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Why it seems like the "bad" Girl gets the Guy

Miss Wonderful

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Note: "bad girl"  is usually associated with negative description- but in all honesty I oppose this view. What media has labeled "bad girls" are in my opinion are simply women who've have gone through many obstacles in life and experienced many hardships to know how the world really operates. 

 We   begin seeing the world in rose colored glasses.  At a young age we were  taught  about everything beautiful and innocent  in this world. we read books on the Prophet Pbuh&hf and in  our hearts we desired  to find someone is a leader and  as religious, masculine, and brave as how he was.  We  always desired to be the perfect wife, who will fit in her role as God desired her to be. 

So it was easy to be impressed by anyone who spoke about religion. It was captivated and different, and  anyone who knew so much, and prayed, fasted, was  someone great. Of course he would have to balance religion with the times we lived in. But let me tell you.....there are men and women  out there who may fast, preach, pray, but  in reality they are average homo sapiens. Meaning that even though they have so much knowledge about Islam, and understand the values, they still choose to run on automatic. They are too lazy to truly make a habit of being a better person. And most people are like this. They give charity, give impressive lectures to students in the mosque, but its really on the surface. Behind the scenes they operate homo sapien level, their main objective is to eat, drink, sleep, etc. And they think they are doing good for the world- and they are doing nice things- but try to being in a marriage  with them and its huge fail.

Try  being behaving the way  Fatima (AS) was like with Imam Ali (AS) and these types of  people will take you for GRANTED. It doesn't matter how beautiful you are, or how religious, or how amazing, how generous, how passionate,  or how pure  or how  hardworking you are. These people are parasites. They will try to take from you what they can. Whether its them thriving on the feeling of power that you give them, because all you  are doing is just following the kindness of the Prophet Pbuh &HF. Being selfless like how Khadija (as) was like for the Prophet (pbuh) will get you stomped on. And you are left wandering if you should take on the characteristics of celebrities instead of holy figures.

Well the truth is...you can't  really live like how the Prophet Pbuh&hf and his family were. You cannot be selfless and humble for any man in 2017. In the year 2017, a man will appreciate you more if he has to spend lots of money on you during courting. Don't believe a word about  him respecting the independent women. He will take her for granted if she exhibits the "I am so independent behavior". if she does not allow him to be the sole bread winner, then he will play down his masculine role as the provider. Meaning he will take advantage of the situation and won't do as much. The Prophet pbuh +hf was different than the normal human being, it's why Khadija (as) married him in a heart beat. There was respect and sensitivity.

Also  these days men LOVE  makeup, the fake eyelashes, the whole  shabang. Yes you might be stunning with no makeup, but in reality vamping the looks is now IN.  I don't care how many times men say they like a girl to be natural.....they will cater more to you if you have the makeup. And honestly save the makeup for someone  who is worth it.  Because quality make up costs a lot. But  even advanced   beauty is not enough for men these days. My friend told me that even tho her husband posted their  newlywed photos on facebook, she caught him trying to flirt with other girls.
Yes! We live in these times now. So don't just depend on playing up your beauty, because even after your honeymoon, your man might still be contacting other girls. You really have to make your worth permanent by allowing him to keep chasing you and working hard to try and win you over. Because most men are on automatic and just follow primitive instincts. They are not disciplined and naturally not as developed as how holy figures were. Thats why Allah sent Prophets in the first place -to teach ppl. And man is ever so forgetful.

Honestly, its not different from the times of the Prophet pbuh+hf. He had to teach men how to behave like legit human beings. Men were buryin their daughters, and not giving their wives their rights. Well its the same deal now. We are back to those ages. Ppl may not be  burying their daughters but ppl having different expectations then the ones that the Prophet pbuhf+ and his family taught. And women are not excused from this as well. But all I am saying is that we have to be more realistic  and not get carried away from reading hadiths and religious stories. For example, I am increasingly finding that a woman who  is given spending money, and spends it on things for herself is more respected by men, then the one  who says no its best to give this money to charity.  Doing something noble these days wont be credited to good nature anyway. Being selfish is credited to a woman of worth.  Being Selfless is not.  Does that mean completely be selfish? NO. It means learning to accept financial gifts from your husband or spouse and not let pride get into the way because you maybe bring home your own income. You must also set aside money for charity, but anything he gives you-ACCEPT as your own. It gives him feeling of pride and accomplishment.  And then you can do whatever you want with it-such saving a  portion of it to charity. If you deny the financial gift -even if u have good intentions -it will be a blow to his ego- and it will become a habit for him not to spend on you. Average men don't understand the concept of nobility and being selfless. They are not holy figures to appreciate this. The minute you deny a financial  gift because you feel selfless and want to give it to ppl in needs, or feel  shy  accepting it or think it will make him happy that u dont want to burden him-it wont. He will just find another girl to spend on. 

