90 replies to this topic

[Samndeen]

"Why are you just asking the brothers?"

Why are you just asking the sisters?

Really?...

[Laayla]

Bismehe Ta3ala,

Assalam Alikum Brother Abu Hadi,

I'm sure you know sister Najah bazzy and the way she avoids handshaking is to put her hand on her heart and say, "Heart to heart, not hand to hand."  The handshaking is just an aknowledgment of your presense.  You can do the same too.  Make eye contact, quickly put your hand on your heart and say the above or explain, "I'm sorry, religious reasons."

There is nothing to be scared of and most people are understanding.  Remember you want the pleasure of Allah and not to please people. However, you know your situation best, I just want to encourage you to avoid handshaking at all costs.    Allah swt protect you.

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN Allah

[Mutah_King]

LOL my mom avoided shaking hands from this condo agent the other day, he offered his hand, she withdrew hers into her pocket LOL it was the most awkward thing in the world.  Too cute man, too cute.

[Chipkali]

I have to admit, I used to be among those people who would come up with excuses, when having to shake hands with the opposite gender, particularly in interviews. Also, I had an unusual amount of anxiety when thinking about the president of my university shaking my hand while handing me my diploma. I thought about emailing him prior to the ceremony to avoid the awkwardness. Turns out, most people are very understanding and accommodating. I didn't have to come up with excuses and in return, I gained more respect than I already had.

Although I would think most non-muslims should already know not to shake hands with a hijabi muslimah. =/ I have also noticed that every single time I'm introduced to a male doctor, he NEVER sticks out his hand. He will always put his hand on his chest to greet me. I wonder how they all know. Maybe they have some sort of workshops on things like this? It's such a relief.

[jannahismygoal]

Chipkali, on 30 June 2012 - 01:53 AM, said:

. Also, I had an unusual amount of anxiety when thinking about the president of my university shaking my hand while handing me my diploma. I thought about emailing him prior to the ceremony to avoid the awkwardness. Turns out, most people are very understanding and accommodating. I didn't have to come up with excuses and in return, I gained more respect than I already had.

LOL. This reminds me of my high school graduation. I too was faced with awkwardness, but I think it was more- overly awkward for the three professors I was supposed to shake hands with (as a form of congratulating me) after I received my diploma. I just remember, how smoothly it was all running, you could see the smile on these professors' faces when the student approached them, and they enthusiastically responded with a firm grip of the hand, and extended grin on their faces, as they warmly said: "Congratulations". Haha, but when I approached them, I did not even look up at them, I just walked on by, with my head down, anxiously waiting to reach then end of the stage. It was caught on tape, and the faces on those professor's were hilarious, it's as if you stripped them of their rights

[The Exalted One]

Pick your nose in front of 'em.

[Abu 3antar]

Simply, when you see a woman approaching you, cough loudly and disgustingly use your both hands as cover.

[Noah107]

How to avoid shaking hands!
1- simply  put ur hands together  and  say 'namastay' instead. (but this would compromise being a muslim!)
2- make sure the other person sees u picking your nose first. That way the onus is them to avoid your bogey ridden hand instead
3-tell them  you have scabies and dont want to infect them
4- tell them you have warts and its infectious
To be honest most of these things makes it difficult for you as no1 wants to admit they have infectious diseases!
Best thing is to put your hands together and say 'how do you do' or 'nice to meet you' etc   and that way you are greeting them your way. Best do this even before they extend their hand to you! because once they have extended it first towards you it may be rude for u  then not to shake it.

jannahismygoal, on 30 June 2012 - 02:11 AM, said:

I love your signature poem. Did you write it?

[jannahismygoal]

Noah107, on 11 July 2012 - 05:56 PM, said:

I love your signature poem. Did you write it?

brother,

lol oh no no no, of course I didn't write that. It would be an honor to be able to write such beautiful words. I actually copied it from a video I saw about Martyr Mustafa Chamran.
Here is the video:

Edited by jannahismygoal, 11 July 2012 - 10:33 PM.

[Laayla]

Bismehe Ta3ala,

Assalam Alikum Sister Jannah,

Thank you for putting up that video.  Shaheed Mostafa played a huge role here in Lebnan helping the Amal movement with Sayyid Moussa Sadr.  Al-Fateeha on his blessed soul.

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN Allah

[Haydar Karrar]

Guys...guys.. Calm down its not such a huge deal......wear gloves at all times, shake hands and nothing is upon you.....
Or you could stop hiding behind a curtain of lies and just say that you are a Muslim and you cannot do so....why make a big deal
But if you are in a bad situation use the glove thing....it won't look weird, especially now after people have gone great lengths to prevent germ spread.

[gogiison2]

WS,

You can be like...I'd shake your hand, but then you'd have to marry me. It should throw them off-guard, but you can say it while laughing and smiling.

Edited by gogiison2, 07 February 2013 - 12:07 AM.

[Ali-Reza]

I'd tell them say "I have a very contingence skin disease" its better if we don't shake hands.

[Du'a]

You could do all those things or you could just use the courage you claim to have and give them a brief and honest answer. I don't understand why it's so difficult. I've turned down handshakes one-on-one and in front of 40-50 people. It's not as bad as you'd imagine. In fact, you say no once and it only gets easier from there.

