Note: "bad girl" is usually associated with negative description- but in all honesty I oppose this view. What media has labeled "bad girls" are in my opinion are simply women who've have gone through many obstacles in life and experienced many hardships to know how the world really operates.
We begin seeing the world in rose colored glasses. At a young age we were taught about everything beautiful and innocent in this world. we read books on the Prophet Pbuh&hf and in our hearts we desired to find someone is a leader and as religious, masculine, and brave as how he was. We always desired to be the perfect wife, who will fit in her role as God desired her to be.
So it was easy to be impressed by anyone who spoke about religion. It was captivated and different, and anyone who knew so much, and prayed, fasted, was someone great. Of course he would have to balance religion with the times we lived in. But let me tell you.....there are men and women out there who may fast, preach, pray, but in reality they are average homo sapiens. Meaning that even though they have so much knowledge about Islam, and understand the values, they still choose to run on automatic. They are too lazy to truly make a habit of being a better person. And most people are like this. They give charity, give impressive lectures to students in the mosque, but its really on the surface. Behind the scenes they operate homo sapien level, their main objective is to eat, drink, sleep, etc. And they think they are doing good for the world- and they are doing nice things- but try to being in a marriage with them and its huge fail.
Try being behaving the way Fatima (AS) was like with Imam Ali (AS) and these types of people will take you for GRANTED. It doesn't matter how beautiful you are, or how religious, or how amazing, how generous, how passionate, or how pure or how hardworking you are. These people are parasites. They will try to take from you what they can. Whether its them thriving on the feeling of power that you give them, because all you are doing is just following the kindness of the Prophet Pbuh &HF. Being selfless like how Khadija (as) was like for the Prophet (pbuh) will get you stomped on. And you are left wandering if you should take on the characteristics of celebrities instead of holy figures.
Well the truth is...you can't really live like how the Prophet Pbuh&hf and his family were. You cannot be selfless and humble for any man in 2017. In the year 2017, a man will appreciate you more if he has to spend lots of money on you during courting. Don't believe a word about him respecting the independent women. He will take her for granted if she exhibits the "I am so independent behavior". if she does not allow him to be the sole bread winner, then he will play down his masculine role as the provider. Meaning he will take advantage of the situation and won't do as much. The Prophet pbuh +hf was different than the normal human being, it's why Khadija (as) married him in a heart beat. There was respect and sensitivity.
Also these days men LOVE makeup, the fake eyelashes, the whole shabang. Yes you might be stunning with no makeup, but in reality vamping the looks is now IN. I don't care how many times men say they like a girl to be natural.....they will cater more to you if you have the makeup. And honestly save the makeup for someone who is worth it. Because quality make up costs a lot. But even advanced beauty is not enough for men these days. My friend told me that even tho her husband posted their newlywed photos on facebook, she caught him trying to flirt with other girls.
Yes! We live in these times now. So don't just depend on playing up your beauty, because even after your honeymoon, your man might still be contacting other girls. You really have to make your worth permanent by allowing him to keep chasing you and working hard to try and win you over. Because most men are on automatic and just follow primitive instincts. They are not disciplined and naturally not as developed as how holy figures were. Thats why Allah sent Prophets in the first place -to teach ppl. And man is ever so forgetful.
Honestly, its not different from the times of the Prophet pbuh+hf. He had to teach men how to behave like legit human beings. Men were buryin their daughters, and not giving their wives their rights. Well its the same deal now. We are back to those ages. Ppl may not be burying their daughters but ppl having different expectations then the ones that the Prophet pbuhf+ and his family taught. And women are not excused from this as well. But all I am saying is that we have to be more realistic and not get carried away from reading hadiths and religious stories. For example, I am increasingly finding that a woman who is given spending money, and spends it on things for herself is more respected by men, then the one who says no its best to give this money to charity. Doing something noble these days wont be credited to good nature anyway. Being selfish is credited to a woman of worth. Being Selfless is not. Does that mean completely be selfish? NO. It means learning to accept financial gifts from your husband or spouse and not let pride get into the way because you maybe bring home your own income. You must also set aside money for charity, but anything he gives you-ACCEPT as your own. It gives him feeling of pride and accomplishment. And then you can do whatever you want with it-such saving a portion of it to charity. If you deny the financial gift -even if u have good intentions -it will be a blow to his ego- and it will become a habit for him not to spend on you. Average men don't understand the concept of nobility and being selfless. They are not holy figures to appreciate this. The minute you deny a financial gift because you feel selfless and want to give it to ppl in needs, or feel shy accepting it or think it will make him happy that u dont want to burden him-it wont. He will just find another girl to spend on.
Also the truth is there are times you may bypass the person who really is genuinely good hearted. They might not be as religious ( meaning they dont know much hadith and details but they do pray or read quran)-and that could be a turn off to you. But they are faithful they want the best for you. They ACTUALLY WEAR THEIR HEART on their sleeve. They might be not as good looking, but they show how good they are with ACTIONS. They will treat you respect, cater to you, and are inspired from you to better themselves in religion. They might be dorks, and they come across as lame, but they prove to you that they are someone you can rely on. And even if you get into an argument with them, they will try to make things right quickly. They will be happy to support you and not hesitate to give you what you need financially and not make you feel like a burden. And sometimes because they are so straightforward you might think they are creeps but in reality they are just not word savvy as the other men. they dont know how to play word games and mind games. They just speak with all the innocence. It's a complex world we live in.
Does that mean it will be impossible to find a religious man that knows the lectures and details and follows everything to a t- and who eally tries to better himself than average men? No, but it will most likely be hard.
And the so called "bad girl" can tell the difference from such men from observing the mannerism., and thats why she is quick to get the good guy. While the inexperienced girl ends up with a jerk, because she is wowed by the personality of the so called scholar.
Anyway...always remember NO MAN CAN MATCH UP TO A HOLY FIGURE. AVERAGE MEN AND HOLY FIGURES ARE ON ENTIRELY DIFFERENT SPIRITUAL AND MENTAL PLATFORM .WE ARE AT DIFFERENT TIMES, let a man PROVE IT TO YOU BY HIS ACTIONS. THE IMPORTANCE OF ALLOWING A MAN TO SPEND ON YOU FINANCIALLY and LETTING HIM CHASE YOU. BEING MORE FASHIONABLE/USE OF MAKEUP WITHIN THE BOUNDARIES OF ISLAM. KNOWING THAT YOU CANNOT DEPEND ONLY ON YOUR PASSION AND BEAUTY FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE . DON'T BE SELFLESS, BUT KEEP A BALANCE OF HEALTHY SELFISHNESS, AND KEEP IN MIND YOUR ISLAMIC DUTIES...