Also the truth is  there are times you may bypass the person who really is genuinely good hearted. They might not be as  religious ( meaning they dont know much hadith and details but they do pray or read quran)-and that could be a turn off to you. But they are faithful they want the best for you. They ACTUALLY WEAR THEIR HEART  on their sleeve. They might be not as good looking, but they show how good they are with ACTIONS. They will treat you respect, cater to you, and are inspired from you to better themselves in religion. They might be dorks, and  they come across as lame, but they prove to you that they are someone you can rely on. And even if you get into an argument with them, they will try to make things right  quickly. They will be happy to support you and not hesitate to give you what you need financially  and not make you feel like a burden. And sometimes because they are so straightforward  you might think they are creeps but in reality they are just not word savvy as the other men. they dont know how to play word games and mind games. They just speak with all the innocence. It's a complex world we live in.

Does that mean it will be impossible to find a  religious man that knows the lectures and details and follows everything to a t- and who eally tries to better himself than average men? No, but it will most likely be hard.

And the so called "bad girl"  can tell the difference from such  men from observing the mannerism., and thats why she is quick to get the good guy. While the inexperienced girl ends up with a jerk, because she is wowed by the personality of the so called scholar.

Anyway...always remember  NO MAN CAN MATCH UP TO A HOLY FIGURE. AVERAGE MEN AND HOLY FIGURES ARE ON ENTIRELY DIFFERENT SPIRITUAL AND MENTAL PLATFORM .WE ARE AT DIFFERENT TIMES, let a man  PROVE IT TO YOU BY HIS ACTIONS. THE IMPORTANCE OF ALLOWING A MAN TO SPEND ON YOU FINANCIALLY and LETTING HIM CHASE YOU. BEING MORE FASHIONABLE/USE OF MAKEUP WITHIN THE BOUNDARIES OF ISLAM. KNOWING THAT YOU CANNOT DEPEND ONLY ON YOUR PASSION AND BEAUTY FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE . DON'T BE SELFLESS, BUT KEEP A BALANCE OF HEALTHY SELFISHNESS, AND KEEP IN MIND YOUR ISLAMIC DUTIES...
 



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Well, I think that the person that can be a true infidel is the one who can take off partners, if the person can not, it means that he or she has to be a believer... I'm kidding you again, just joking.

I've noticed that at least in this country, people hate the ones who like to give alms to people, they say that is because people who beg are swindlers that either have a lot of money and don't  need to beg or are just people that don't want to work.

And some people look at me bad when I give (sometimes not always), and I say s"#~w y/u, I don't have to live like they want me to live, I'm not your puppet in which you can decide how I should live, what I should say. I'm free not a robot.

I respect if they have reasons for not giving but it's my bussiness if I want to give or not.

And in all english classes I was, when there was conversational classes only, they picked up that topic about beggars and why we should give and even at the end of one class the teacher turned to me and said: "Now you see that we shouldn't give, you're not going to do it again, right?" and I said to him: "Of course I'm going to keep giving, if you don't want, don't do it, but I want to"

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@Nataly It's not bad go give, but please make sure that you give to people who really need it. There are so many people who have become inspired by Robin Hood i.e. they don't earn money themselves but they ask money from other people and they say they are going to help the poor, but they really help their girlfriends/ boyfriends. Be very careful when you give money to an organization. Few years ago, I became religious and I donated a lot of money, but later I found out it was all used by some young girls to buy make up and clothes. I lost respect among people and everyone stared thinking I am a fool. My relatives became angry saying if you want to give money to poor, we deserve it more, why didn't you give us? There are people who don't bother you, but once you start giving them money, they feel entitled and they expect more and more. The people who used my money, now they won't leave me alone. Every time, they need money, they start bothering me and they use every tactic, even blackmailing and threatening. I am not talking about homeless/poor  people who really need money. The fact is charity doesn't really reach them. 

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Moral of the story:

Women, spice up your manners and appearance and learn the art of carrying yourself; be crafty and cunning when dealing with your men because being nice and honest does not pay off; the way to manage your man is by giving him the illusion of power while retaining all power in your hands; be strong and independent without making it too obvious; don't just accept gifts but DEMAND them; be selfish to guard your own interests and that of your family, because men are ultimately quite dumb when it comes to domestic and familial matters; stand your ground and don't let your man or inlaws or anyone else walk over you.

More power to womankind! <3

 

Edited by Marbles

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l am disappointed in you, Ms.Wondergirl.

First, "bad" means BAD, misbehaving, short-on-morals, ... and probably carries a few diseases and parasites.

Second, it is not that the "bad girl" "gets". lt is What-She-gets. What she deserves.

The same with men.

Third, make-up: The girl basically doesn't need it or it doesn't do her any good. Want a laugh? Look at the blondes on TV with thick, bright red lipstuck.