[Ali-Reza]

According to Seyed Sistani, shaking hands to avoid difficulty could be OK:



Question :
Are shaking of hands with girls allowed?
Answer :
It is not allowed?1


Question :
I am working in a company and supposed to shake hands with customers, male or female. If don't do that, it would be considered impolite and there is a risk of losing my job and suffering the aftermath? What should I do?
Answer :
A Muslim man is not allowed to shake hands with a woman without a barrier, such as gloves, unless refraining from shaking hands will put him in a considerable harm or unbearable difficulty. In the latter case, he is allowed to shake hands to the extent of necessity only.

[Ibn al-Hassan]

^ This is rarely, rarely ever to actually come up (to the extent that you would lose your livelihood as a result of not shaking a non-mahram's hand).

[Ali-Reza]

Ibn al-Hassan, on 15 February 2013 - 01:06 AM, said:

^ This is rarely, rarely ever to actually come up (to the extent that you would lose your livelihood as a result of not shaking a non-mahram's hand).

Agreed. Gotta use your fair judgement.

[Najib]

Well, I recently switched from Marja and I looked up the new Marja's ruling about shaking hands. He came up with this answer, it is Marja Saanei btw:

Q1201: My family and I live in the US. Sometimes, in social occasions and relations it happens to shake
hands with the opposite sex. What is your Fatwa on this issue? It should be explained that shaking hands
when you meet someone for the first time is a part of their social etiquette.
A: Although it is illegal per se for two non-Mahram people to shake hands willingly, it is permissible in
case of necessity even if it is a social necessity, and to determine this necessity is up to the legally obliged
adult him/herself.

And it was also on Roshana tv (in case there are persians here) from Sheikh Kazerooni, who said it is permissible if you don't shake hands lustfully and don't shake  hands with a firm grip..

And moreover, some brothers/sisters suggest lying to people. I don't see how one sin can help you avoid another? E.g. saying you have a disease.. I think lying is worse than shaking hands. And people whom you know will mistrust you when they hear, or when they get to know you.

Edited by Najib, 15 February 2013 - 06:14 AM.

[Perfectionist]

Do Twelvers believe they will burn in Hell for every minor transgression, even if the intention is pure?

[Najib]

Perfectionist, on 15 February 2013 - 08:23 AM, said:

Do Twelvers believe they will burn in Hell for every minor transgression, even if the intention is pure?

No I don't think so..at least according to Imam Jafar :

Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (A) has said:
"We will intercede (ask for forgiveness) on your behalf on the Day of Judgement, but, by Allah, I am worried about you for the period when you would be in Barzakh"
Sinners will be punished during this period. The Holy Qur'an confirms the period of Barzakh saying,
"......And before them is a barrier until the day they are raised."(al Mu'minoon, 23:100)

http://www.imamreza....eza.php?id=3339

[Perfectionist]

Najib, on 15 February 2013 - 08:49 AM, said:

No I don't think so..at least according to Imam Jafar :

Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (A) has said:
"We will intercede (ask for forgiveness) on your behalf on the Day of Judgement, but, by Allah, I am worried about you for the period when you would be in Barzakh"
Sinners will be punished during this period. The Holy Qur'an confirms the period of Barzakh saying,
"......And before them is a barrier until the day they are raised."(al Mu'minoon, 23:100)

http://www.imamreza....eza.php?id=3339

So why is there always such anguish over every slight misdeed, especially when they are almost a necessity when living in the West?

[macisaac]

Perfectionist, on 15 February 2013 - 02:17 PM, said:

So why is there always such anguish over every slight misdeed,

Is that how you show gratitude to your Lord?  "Eh, I know I'm disobeying my Creator, but whatever, it's not a big deal and He'll forgive me anyway"  Sometimes belittling the sin is even worse than committing it.

Quote

especially when they are almost a necessity when living in the West?

Nonsense.  I live here too, and the worst that not shaking a woman's hand has caused me is some minor awkwardness and inconvenience (and yes that includes job interviews).  I'd hardly call that a necessity.

Edited by macisaac, 15 February 2013 - 02:31 PM.

[Najib]

Perfectionist, on 15 February 2013 - 02:17 PM, said:

So why is there always such anguish over every slight misdeed, especially when they are almost a necessity when living in the West?

Because then we come to the next hadith, Nahjul Balagha, a saying by Imam Ali ibn Abi Taleb :

"The worst sin is that which the committer takes lightly."

Thus, we see that no sin can be taken lightly, because when we do, it will be a great sin..the Imam just turned it around so that we may think twice before thinking that which we are doing is 'a small sin'. However, following the fatwa of Ayatollah Saanei, I guess when it's a necessity, then it's not a sin. Ayatollah Sistani does not see social necessity as a real reason, hence those who follow Sistani cannot shake hands as that reason.

[Ali-Reza]

Perfectionist, on 15 February 2013 - 02:17 PM, said:

So why is there always such anguish over every slight misdeed, especially when they are almost a necessity when living in the West?

There is also punishment and rewards in barzakh

[Ibn al-Hassan]

Perfectionist, on 15 February 2013 - 02:17 PM, said:

So why is there always such anguish over every slight misdeed, especially when they are almost a necessity when living in the West?

Imam Muhammad al-Baqir [as], with reference to Allah's verse in the Qur'an: "Those who do not knowingly persist in (the wrong) they have done", said: 'Persistence in sinning is when a person commits a sin and neither seeks forgiveness for it nor does it even occur to him to repent for it - that is persistent sinning.' (Wasa'il al-Shi'ah, #20682)

Edited by Ibn al-Hassan, 15 February 2013 - 07:37 PM.