28 replies to this topic

[Ali Zaidi]

i think this a stupid question   but any how, let me ask it.!

What is the PROPER way to propose a GIRL???

Ali

[Peer]

LOL

Ask your mum

[Ali Zaidi]

i m ssoooooooooooooooooo afraid

Ali

[Abdul Hussain]

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What is the PROPER way to propose a GIRL???

You tell your parents of your intentions and they will make the necessary arrangements. Never go straight to the girl, always go through the parents.


ws

[wilayah]

AliAbbas, on Dec 5 2003, 09:16 AM, said:

:!!!: i m ssoooooooooooooooooo afraid

Ali

    

If not mum, what about an older or younger sister.

[Ali Zaidi]

Thanx everyone
Ali

[fatimeh]

salam
don't u think u should ask the girl first, whether she accepts your proposal or not?

once she gives the "YES', then you can progress to the next step...anyway that's my 2 cents, otherwise it might be a great darn embarassment.

best of luck.

[Peer]

so_solid_shia, on Dec 5 2003, 03:19 AM, said:

"erm...sister...salam alaikum   .. *how are u an all that rubbish* ...then...

  <_<

[Karrar]

Go straight to the girl first. Then if she says yes go to your parents to do the whole formal stuff.

[faithmuslima]

Salam Alaykum.

bro/sis Karrar that is not a very appropriate way of proposing.  A bro should go to her parents (emphasis on parents).. they will ask the girl what she thinks and possibly arranged meetings with her and her parents would have to occur until the girl can really decide.  

If he's going to have to go through the parents anyway, why not start with them.  Almost every girl I know would not want someone coming up to her and sometimes that messes everything up b/c her father might get really angry etc.

[mz7eighty6]

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Yeh it depends on the circumstance. Ask the girl first, because if you go straight to her dad and he says yes but, then she says NO....HAHA SHAAAME!!! it will save a lot of embarassment whereas if you both agree at the start, then you only have to worry about convincing the father

Have your parents go through the girl's parents. There is fear of rejection whether you go through the parents or the girl, but if you go through the parents, it will be more respectful. Having your parents go through her parents may make it seem as if the prospective mother-in-law likes the girl, not necessarily that the boy likes the girl yet. So if you think of it this way, the boy will not be embarassed.

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If he's going to have to go through the parents anyway, why not start with them. Almost every girl I know would not want someone coming up to her and sometimes that messes everything up b/c her father might get really angry etc.

This is so true! I would take it as an insult if I were ever in this situation.

WaSalaam

[El-hage]

i was love struck when i met u
now lets cut to the chase, will you marry me?
thats what i said exactly

Edited by El-hage, 06 December 2003 - 01:07 AM.

[faithmuslima]

and a slap was the follow-up?

[El-hage]

no, she cried and i knew she was the one

[faithmuslima]

Is that actually true?  ppl having that feeling of who they're going to marry?

[El-hage]

why not? ill marry who ever i want and i have chose.
anyone can do so

[faithmuslima]

No that's not what i mean.. I was asking whether it's true when people just know for sure who is their future wife/husband

[El-hage]

faithmuslima, on Dec 6 2003, 06:09 AM, said:

and a slap was the follow-up?

and regardless of she said no, why would i get slapped? im not saying anything dirty, and im not saying something rude, she should take it as a complamant when i said what i said.

[El-hage]

faithmuslima, on Dec 6 2003, 06:27 AM, said:

No that's not what i mean.. I was asking whether it's true when people just know for sure who is their future wife/husband

well it takes time with everything.
u need to know the purpose!
u can make it work...u just have to work hard for it

[Karrar]

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Salam Alaykum.

bro/sis Karrar that is not a very appropriate way of proposing. A bro should go to her parents (emphasis on parents).. they will ask the girl what she thinks and possibly arranged meetings with her and her parents would have to occur until the girl can really decide.

If he's going to have to go through the parents anyway, why not start with them. Almost every girl I know would not want someone coming up to her and sometimes that messes everything up b/c her father might get really angry etc.

Going through the parents will go on anyways, but what's the point of going through the trouble of possibly embarrasing yourself when you know that she doesn't want to marry you. Ask her first, so you know if it's worth it or not, and then if she says yes, then go to the parents and let things take their course. To be honest with you, I'm not the kind of person that sees a nice muslim girl walking in the University and I run home to mommy and say "Can you ask her mom if she wants to marry me??", I don't think so. I'll go up to her and intorduce myself, strike a conversation and become friends with her or something, and then when you find out that you both have some stuff in common and eventually that's the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with, then pop the big question. You have to have self confidence.  

[faithmuslima]

Salam Alaykum.

Again, that's inappropriate.  First of all, it is islamically inappropriate for you to just "come up" to a girl and begin conversation.. that's part of the reason why you need to use another strategy.  I think you're expecting to have some conversations (and if she was a descent and modest girl she would probably not give in) with her and then you'll ask her if she'd be interested.. do you expect her to give you a yes/no answer so early?  

That's what bugs me so much, why can't many guys understand that it doesn't work that way!  You're not supposed to go to the girl to stay away from embarrassment, if you were a real man you'd show up at her house, much more respectful that way and less pressuring and inappropriate to the girl.  Again, you're going to have to go through her parents anyhow and talking to the girl first does NOT give a good impression to the parents most of the time.

[Karrar]

I'm not saying go up to her and start talking to her like you want to go on a date with her. That's definetly inappropriate. I like to get to know the girl myself before asking for marriage, and that can not be established through what my mom or sister tells me about her. You have to get to know each other before marriage. I'm not saying eliminate the parents out of the equation, on the contrary, you have to keep your parents posted and tell them that you're interested in a certain girl, but you're getting to know her right now. Going to her parents will eventually has to happen, because you have to have to present yourself to her parents as well.

[faithmuslima]

Salam Alaykum.

You misunderstood me.  I meant that the idea of you going up to her and starting a conversation (not a date?) was inappropriate altogether.  After you and/or your family asks her parents, they ask her (not if she wants to marry you!  But if she wants to get to know you and therefore make her final decision later, maybe much later) and if she says yes, then usually what happens is her fam invites your fam for tea or dinner or something, where both families will get to discuss the issue and get to know each other better.  

After that (I know it seems like a long process but it really isn't), the girl AND guy (the guy isn't sure from the beginning, he needs to get to know her first) make their decisions.  Therefore, you're presenting yourself to her parents, along with your parents if they are in the area, and after that you appropriately get to know her (with her, and her parent's decisions).

Wassalam.