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      His special position with al-Kadhim
      Hisham enjoyed an especially close relation with al-Kadhim عليه السلام
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      He was one of the intimates of our master Musa b. Ja’far عليه السلام
      This can be seen in the examples below:
      Hamduwayh b. Nusayr – Muhammad b. Isa – al-Hasan b. Ali b. Yaqtin who said: Whenever Abu al-Hasan [al-Kadhim] عليه‌ السلام wanted some neccessities for himself, or something of a personal nature, he would write to my father Ali: ‘purchase for me this and that or acquire for me such and such, and the one to undertake that should be Hisham b. al-Hakam’. But if it had to do with his [the Imam’s] more general responsibilities he would just write: ‘purchase for me this and that’ and not mention Hisham unless it was personal.
      It is also said that his [the Imam’s] favour towards him [Hisham] and his [Hisham’s] status in his [the Imam’s] estimation reached such a level that he [the Imam] sent him [Hisham] fifteen thousand gold coins and said to him: ‘do business with them and keep the profits thereof returning to us only the capital’. Hisham did as instructed. May Allah bless Abi al-Hasan.    
      Hamduwayh and Ibrahim the sons of Nusayr – Muhammad b. Isa – Zuhl – Asad b. Abi al-Ala who said: Abu al-Hasan the First عليه‌ السلام wrote to those who had come up from his Shia in one of the years during the pilgrimage season [to make the Hajj] about fulfilling a certain need of his, no one took it up [responded positively] except Hisham b. al-Hakam. He [Asad] said: He [the Imam] later wrote to him - that is Hisham b. al-Hakam - ‘may Allah make your reward paradise’.
    • By shadow_of_light in From Earth to Heaven
         1
      ....
      ....
      غمگین, گل یاس
      اشکت چو الماس
      قلب رئوفت
      سرشار از احساس
       
      بانوی خسته
      دلت شکسته
      زیر خاک سرد
      بخواب آهسته
       
      مسافر شب
      برو تا بهشت
      نیست جای تو
      این دنیای زشت
       
      عزم سفر کرد
      رفت تا افلاک
      خداحافظ ای
      دنیای ناپاک
       
      اگرچه هستی
      آرام و خاموش
      هرگز نگردد
      یادت فراموش
    • By Sisterfatima1 in Fatima
         0
      My dear sweet daughter as time goes by I feel more and more we are being disconnected your birth was truly a blessing for me after a difficult time 
      you were my everything watching you grow up and having people around you caring for you and loving you when I can’t be there hurts me alot
      i wish I could be the one holding your hand and helping you during hard times 
      I would give anything to have one more day with you and just play with you like we used to play 
       
