty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany.) Anyway, during the flight, TWO engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany, West Germany, or no man's land"?








Answer: You don't bury survivors!

If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop. If you said, "You don't bury survivors", proceed to the next question.



5. Without using a calculator -

You are driving a bus from San Francisco to Santa Rosa.
In San Francisco, nineteen people get on the bus;
In Sausilito, six people get off the bus and nine people get on.
In Mill Valley, five people get off and four get on.
In San Rafael, eleven people get off and sixteen people get on.
In Petaluma, three people get off and five people get on
In Cotati, six people get off and three get on.
You then arrive in Santa Rosa.
What was the name of the bus driver?








Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name?

It was YOU!!

/source: Sevenforums.com

[hossein]

How gamer shops







Catholic Math

Little Aaron, who was Jewish, was doing very poorly in math. His parents had tried everything: tutors, and everything else they could think of. Finally in a last ditch effort, they took Aaron and enrolled him in a special program at a local Catholic school.

After the first day, little Aaron came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Aaron was hard at work. His mother was amazed.

His Mother called him down to dinner and to her shock, the minute he was done he marched back to his room without a word and in no time he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day while his mother tried to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, little Aaron brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table and went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her surprise, little Aaron got an A in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said, "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?"

Little Aaron looked at her and shook his head, no.

"Well, then," she replied, "was it the discipline, the structure, the books, the uniforms??

"No", said little Aaron.

WHHHAAATTT was it then???", she asked.

Little Aaron looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."

[AG15]

http://ca.news.yahoo...-145309657.html I got a smile outta this

[hossein]

You gotta read this!

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively effect on him.

One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were married.

A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home.

So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek.

At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but also ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him.

He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIIPPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning each time with his napkin. When he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it.

Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party....

HAHAHAHAHAHA! LOLOLOL!

Source: sevenforums

[Al-Hadi]

hossein, on 25 August 2011 - 10:29 AM, said:

You gotta read this!

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively effect on him.

One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were married.

A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home.

So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek.

At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but also ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him.

He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIIPPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning each time with his napkin. When he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it.

Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party....

HAHAHAHAHAHA! LOLOLOL!

Source: sevenforums

LOOL that is hilarious.. and something I can relate to

[yassameen]

random post

[DayStrike312]

^ LMAOO!! At first when I read it, I thought it was a story!
But tis the Arthur theme song!! Haven't watched that in ageeesssssss!!!

[Senora]

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL,

[hossein]

Captain Bravo
One day, while sailing the seven seas, a lookout spotted a pirate
ship, and the crew became frantic.

Captain Bravo bellowed, "Bring me my red velvet jacket."

The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red velvet jacket,
and, after donning the jacket, the captain led his crew into
battle and defeated the pirates.

Later on, the lookout spotted not one, but two pirate ships. The
captain again howled for his red velvet jacket and once again
vanquished the pirates.

That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the
day's triumphs, and one of them asked the captain: "Sir, why did
you call for your red velvet jacket before each battle?"

The captain replied: "If I am wounded in the attack, my crew
won't notice my bleeding and will continue to fight, unafraid."

All of the men sat in silence and marveled at the courage of
their captain.

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, not
two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The rank and file all
stared at the captain and awaited his usual request.

Captain Bravo calmly shouted,

"Bring me my brown trousers!"

LOL!

3jokes.com

Edited by hossein, 26 August 2011 - 01:22 PM.

[hossein]

A woman went into a butcher's shop the other day and asked the butcher: "Is that a sheep's head in the window?"

"No madam," he replied. "It's a mirror."  

--------------------------------------------------------------------

A dwarf was on a holiday flight to Spain.

He'd just put his duty-free bag in the overhead locker when it came crashing down, spilling his stuff all over the place.

"Are you alright sir?" asked the bright young flight attendant. "I'm not bloody happy," he snapped back.

"In that case," she asked: "which one are you?"

Sevenforums.com


Help the LOL topic grow! Lets make some halal laughing!

Edited by hossein, 27 August 2011 - 05:29 AM.

[Blissful]

[hossein]

[hossein]

[hossein]

Help The lol topic grow

[MuslimyMuslim]

hilarious, has me laughing all day http://www.foxnews.com/us/index.html

[JimJam]

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