      I miss your laughter I miss holding you when you were sad I miss you singing to your brother 
      I’ve missed out on so much in your life I hate living with this 
      i wish daddy would let me know you more 
      if you ever read this one day my sweet girl know that mummy loves you and wants you no matter what anybody says I never abandoned you 
      I hope one day we can be reunited 
      I pray Allah will always keep you safe my precious baby 
    • By Haji 2003 in Contemporania
         0
      The vegetarian industry holds that killing animals is bad. No doubt killing an animal means that it suffers a premature death. However nowadays, at least, it is because of the human need for meat that millions of animals have a life that they otherwise would not have had - because there would not have been an economic reason for them to be bred.
      The issue then, is one of premature death vs. not having a life at all.
      If people believe that animals are sentient and have some level of intelligence and should not be slaughtered as a result - surely those very arguments can be used to against denying those animals life as a vegetarian lifestyle would. 
      So the solution to the ethical/sustainability issues around meat eating is not to ban the practice altogether, rather it is to do with proper animal husbandry and a level of animal protein consumption that is lower than at present.
    • By Ali in ShiaChat.com Blog
         14
      [This will be a series of blog entries on the history of ShiaChat.com; how it was founded, major ups and down, politics and issues behind running such a site and of course, the drama!  I will also provide some feedback on development efforts, new features and future goals and objectives]
      Part 1 - The IRC (#Shia) Days!
      Sit children, gather around and let me speak to you of tales of times before there was ever high-speed Internet, Wi-Fi, YouTube or Facebook; a time when the Internet was a much different place and 15 year old me was still trying to make sense of it all. 
      In the 90s, the Internet was a very different place; no social media, no video streaming and downloading an image used to take anywhere from 5-10 minutes depending on how fast your 14.4k monster-sized dial up modem was.  Of course you also had to be lucky enough for your mom to have the common courtesy not to disconnect you when you’re in the middle of a session; that is if you were privileged enough to have Internet at home and not have to spend hours at school or libraries, or looking for AOL discs with 30 hour free trials..(Breathe... breathe... breathe) -  I digress.
      Back in 1998 when Google was still a little computer sitting in Larry Page and Sergey Brin’s basement, I was engaged in armchair jihadi-like debates with our Sunni brothers on an IRC channel called #Shia.  (Ok, a side note here for all you little pups.  This is not read as Hashtag Shia, the correct way of reading this is “Channel Shia”.  The “Hash tag” was a much cooler thing back in the day than the way you young’uns use it today).
      For those of you who don’t know what IRC was (or is... as it still exists), it stands for Internet Relay Chat, which are servers available that you could host chat rooms in and connect through a client.  It was like the Wild West where anyone can go and “found” their own channel (chat room), become an operator and reign down their god-like dictator powers upon the minions that were to join as member of their chat room.  Luckily, #Shia had already been established for a few years before by a couple of brothers I met from Toronto, Canada (Hussain A. and Mohammed H.).  Young and eager, I quickly rose up the ranks to become a moderator (@Ali) and the chatroom quickly became an important part of my adolescent years.  I learned everything I knew from that channel and met some of the most incredible people.  Needless to say, I spent hours and dedicated a good portion of my life on the chatroom; of course the alternate was school and work but that was just boring to a 15 year old.
      In the 90’s, creating a website was just starting to be cool so I volunteered to create a website for #Shia to advertise our services, who we are, what we do as well as have a list of moderators and administrators that have volunteered to maintain #Shia.  As a result, #Shia’s first website was hosted on a friend’s server under the URL http://786-110.co.uk/shia/ - yes, ShiaChat.com as a domain did not exist yet – was too expensive for my taste so we piggy backed on one of our member’s servers and domain name.
      The channel quickly became popular, so popular that we sometimes outnumbered our nemesis, #Islam.  As a result, our moderator team was growing as well and we needed a website with an application that would help us manage our chatroom in a more efficient style.  Being a global channel, it was very hard to do “shift transfers” and knowledge transfers between moderators as the typical nature of a chatroom is the fact that when a word is typed, its posted and its gone after a few seconds – this quickly became a pain point for us trying to maintain a list of offenders to keep an eye out for and have it all maintained in a historical, easily accessible way.
      A thought occurred to me.  Why not start a “forum” for the moderators to use?  The concept of “forums” or discussion boards was new to the Internet – it was the seed of what we call social media today.  The concept of having a chat-style discussion be forever hosted online and be available for everyone to view and respond to at anytime from anywhere was extremely well welcomed by the Internet users.  I don’t recall what software or service I initially used to set that forum up, but I did – with absolutely no knowledge that the forum I just setup was a tiny little acorn that would one day be the oak tree that is ShiaChat.com.
      [More to follow, Part 2..]
      So who here is still around from the good old #Shia IRC days?
    • By Islamic Salvation in A Marginalia to Mu'jam
         13

       
      A small collection of 82 reliable narrations concerning Intellect and Knowledge translated into English with annotated footnotes. 
      Download PDF: https://www.scribd.com/document/361632457/Book-of-Intellect-and-Knowledge-Mu-jam-1-1
      This is an UNSECURED version to aid copy and paste.
       
      Preamble
      The first book of the first volume is the book of Intellect and Knowledge. Some short words on the Islamic conception of both is in order.
      Aql is the vehicle through which the initial queries about the reality of life and nature of the world is made. It is also an essential component towards the Ma’rifa [recognition] of Allah. Thus it becomes the preliminary ‘inner prophet’ which can lead to ‘outward’ guidance and consequently obedience of Allah. It has been attributed to al-Sadiq that he said when asked to define Aql:
      ما عبد به الرحمن واكتسب به الجنان
      That by which the Rahman [Most Merciful] is worshipped and by which the Gardens are acquired[1]
      Aql is what will be held accountable. The more perfect the Aql of the one doing the deed the more complete it becomes and vice versa. The messenger of Allah is supposed to have said:
      إذا رأيتم الرجل كثير الصلاة كثير الصيام فلا تباهوا به حتى تنظروا كيف عقله؟
      If you see a man who prays a lot and fasts a lot then do not be overly impressed with him until you observe how his Aql is[2]
      Knowledge and its pursuit has been given such importance in Islam that a Western Scholar like Rosenthal could speak of the ‘Empire of Reason’. Knowledge is of many types, but the one which has been obligated is acquiring the knowledge which will make one succeed in this world and hereafter i.e. knowledge of the creator and one’s obligations towards Him.
      It is not enough to gain knowledge in theoretical terms, in fact the very definition of knowledge is the one which is put into practise. This is best summed up in a narration attributed to the Commander of the Faithful:
      حسبك من العلم أن تخشى الله، وحسبك من الجهل أن تعجب بعلمك
      It is enough to be considered knowledge that you be in awe of Allah, and it is enough to be considered ignorance that you feel proud with that which you know[3]
        [1] al-Kafi: 1/11
      [2] al-Kafi: 1/26
      [3] Amali of al-Tusi: 1/62
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